Again and Again
by EspoirDio
Summary: Inspired by an idea by NilesLover101. Set after season 6, Niles and C.C. are married and she's expecting a child. When suddenly they get some shocking news. Will it tear them apart or make them stronger?
1. Chapter 1

**Hello,Hello!:) Here is my annoying little self again with my new project!;) As I mentioned at the end of "20 years" this one was inspired by NilesLover101, I hope I'll make ya happy!:D And actually, I won't give more away, so you'll just have to bear with me!*hehe* All I'll say is that it is set at the end of season 6 and they're just moving to California. What else? The title of this story comes from a wonderful poem by Rilke that I love. And yeah, the poem here now is from Theodore Roethke. Anyways, I hope you'll enjoy reading this and please,please,pleeaaassee review and let me know if this is complete crap or what I can change etc.!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything and sadly, none of the characters are mine. If they were, things would definitely be more about Niles and C.C.! **

**Chapter 1: **

I knew a woman, lovely in her bones,  
When small birds sighed, she would sigh back at them;  
Ah, when she moved, she moved more ways than one:  
The shapes a bright container can contain!  
Of her choice virtues only gods should speak,  
Or English poets who grew up on Greek  
I'd have them sing in chorus, cheek to cheek.

How well her wishes went! She stroked my chin,  
She taught me Turn, and Counter-turn, and stand;  
She taught me Touch, that undulant white skin:  
I nibbled meekly from her proffered hand;  
She was the sickle; I, poor I, the rake,  
Coming behind her for her pretty sake  
But what prodigious mowing did we make.

Love likes a gander, and adores a goose:  
Her full lips pursed, the errant note to seize;  
She played it quick, she played it light and loose;  
My eyes, they dazzled at her flowing knees;  
Her several parts could keep a pure repose,  
Or one hip quiver with a mobile nose  
She moved in circles, and those circles moved.

Let seed be grass, and grass turn into hay:  
I'm martyr to a motion not my own;  
What's freedom for? To know eternity.  
I swear she cast a shadow white as stone.  
But who would count eternity in days?  
These old bones live to learn her wanton ways:  
I measure time by how a body sways.

Theodore Roethke

"Niles, please don't!" C.C. whispered, her utterance in stark contrast to the movements of her hands which drew him closer.

"Oh, you infernal temptress," he growled back, his lips hungrily exploring her neck.

They had gotten married over a week ago and he would have blamed his strong desire on that fact, had it not been for the knowledge that they had been carrying on like this for several months now. It seemed to Niles that he still hadn't quite fathomed the fact that this beautiful creature was his wife and carrying his child. Their luggage stood by the door, side by side, but a couple of hours before his closet had contained more female items of clothing, for C.C. had started to spend more and more time at his place. This particular development had come as quite a surprise to both of them. After C.C.'s snide remarks, Niles had never thought she'd voluntarily spent more than a night in his room and C.C., being the proud woman that she was, felt decidedly scared by her sudden longing for this man, a longing so strong being separated from him seemed unbearable. She had rationalized this by telling herself that they hadn't actually moved in together and that she could always retreat to the safety and solitude of her penthouse when necessary.

"They're waiting for us," she tried again, simultaneously turning her head to the left, giving his lips more space to devour her.

"It's your fault, witch." he teased her, his hands swiftly unbuttoning her blouse "You insisted on changing your clothes."

He remembered how she had slipped out of her top, every movement excruciatingly slowly. He had reveled in her beauty for several seconds, the firmness of her stomach, the softness of her skin. But he had soon found that he couldn't stand to watch, he had to touch her, taste her, make her understand again how sensual she was.

"I have to look presentable." she defended herself.

"You never do," he said, giving her his best boyish grin, before trailing kisses down the valley between her breasts.

"Shut up, servant." she demanded, her eyes closed.

"So as long as I serve you you're happy, but I'm not allowed to talk?" he asked, drawing away from her to shoot her a playfully angry glance.

She blinked and focused her attention on her husband's deep-blue eyes.

"You got that right, Butler Boy."

"What compelled me to marry you?" he asked, before continuing his assault on her breasts.

"Love?" she suggested.

"I was thinking more along the lines of pity." he retorted, moving her bra to tenderly suck on her nipple.

"Niles, I swear if what you are doing wouldn't be so damn…" she moaned loudly "good…I'd…"

"But it is, Babs, it is." he said, winking at her.

"Be careful, Bellboy, two can play that game, I could get you to beg if I wanted to."

"Keep dreaming, baby." he whispered, capturing her lips in a searing kiss.

"Niles, we are going to miss the flight!" his employer's voice could now clearly be heard from downstairs.

For a minute he considered just to ignore it, but then he conceded with a sigh.

"Looks like we have to go, lover." C.C. said and the hint of sadness returned to her eyes, which he had noticed there before they had gotten tangled in their passion.

He wiped the traces of lipstick from his face, while she busied herself buttoning up her blouse again. Opening the door he held out his hand to her and as she moved into his arms, they shared one last look around his old room.

"California will be nice," he tried but C.C. only responded with a half-hearted shrug.

He waited until she was ready to walk out of the room, then he picked up their luggage and followed suit. The Sheffield house seemed cold and bare somehow, devoid as it was of all pictures and souvenirs. If he was honest with himself he viewed this move to California with as much reluctance as C.C. did. It seemed a shame to leave that wonderful house behind, a building that contained so many memories. For a moment as he walked through the corridor he could see himself again on his first day, he could vividly picture C.C. and how she had looked when he first laid eyes on her. It had been the home of the Sheffields, a family that was like his own. But California seemed wrong on so many other levels as well, it just didn't seem like Maxwell to leave Broadway behind in favour of a sitcom. And as well as Niles knew his wife, he could tell that she too, shared that view. She had always been filled with a love for the theatre and while a sitcom certainly held similar elements, it would never be the same. But he had no doubt that she would still be incredibly successful and maybe the Bitch of Broadway would turn into the Bitch of Hollywood soon. He suddenly noticed that he had come to a standstill while reminiscing and finally leaving the corridor behind, he found C.C. waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs.

"Getting old, are we, Butler Boy?" she mocked lightly.

"Spending all this time with Satan's right hand sapped all my energy… you might have even sucked it out of me." he shot back, setting the luggage down next to them.

"Maybe I should refrain from sucking then." she teased, grinning at him.

"Don't you dare." he whispered, drawing her against him once more.

"Oy, I'm so glad the two of you will live in a different house. I mean, just imagine if Max and I woulda carried on like that." Fran scolded slightly, interrupting them before they could get lost in each other once more.

Once she was out of sight they exchanged a knowing glance and then, heaving a deep sigh Niles picked up the luggage once more and followed his wife outside. He silently carried it to the car and lifted it into the trunk. Afterwards he joined the Sheffields and C.C. who stood leaning against the limo, wistfully looking at the beautiful building.

"It's a good house." Fran voiced what everyone was thinking.

Niles could tell by the soft uneasiness of his wife's movements that she found such sentimentality difficult to bear and nudged her in the ribs to follow him inside the car. Everyone else seemed to get the message as they soon joined them.

"I can't wait to get to California;" Gracie began the first bit of conversation as they were on their way to the airport "I'll set up the computer right away and check if Brighton's e-mailed me."

"Awww, isn't it adorable how close they've gotten?" Fran asked C.C. who only shrugged.

Niles watched how her eyes then moved to linger on the babies, who were sleeping quietly in the safety of their father's arms. He knew despite her comment that it hadn't been marriage or her pregnancy that had softened her; he'd been with her long enough to see that she was actually very soft. True, she wasn't someone who enjoyed grand gestures, but she had always been fond of the children and longed for security and warmth. But having observed her for such a long time he was also aware that it would be futile to point this out to her, for she'd deny everything.

* * *

Once inside the aircraft C.C. seemed to cheer up a little. The finality of their departure to a different state had sunk in and being the pragmatic type, she had decided to view it as a new challenge, rather than as a loss of the old. They were sitting in the large, comfortable seats the first class had to offer, right behind Maxwell and Fran who were busy looking over contracts and watching "Yentl", respectively.

"At least when she's watching Barbra she's quiet." C.C. whispered to Niles who grinned.

"And it took you this long to realize that? My my, Babs, you are slower than I thought."

"Can it, Bellboy." she snapped.

"I bet you are going to develop a very cute pregnancy waddle once you put on a few pounds. Although with the ones you still have-" he suddenly stopped, noticing the look she was giving him "I'm sorry, babe."

"You will be," she said smiling sweetly in a way that one could only interpret as a threat "I had such lovely plans for us."

"Like what?" he asked, his interest peaked.

"Shame, had you watched your tongue you would've found out." she said, sliding her hand underneath the blanket that was covering his lap.

"You've never complained about my tongue before." he replied, a mischievous smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"Gotta toss you a bone once in a while." C.C. said, continuing to massage him.

"You are aware that there are children on board?" he asked, trying not to groan aloud.

"Yes, lover," she whispered into his ear, allowing her lips to touch it "and that's exactly why you won't be getting any."

She grinned at his shocked face, knowing very well from their previous adventures that Niles shared her passion for intimate encounters with a possibility of getting caught. Meanwhile in the seats in front of them, Maxwell leaned to his wife:

"Fran, could I possibly use one of your headphones?"

"Sure, sweety, why? I thought ya refused ta see "Yentl" for the fifth time?"

"Niles and C.C. are having a… conversation I'd rather not hear." he explained, blushing slightly.

"Again?" Fran asked "My God, Miss Babcock sure keeps her randy side hidden very well, who woulda thought?"

"Please, darling, I'd rather not think about it." Maxwell tried again, pulling a face.

"You better start thinking about it soon, mistah, you've given me less and less attention lately."

Maxwell sighed resignedly, wishing he had just concentrated on his work without interrupting Fran.

* * *

California came with an instant change in temperature. Fran pointed out the lovely sunshine on the way to their limo, while C.C. sighed and moaned about the heat. When Gracie asked her why she didn't like the warmth, Niles and C.C. both answered simultaneously.

"The Ice Queen melts of course." And "Because I'll have to see him running around shirtless."

Grace only grinned to herself, secretly thrilled at the special relationship the butler and the business woman seemed to have. On the way to their new home, Jonah and Eve finally perked up and began to cry loudly and so it was that everyone happily scrambled out of the car, once they pulled up in front of a big, beautiful mansion.

"Wow, this house is huge!" Fran exclaimed and it wasn't an understatement.

They had just driven past the gorgeous wrought iron gate and were now parked in a little roundabout facing the main entrance of the house. It was a two story residence made out of concrete block clad with cedar shingles and rock stone columns and had a hand crafted stained glass door. While the Sheffields filed through the front door, Niles, carrying the luggage, gestured for C.C. to follow him down a different path. It led to the right of the main building and through another smaller gate. C.C. gasped when she first caught sight of the little white cottage, with its wooden veranda and large windows.

"Do you like it?" Niles asked who had set their suitcases down and was stretching his arms.

"And that's just for the two of us?" she breathed, walking towards him.

"What, a Babcock complaining about something being too big?" he grinned, wrapping an arm around her waist.

"I've never complained about size before." she whispered teasingly and gave him a quick kiss.

"But yes, it's big…I chose this deliberately, should I get to sick of you." he quipped, winking at her.

C.C. slapped his arm, while absent-mindedly saying: "And Maxwell's house is even bigger…"

"Well, yes, half the Jewish population will come to live with him."

C.C. nodded and headed up the small steps, extracting the key from her purse that Niles had given her. To her surprise most of the house was already decorated. The living room stole her breath once more as it contained a soft Persian rug, a white couch and a natural stone fire place.

"My favourite part is the kitchen." Niles suddenly exclaimed and she followed his voice into the next room.

"So it should be, this is huge, looks like a proper gourmet kitchen."

"And I was gonna say because there's so much space on the counter." he said, wiggling his eyebrows.

Seeing that his wife only rolled her eyes, he led her into the master bedroom. The walls were kept in an ochre colour and light came flooding in from the large window. She smiled at the simplicity of the double bed, for it was completely and utterly Niles, and everything she'd ever hoped for. While he unpacked she went for a walk around the rest of the house and was relieved to find that not all rooms had been decorated, for example the office could still be designed and there was a completely empty room that she immediately considered as the nursery. After she had seen the rest of the house, she exited through the back door and followed the path that led to a gigantic pool. She had just taken off her shoes to dangle her feet into the water, when she was joined by Fran.

"How do ya like it so far?" she asked, squinting against the sun light.

"It's beautiful." C.C. said softly, a gentle smile playing on her lips.

"And ya sure don't mind that our house is bigger than yours?"

"Nanny Fine," C.C. said, taking on her old patronizing tone once more "I couldn't care less about the size of your house. Because right now in mine there is Niles, planning all sorts of things in the new kitchen and soon it will be filled with the sound of the pitter patter of tiny feet."

"Who are you and what have you done with Miss Babcock?" Fran asked, letting out her honking laugh, but before she could say anything else, Grace appeared outside.

"Dad says he needs your help changing Jonah and Eve."

"Oy, this man…never heard about multitasking. Ya sure lucky to have Niles."

C.C. sighed and watched the reflection of the sun glistening in the water. She tried to shake the melancholy that had suddenly taken hold of her and walked back to the house. It wasn't that she didn't value Niles; she just hoped she wouldn't turn out to be as dreadful a mother as her own was. She found him standing by the window, apparently lost in thoughts.

"Hello, lover." she whispered, wrapping her arms around him.

He smiled upon the contact and turned around in her arms. Standing there in front of him without any shoes on, she was a couple of inches smaller and he could tell instantly by the look in her eyes that something was troubling her.

"Are you happy?" he asked, his deep-blue eyes mirroring the intensity of his feelings.

She nodded vaguely and rested her head on his shoulder.

"Can I do anything to make it better?" he whispered, placing a tender kiss on her temple.

She hesitated for a moment, before pulling back and replying with a grin: "You could whip us something up and maybe once you're done, we could christen that counter you mentioned."


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello,Hello!:) I'm back again with chapter 2 and I very much hope you'll enjoy it. Thanks for all your wonderful reviews. I've planned a lot of this story now and it'll have at least 10 chapters. So yeah, keep reviewing please and let me know about the things you like or the things you want me to change etc.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything and the poem isn't mine either.**

**Chapter 2:**

Come to me in my dreams, and then  
By day I shall be well again!  
For so the night will more than pay  
The hopeless longing of the day.

Come, as thou cam'st a thousand times,  
A messenger from radiant climes,  
And smile on thy new world, and be  
As kind to others as to me!

Or, as thou never cam'st in sooth,  
Come now, and let me dream it truth,  
And part my hair, and kiss my brow,  
And say, My love why sufferest thou?

Come to me in my dreams, and then  
By day I shall be well again!  
For so the night will more than pay  
The hopeless longing of the day.

Matthew Arnold

C.C. awoke with a start the next morning when she reached over to her husband's side of the bed, only to find it empty. Immediately a feeling of dread washed over as she scrambled to sit up right, blinking rapidly in an attempt to orientate herself.

"Niles?" she asked quietly.

For some inexplicable reason the mere fact that he wasn't where he was supposed to be, filled her with rapidly increasing fear of losing him altogether. She finally decided that her behaviour was absolutely ridiculous and, taking deep breaths, she climbed out of bed. Fetching her robe which Niles had already neatly hung up by the door, she made her way through the large house. Kitchen noises finally informed her of her husband's whereabouts and leaning in the doorframe she observed him for a couple of minutes. He seemed to have organised each and every drawer, for he was moving about as quickly and efficiently as he had done in the Sheffield's kitchen. It took him several minutes to realise that he wasn't alone anymore, so wrapped up had he been in his everyday routine. After all these years she still took his breath away, even when she was only wearing her pyjamas and a robe and her hair was mussed from sleep, or maybe it was because of that.

Smiling at her he asked: "Did I wake you?"

It took one look at her husband's deep-blue eyes and the sincere concern within them, to quake her resolve. He didn't deserve to be confronted with her ridiculous fear and petty problems.

"No you didn't. I woke up by myself." Which was, after all, partly true.

"I wanted to bring you breakfast in bed, Mrs. Brightmore." he explained, as she peered over his shoulder to see what he was cooking.

"Easy on the Californian clichés, Dust Buster." she replied, standing on her toes to peck his cheek.

"It's very tempting, now that my life is practically perfect." he said lightly.

And for some reason C.C.'s stomach was tied in a knot upon hearing that statement. For a moment she considered to sit down at the table and wait for him to finish, while pondering over the negative vibes she had been getting lately. But then she caught a glimpse of what her husband was wearing, and quickly pushed it away, blaming it on the pregnancy hormones. There were certainly advantages to living in their own house, she mused. Never before had she seen Niles preparing breakfast in only a pair of white boxer shorts, a dress-shirt and an apron.

"As much as I love your outfit, Butler Boy," she began, letting her eyes wander from his well-toned legs to his firm ass "I have a slight alteration to make."

She turned him around, untying the apron, before pulling it over his head. Then quickly, before he could protest, she opened his shirt and pushed it over his shoulders. For a moment she rested her hands on his naked torso, kissing his lips passionately, before she tied the apron around his waist again.

"Much better." she commented, pulling him close for another kiss.

"The eggs are going to be burnt." he mumbled against her mouth.

"Let them." she shrugged, playing with the soft hair at the nape of his neck.

"Didn't I satisfy you last night, Babs?" he asked, pouting slightly.

"Not quite," she said, letting out her sultry laugh "we might need a bit more practice."

"Oh you little witch." he growled, effortlessly ripping open her robe and letting his fingers glide underneath the silky fabric of her pyjamas.

"Knock, knock!" the unmistakeable sound of Fran Fine's voice interrupted the moment and while Niles quickly returned to rescuing what was left of their breakfast, C.C. muttered a silent curse.

Of course, the disadvantage of living in their own house was that her business partner and the loud-mouthed Yenta lived right next door.

"I'm not interrupting, am I?" Fran asked innocently who appeared to have arrived via the terrace.

"Of course not." C.C. exclaimed loudly, a big fake smile plastered on her face.

"Good, ya know the thing is...we gave Niles today off, but I just...I ruined breakfast and I dunno any good take-out places, so Max and I were wondering if you could help us?" she rambled quickly, before adding as an afterthought "Or little Gracie might starve."

C.C. gave his shoulder a light squeeze, before silently heading back up to the bedroom.

"Oy, she's really annoyed now, isn't she?"

"No, it's the pregnancy hormones, she's all famisched." he said apologetically, even though he knew it wasn't true.

"Never mind, I'll see you in a couple of minutes and mistah, that look's really working for ya," Fran grinned from ear to ear before muttering under her breath "Miss Babcock's always been a meshuggeneh."

Niles breathed a quick sigh of relief once the Jewish whirlwind had left the house and continued preparing breakfast. Having set up everything nicely on a tray, he carried it up to the bedroom, where he was certain his wife was hiding. And sure enough, she was sitting on the bed, her hair held up by a clip and a script propped up against her leg.

"Breakfast's ready." he announced and she eyed him coolly over the top of her reading glasses.

"The first thing we'll do is buy a lock for that backdoor." she replied, annoyance drenching every word.

"Fran couldn't prepare a decent breakfast to save her life." he explained, carefully, handing her the tray.

"That's pathetic." she commented and watched him as he took off his apron and walked towards the wardrobe to extract clothes.

"You can't cook either, Babs." he mocked and winked at her.

"Well, that's why I married you, Butler Boy." she said seductively and he responded with his boyish grin.

"I'll be back as quickly as possible." he promised, hoping to spend some free time with her before she and Maxwell started working again.

"If you go over like this it'll be quicker." C.C. said, her eyes briefly flickering from the script to his chest.

"True and Fran just told me that she wouldn't exactly mind." he played along, knowing that it would irk her.

"Niles." she growled in a deep voice and he chuckled.

"Have I told you how beautiful you look in those glasses?" he asked gently, leaning forward to capture her lips.

"You know that flattery won't help you now, Bellboy." she said, trying to keep a straight face.

"Alright, you mean old dragon, I'll see you later." he finally said, tearing himself away.

When one hour had passed and Niles still hadn't returned, C.C. decided to give up. She had spent the better half of the time glancing at the watch and had thus needed four trials to read over one page of the script. Scribbling down a quick note at the bottom of the page, she then placed it on the nightstand, resting her glasses on top and climbed out of bed. She knew that although Niles loved her, his loyalty had always been with Fran, but secretly she had hoped that now they were married, they'd get a bit of a break. It wasn't so much Fran's inconsiderate behaviour that gnawed at her, but rather the ease with which Niles responded to it, as if it didn't matter to him who he was spending more time with. She looked through her closet and picked out one of her usual business suits, determined to ignore the heat in favour of looking professional. With all the items resting in her arms, she left the bedroom behind and headed across the corridor and into the bathroom. She hung up her robe by the door and slipped out of her pyjamas and underwear, placing them on the floor. Then, as she moved over to the shower, she caught sight of herself in the large mirror and couldn't help but study her body. She was definitely no Fran Fine; her height disqualified her, as well as her hourglass figure. Numerous times women and men alike had told her that they envied her body and yet C.C., like every ordinary woman, had certain insecurities. But her envy towards the previous nanny did not only concern her body, it encompassed her entire personality. While C.C. was proud of her good upbringing and manners, there were moments when she wished she could be as outgoing as the brunette who wore her heart on her sleeve. It was easy to care about someone who expressed their feelings so openly, at least simpler than having to deal with the ice queen, who'd rather die than let anyone see her vulnerability. But Niles seemed to see her and she had settled for him, deciding that this had to be enough. Snapping out of her musings she instead focused on the image in the mirror once more. She placed her hands on her stomach and turned sideways to see if any change was detectable. But at five weeks pregnant this wasn't the case, although she could've sworn that her skin felt tighter somehow, as if it was being stretched severely.

"Congratulations, child," C.C. said and her deep voice filled the entire bathroom "your father is a good-natured fool and your mother is completely messed up, wouldn't blame you if you'd change your mind."

Shaking her head at her own monologue, she finally tore herself away and stepped into the shower. As the warm water washed over her body it finally took all her doubts with it. Thoroughly relaxed as she was, it was only the noise of the shower curtain that attracted her attention to the fact that she wasn't alone anymore. And not a minute after strong arms wrapped around her body and her husband whispered into her ear: "Surprise!"

She softly smiled to herself and leaned against his body, enjoying the feeling of his hands that were exploring her skin.

"You've got some nerve to show up now." she scolded.

"That's why I decided to join you, to make it up to you." he whispered, softly biting her shoulder.

She made a noise of disinterest to torture him a little while longer.

"Why don't you lie down and I see what I can do for you." he asked innocently.

"If you even think you're getting lucky, Butler Boy, I'd advice you-"

"Be quiet, witch and lie down." he repeated and applied gentle pressure to her shoulders.

"I'm not taking orders from a servant." she replied in her best Babcock voice but followed his instructions nonetheless.

Once she had turned around to face him and was sitting comfortably in the bathtub she saw that his eyes were still sparkling. He carefully crouched down and took one of her feet in his large hand and began to massage it.

"Only wanted to rub your feet, no other thoughts involved." he insisted.

C.C. nodded and closed her eyes, knowing very well that her husband's gentle touch and sweet seduction would make her surrender in the end.

* * *

"C.C., did you hear what I've just said?" Maxwell asked and interrupted her thoughts that had drifted off yet again to the long love-making session she and Niles had shared.

"No, I'm sorry, Maxwell, my mind was somewhere else." she answered truthfully and glared at him when he began to grin knowingly "What is it you wanted to discuss?"

"I just let you know that tomorrow should be a rather long day. We're going to see the studio for the first time and will start discussing the set and any alterations that need to be made. And then in the evening we have that" he picked up an application form, searching for the name "audition with James Povall."

"Who's he going to play again?" C.C. asked, rifling through her notes.

"Julian Crane, of course, he's the only role we haven't cast yet. Sometimes I wonder if you're interested at all in our sitcom."

C.C. sighed and fought back a sharp reply. It was at times like this that she realised just how reluctant she really was to leave the theatre behind.

"Don't be silly, Max," she replied resignedly "I'm just a little tired, this pregnancy is wearing me out. I'll just go and grab a glass of water, and then we can continue."

"You know that physical exercise can wear you out too." he couldn't help but add.

"You're not really being subtle here, Maxwell Sheffield, and all I have to say is just because you tire easily doesn't mean that's true for other people."

Maxwell opened his mouth in protest but felt incapable to come up with a good response. C.C. meanwhile walked down the stairs finding herself wondering once more what she had ever seen in this man. He was a good business partner and wonderfully reliable and yet he couldn't dish out half as good as Niles could, no pun intended. The sudden burst of happiness that came about by knowing she had made the right decision soon vanished, however, when she returned to the office to overhear a conversation between Max and Fran.

"Sweety, you promised we'd go out tonight. You already told me that you'll be busy from now on." The brunette whined and for once C.C. could sympathise.

"But darling, we have two babies now, we can't just go out whenever we please and before you say another word, I will not ask Niles, he deserves a day off."

"He wouldn't mind though." Fran replied.

"But I'm certain C.C. would mind...but maybe that's it. Maybe we could ask her to look after Jonah and Eve, it'll be a nice training for her. And then it wouldn't look as if-"

"Are you completely meshuggeh now? I mean, I'm still surprised Miss Babcock is dealing with her pregnancy alright... but that doesn't mean I'd trust her with our babies. Remember Niles' comment about how some mothers eat their young?"

"I know C.C. isn't exactly the maternal type, but I'm sure she'll grow into it." Maxwell reasoned.

"We'll ask Gracie." Fran concluded and C.C. took this as her cue to re-enter the office.

As she resumed her seat in the armchair she tried her best not to let them see her anger and disappointment. A part of her even made Niles responsible for it all, seeing as he had been the one to make that comment. But then she realised that it was only easier to blame Niles, for she had never been anything but indifferent towards the children. Nonetheless, the entire situation only managed to add to her doubts of becoming a good mother.

In the evening, when all the work was done, she was only happy to return to a separate house to spend some time with her husband.

"I'm home!" she yelled, slipping in via the backdoor "And I need a Scotch."

"Here you are." he said, appearing by her side and handing her a glass with a dark-gold liquid.

Dropping her briefcase she took a sip and asked: "Apple juice?"

"Yes, fresh one." he said with a smile and placed a soft kiss on her lips.

"You have no idea how much I hate you right now." she growled and he simply chuckled, walking back to the stove.

"I know you do, witch. Rehab is always difficult for drunks like you."

She responded by slapping his bum, before proceeding to retrieve plates and cutlery from the kitchen cupboards. While they ate she told him about her day, omitting only the part of the conversation she had overheard.

"You stay where you are," Niles suddenly said, jumping to his feet "I'll be right back."

A couple of minutes ticked by and finally he returned, wearing a smug grin and holding a catalogue in his hand.

"I bought something today and I hope you'll like it."

"Oh Niles, a catalogue, it's just what I wanted." she said sarcastically.

He merely ignored her and crouched down by her side, flipping through the pages.

"I saw this today," he said pointing at the picture of a beautiful wooden crib "and I bought it. I think it's perfect."

What should've been a sweet gesture suddenly angered her immensely. It wasn't only that Niles had made such an important decision without her, it was another reminder that Niles was perfect and did everything right while she hadn't done anything yet in preparation for the big day.

"But if you don't like it we can always return it." he said, noticing that she looked anything but happy.

"Why ask me now? It doesn't matter what I think, does it? You are perfect, after all." she screamed, rising to her feet and hurrying out of the house leaving a stunned Niles behind.

They had had plenty of arguments before, it was unavoidable when two such stubborn and passionate characters were involved, but they had always been about petty things. This Niles knew, however, wasn't petty at all. He waited in the house, knowing that it was no use to search for her, she'd come back once she was ready to talk. But after more and more hours had passed he finally grew worried and grabbing his keys, he stormed out of the house. He searched the neighbourhood before he stumbled into the main house, hoping to find her there.

"Gracie, have you seen C.C.?" he asked the young girl, who was watching TV in the living room.

"Yes, I was tired so she offered to look after the twins for me."

Niles fought back the urge to slap himself for having overlooked something so blatantly obvious and instead continued up the stairs. Peeking inside the room he saw C.C. holding Jonah in her arms lightly bumping him up and down.

"Hush, it's alright, little boy." she whispered gently.

Niles' face at once lit up with a beautiful smile and he slowly entered the room.

"You're doing a very good job there, my love." he said quietly as not to startle her.

She turned around to look at him and smiled shyly, his praise meaning more than he'd ever know.

"I'm sorry, C.C., I shouldn't have-" he began but she only shook her head, gently setting the baby down in the crib.

"Let's go home, Butler Boy." she said softly and walked over to him cupping his face, before capturing his lips.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello, Hello!Thanks, once again, for your lovely reviews!:) Anyways, chapter 3 is up and I need your opinions more than ever coz I had quite a number of problems writing this. Anyway, with the conflict now established (yeah,you gotta read it to understand) I can finally move into the main storyline. Hopefully you'll still bear with me! R&R!:)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything but a splitting headache...**

**Chapter 3:**

Trust thou thy Love: if she be proud, is she not sweet?  
Trust thou thy Love: if she be mute, is she not pure?  
Lay thou thy soul full in her hands, low at her feet;  
Fail, Sun and Breath!-yet, for thy peace, She shall endure.

John Ruskin

"C.C., are you awake?"Niles asked, earning a reluctant moan as a response from his wife.

He sighed deeply, knowing that this was probably the wrong time to approach the topic, yet unable to sleep otherwise. When she felt his lips on her neck repeatedly she turned around to face him.

"If you're suffering from insomnia there's no need to wake me up too." she growled and even through the darkness he could see her blue eyes glaring at him.

"I know you want to forget about it, but ever since I know that something's been bothering, well…it started to bother me too."

"My God, you're not going to turn into one of those men who feel their wives' pregnancy pains, are you?"

"C.C., I'm serious." he said quietly.

And he needn't have pointed it out for any lack of teasing comment was evidence enough. She rolled to lie on her back and stared at the ceiling. Sometimes it was so easy to be the couple that everyone saw them as. The constant bickering, the lightness…and she couldn't really begrudge them their view because that's what they had to look like to the outside world. The truth, however, was that just like every other couple they had the standard knowledge of each other. The list went from favourite dishes to favourite childhood memories. But even more importantly was that they could read the signs and knew when the other one was hurting, even though they were putting on a brave front. And sometimes that was exactly what scared her the most. The fact that she trusted this man so much that being vulnerable was alright- when still difficult to show.

"Lately I've been afraid that I won't be a good mother." she stated evenly.

His blue eyes roamed across her face, trying to find the truth in her eyes.

"Of course you will be-" he began but instantly she cut him off.

"Please Niles, spare me the corny answer. Just because I love this child doesn't mean I won't screw things up like my mother did."

"I should've known." he mumbled quietly, the hint of annoyance in his tone directed at himself though "Look, I can't guarantee you that we won't make mistakes. After all, it's a damn long way to go and we can't influence every move our child makes. But what I'm certain of, C.C., is that you will do your best. You are the most stubborn person I know, matched only by myself, you would never give up. And once you've fallen in love with our child-"

"Stop saying it as if I don't love our child already." C.C. snapped, but the tears that were pooling in her eyes, showed the underlying emotion.

"That's the woman I married." he said proudly, tugging a strand of hair behind her ear.

"But no matter what I'll do, I'll pale in comparison to you." she whispered, finally turning around to face him.

"This is not a competition." Niles said chuckling lightly.

But then he realised that maybe, to her, this was. Not because of any negative feelings towards him but resulting from a combination of pressure and loneliness. And in her eyes he could clearly read the question: "What if the child loves you more than me?"

"C.C., you're her mother, you've carried her for nine months, there's a very strong bond already. As for the rest, since when do you care what other people think?"

"This isn't some fashion choice, Niles." she whispered and he gently caressed her cheek with his thumb.

"You know what I think? Maybe they'll underestimate you now, but none of them has seen you with a baby in the arm. You know how wonderful and completely natural you treated Jonah tonight?" and when C.C. still looked unconvinced, he added: "And if they still don't see it then screw 'em!" At this she finally laughed. "It's good to know I can still make you laugh." he said soflty kissing her lips.

"You still do a lot to me, Butler Boy." she replied with a grin.

"Then shouldn't it only matter what I think? And darling I know you'll be wonderful." he repeated.

"I love you." she said almost shyly, snuggling up against him.

He wrapped his arm around her and placed a tender kiss on the crown of her head. C.C., though completely blunt in almost every aspect of life was still afraid to share her feelings. That's why it meant even more to him when she did tell him, evoking a sensation so strong he could almost physically feel it.

"I love you too, Chas."

Her hand instantly found its way across his chest and came to rest just above his heart. That was what she had learned from loving Niles, trusting someone was a risk worth taking when it meant finding security and warmth and a complete openess to unburden oneself. Only as her eyes were drifting shut she suddenly realised that he had called the baby "she".

* * *

The next morning she awoke to the nagging sound of her alarm. For a moment she considered to grab the blasted object and throw it against the wall, but then memories floated through her sleep-deprived mind, reminding her that today was the first proper work day in California. Reluctantly she swung her legs over the side of the bed and headed downstairs and into the kitchen. Niles was already up which was something no routine could ever make her get used to. Upon hearing her approach he gave her a dazzling smile and for the first time she noticed that the table had been set and a single lily was kept in a vase.

"You better be making some coffee soon, Dust Buster." she said moodily and sat down.

"Well, good morning to you too, my love." Niles continued, especially cheerful.

"It would've been a good one, had some idiot not woken me up last night." she growled but Niles merely chuckled.

The sound of the kettle prevented him from saying anything else which probably was a good thing, given the mood his wife was in. He poured the water in two cups and lightly pressed against the teabags with a spoon.

"Here we are, your favourite tea."

"I'm sick of that tea." C.C. moaned, pouting like a child "I want some real caffeine to wake me up in the morning."

"We all have to make sacrifices, though for you that normally means a poor animal and a sharp knife, and being the wonderful husband that I am, I'm not drinking any coffee either."

"You know what would be more useful? Never keep me up again at night." C.C. muttered and reached for the toast.

"Not to dash your hopes, love, but once this baby is born there will be a lot of sleepless nights."

"Yes, _dumplin'_" she replied, putting as much emphasis on the name as he had done before "but you'll be the one I'll send out of bed every night."

Breakfast remained an uncomfortable affair, which was largely spent in silence. C.C. took quick bites out of everything he had to offer and then disappeared upstairs to shower and get changed. When she emerged again, Niles had just finished cleaning the dishes and was buttoning up his waistcoat.

"You do know that we're living in California now, Chas?" he asked, seeing that she was, once again, clad in one of her business suits.

"It's the first day at the studio, Niles, what do you want me to wear?"

"Well, I'm quite happy with you wearing nothing at all." he said in a low voice, walking over to her and embracing her.

"And I thought you were going to say something useful." C.C. replied playfully, kissing him longingly.

Instinctively he strengthened his hold on her and allowed her demanding tongue entrance into his mouth. Catching a glimpse of the clock that hung above the fridge she groaned and pulled away.

"Have a wonderful first day, make sure to drink and eat properly and if you don't feel alright, call me!" he instructed gently, looking deep into her eyes.

"I'll see you tonight." she said nodding and pecked his lips.

Apparently pleased with her response he allowed her to slide out of his arms, before grabbing the keys and following her out of the house. The garden path to the front entrance of the main building was much too short for his liking and soon they reached the Sheffields that were already waiting for them.

"Ya call me every chance you get, sweety." Fran said who was holding Eve in her arms and leaning forward to kiss her husband.

"Yes and if anything is wrong with the babies-" Maxwell began, placing a soft kiss on Jonah's head who Gracie was holding.

"I'm sure we can handle it, Sir." Niles chimed in, reassuring his best friend.

"Alright then, C.C., I think we better go." Max said, holding the limo door open for her.

She looked at Niles one more time who winked at her, before she stepped inside the car. Fran, Grace and Niles watched as the car passed through the main gate and disappeared around a corner.

"I'm gonna miss him." Fran said, turning around to walk back inside the house.

"I'll say, I still can't get used to them working in a studio now. It was so much easier in the old days, I could just walk into the office, pretending to bring some tea or a snack and while I was there I could throw a zinger at C.C."

"Life was good then," Fran said nodding in agreement "I could just hop on Max's desk and he'd get sidetracked immediately."

"Will you listen to us complaining? You are married to a successful producer and you have two newborn twins while I'm married to the Wicked Witch of the West and she's carrying Satan's spawn." he chuckled.

"What are ya doing today, Niles? We can still share our regular nosh, right?" Fran asked and Niles sensed her restlessness.

"Of course, I'm only expecting some calls concerning the butler position."

"You wanna leave us?" Fran shrieked, causing Eve to blink and open her eyes.

"No, I just want someone else to work part-time once the baby is born." he explained and she smiled relieved.

"Good, coz it wouldn't be the same without ya, Scarecrow."

Even though Niles' thoughts kept drifting to his wife and how she was faring on her first day, he kept himself busy by any means possible. He had just cut the last of the Sheffields' moving boxes into smaller pieces and dumped them in a trash bag, when the telephone rang.

"Sheffield residence?" he answered, hoping it might be a future employee.

"It seems you still haven't found a decent job." A cold voice said.

Momentarily stunned he was just about to ask whom he was talking to, when the person continued.

"I should've known that Chastity wouldn't have the courage to tell her own mother about her marriage, or maybe a part of her is just as ashamed as I am. A Babcock marrying a butler!"

"Excuse me, Ma'am, but is there any other purpose of your call than to insult me and your daughter?" he asked, trying not to let her see how much she was getting to him.

"I wanted to find out what on earth compelled her to do such a foolish thing!" B.B. Babcock said.

"Well, let's see, this might be difficult for you to understand, but there is such thing as love in this world." he began to explain patronizingly.

"Don't you dare take that tone with me,servant!" she exclaimed "I know my Chastity better than anyone and there has to be a good reason for her to break the rules. Did you force her to sleep with you, she got pregnant and then she felt she had to marry you?"

Niles hesitated for a moment, not sure if C.C. would appreciate it if he told her mother about her pregnancy.

"So it's true? My daughter is pregnant? Then Mr. Brightmore I pray that the baby is yours for if it isn't there'll be no guarantee that this…._marriage_…will last and wouldn't that be a shame?"

The line went dead before he could reply and all day long he couldn't shake the coldness that had taken hold of him.

At another end of L.A. C.C.'s day had also taken a turn for the worse. Not only did she have to deal with incompetent people who were also much more impudent than in New York, but since lunch time she was also plagued by horrific stomach cramps.

"No, Jay, for the hundreth time, I don't want to see a blue couch anywhere near the damn set!" she yelled, hands pressed against her belly.

"Miss Babcock, are you alright?" a timid girl asked, who looked terrified of getting her head bitten off any second.

"Yes, Gertrud, I'm fine." C.C. snapped and ignored the quiet correction of the name from "Gertrud" to "Gabby".

Extracting a water bottle from her purse she stepped onstage and began to examine every detail of the set, mentally noting the changes that had to be made. She had just seen half of the living room, when the stabbing pain returned, forcing her to rest in the overstuffed armchair. Maxwell directed his attention towards his business partner in time to see her wincing in pain and immediately rushed to her side.

"What's wrong?" he asked, kneeling down in front of her.

"Nothing, breakfast doesn't seem to agree with me." she muttered, still clutching her tummy.

"We're going to the hospital right away." Max decided, flipping his mobile open to call the limousine driver.

"No, Maxwell, it's not that bad, don't be ridiculous!"

"If anything's wrong with the baby and I haven't done anything about it, Niles will kill me. Can you stand up?"

She rolled her eyes in annoyance and was just about to give a fitting retort when the pain knocked the air out of her lungs and so she silently accepted his help.

* * *

When the telephone rang for the third time that day, Niles was half-tempted not to pick up. All the calls so far had been negative, first B.B. Babcock and then the young butler to tell him he'd already found another job.

"Sheffield residence?" he barked.

"Niles, I want you to stay calm. C.C. complained about stomach pains, so we're driving to the hospital now to get her checked out."

"Tell him he doesn't have to come." He could hear C.C.'s voice in the background and he wondered if it was worry that made her voice appear thin and weary.

"Which hospital?" he asked curtly.

"Century City hospital."

"I'll be there." he said and hung up, immediately dialling another number to call a taxi.

The ride to the hospital seemed to last forever as he mused about the possible outcomes. Stomach pains at any time of the pregnancy weren't good and he forced himself not to think about C.C. losing the child. The hospital itself was huge and confusing and he wasted endless minutes asking around for his wife. Finally a doctor took him into the room in which C.C. and Maxwell were waiting.

"Are you alright?" he asked, rushing over to her.

"Yes." she answered, though she looked pale and worried.

"Everything is going to be fine." he promised, seeing as there was nothing else he could do.

C.C. smiled faintly and reached over to take his hand, intertwining their fingers. Silently minutes ticked by and finally the door was opened once more and an elderly doctor strode inside.

"The child is fine." he said immediately, knowing that this was the sentence everyone had hoped to hear.

"Then what's causing the pain?" C.C. asked.

"A virus maybe?" Maxwell suggested.

"No, nothing of the kind. As the baby grows it tends to turn around a little and sometimes this can cause pain in the organs nearby. It's perfectly normal for a three-month old baby."

"Three months?" Niles and C.C. asked in unison.

"Yes." The doctor repeated "What's the matter?"

"The doctor in New York told me something different. According to her I am now five weeks pregnant."

"I'm afraid she made a mistake, it's definitely three months." The doctor said with a smile "Since there's nothing wrong you can go home now, but I do advice bed rest for the next couple of days."

After he had bid them goodbye, Maxwell happily said:" Well, that's a relief. And it's certainly better to know now that the other doctor got the date wrong. I mean, that would've been quite a surprise later on. But this way, it doesn't matter, does it?"

He paused, noticing that C.C. looked nervous and Niles looked completely shaken.

"It does matter," Niles said quietly "C.C. and I weren't together three months ago."

And through the realisation that swept over Maxwell's face and the firm grip of his wife's hand, he could clearly hear B.B. Babcock's voice echoe in his mind, true as a prophecy.


	4. Chapter 4

**First of all: WOW! 10 reviews for the previous chapter, I SO did not expect that!Thanks so much, guys!Now this chapter is one day early, but it's also an A4 page shorter than my regular chapters!;) So, as most of you can guess by now NilesLover101's idea was "What if Niles isn't the father", so now I'm hoping to do my best with that idea. And yes...please don't kill me at the end of this chapter...everything will turn out alright in the end, I promise, but just as in real life it'll take time!:) R&R please coz it motivates me tremendously!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. However, I am now the proud owner of my "20 years" story which is properly bound, with title page and picture and everything. Hey, it's 153 pages long, it was worth the money!;) **

**Chapter 4:**

A sunset's mounded cloud;  
A diamond evening-star;  
Sad blue hills afar;  
Love in his shroud.

Scarcely a tear to shed;  
Hardly a word to say;  
The end of a summer day;  
Sweet Love dead.

Gwendolyn Brooks

The silence seemed to stretch on forever and even when they were all seated in the limousine the atmosphere was uncomfortable. Maxwell who was sitting with his back to the driver looked at the couple in front of him whose only connection seemed to be a physical one, as they sat so close their bodies were touching. However, the usual bickering and yet open love couldn't be found and that was what worried him the most.

"Anyone want a drink? I know I could sure use one." he blurted out, not thinking for a second that C.C. couldn't drink.

"I'll take a whiskey." Niles said, whose voice sounded as rough as he looked.

"Certainly, old man." Max replied, glad that he could finally do something to keep his hands busy.

As the glass with the amber liquid was passed from hand to hand, C.C. stared at it longingly before directing her gaze outside the window again. Los Angeles whipped past and the sunshine and the smiley faces showed her that life was still going on for so many, when for her it had come to a sudden standstill. All her thoughts kept circling around the same hope: Niles simply had to be the father. Despite her rational knowledge that it wasn't the case this was the only thing that made sense to her. Knowing that Niles was living the same hell she gently squeezed his hand, but the lack of a response rendered her even more desperate. When the limousine pulled up in front of the Sheffield residence they were already awaited by Fran.

"Is everything alright with the baby?" she asked anxiously, taking from the ashen faces that something had to be wrong.

"The baby is fine, darling," Max said quietly, pulling her into a hug.

"Then why do all of ya look like someone's died? Miss Babcock? Niles?"

"They just need a little privacy." Maxwell answered and smiling in response to C.C.'s grateful nod, he ushered his wife inside the house.

Even as the silence enveloped them once more Niles made no attempt to speak or move for that matter and C.C. remembered with a start that he had looked like this just minutes before his heart attack. Determined she hooked her arm with his and led him through the small gate and towards their house.

"Aren't you going to speak to me?" she finally asked, when they arrived in front of the door.

"I'm just…trying to deal with this." he muttered, extracting the key from his trouser pocket.

"Well, Niles, so am I but I think we should talk about this." she said firmly, following him into the house.

He shrugged half-heartedly and proceeded into the kitchen where he put the kettle on.

"If I'm not the father, then who is?" he finally asked in barely more than a whisper.

"It has to be Colin," C.C. answered truthfully "he was the last man I was with before we got together."

Niles winced upon hearing the name of that dreadful man, before muttering: "And you slept with him."

"I think that's obvious by now." C.C. replied in the same gruff tone.

Once again Niles remained silent, mechanically preparing the tea for both of them. His was black tea, straight, and hers was herbal tea with a little sugar. It was their regular since they had found out about her pregnancy but even their everyday routine seemed a lie now, stained by the knowledge that someone else had been with her first.

_"I should have told her earlier," _he mused bitterly, stirring her tea once more and watching as the sugar dissolved _"then this whole bloody mess would never have happened."_

Looking up again he handed her the mug and sighed. Everything from the panicked look in her sky-blue eyes to the tension in her stance beckoned him to hold her and assure her that everything would be alright. Only this time…he couldn't.

"Are you sure you only found out today that I'm not the father?" he asked, after having taken a sip from his tea.

But the minute the last word had left his mouth he knew that he never should have said that. C.C.'s eyes were suddenly blazing with an angry fire and she shouted:

"Of course, why would I lie to you?"

_"To justify this marriage._" Was the sentence that was resting on his tongue, but something held him back from enclosing the information of B.B. Babcock's phone call.

"You're acting like a real jerk, Niles Brightmore," C.C. said harshly, slamming the mug down on the counter "this happened before our time. So when you've finally realised that I didn't cheat on you, you can come and talk to me again."

And with that she stormed upstairs, locking herself in the bathroom. For minutes she just sat there thinking, but then she figured that maybe a bath was the thing she'd need right now, it would help her relax at the least. While the water was pooling in the tub, she stripped naked, eyeing her stomach closely once more. But try as she might no change was detectable. When did a baby bump begin to show? She wondered but then she guiltily remembered that it had been Niles who had done all the research. She held one foot into the water to test the temperature before gliding into the tub completely. Wistfully she remembered the moments after they had found out about her pregnancy. It had certainly been a shock to begin with as they had been confronted with the reason for her nausea at the hospital after the twins were born. A pregnancy wasn't something they'd even discussed yet, too wrapped up had they been in their newly found love for each other. Yet to her surprise as much as his, once the shock had worn off she had felt truly happy. Maybe there was a reason why some things couldn't be planned and what better time really to have a baby? Niles was employed and so was she and after a long and exhausting career she had finally found love in the most unexpected way and now she was even blessed with a child, so shortly before her biological clock had indicated the end. Tears sprang to her eyes as she remembered the look of excitement on Niles' face and the beautiful content smile. These early moments had already shown that he would become a very proud and loving father. But what would they do now? As she thought about the many times his gentle words had soothed her and his tender caresses had wiped all her worries away, she allowed the steady flow of tears to push their way past her lashes. As much as she prided herself on being a tough business woman, there was no denying the deep-rooted need that bound her to this man. But the way he had reacted didn't exactly point to a rosy future, though she certainly hoped that he'd find it in his heart to love the baby as if it were his own. When the doctor's voice rang through her mind once more, her thoughts drifted to Colin, the real father of the child. She knew now, of course, what she had found so appealing about him. He was, undeniably, somewhat like Niles. At least in the way they had exchanged zingers had he reminded her of him. But Colin had also looked better on paper, wealthy and successful as he was. But after their night of mediocre sex, as he had called it, he had broken up with her and now here she was, three months later, carrying his child. It just wasn't fair and as the tears finally subsided she felt the childish urge to stamp her foot, hoping that everything would right itself. But the grown-up part knew that this was quite impossible and so she began to consider whether or not to call Colin and inform him of his fatherhood.

Niles, in the meantime, had left the house to go for a walk and clear his mind. He had walked past the Sheffield residence at a brisk pace, half expecting Fran to barge through the front door and interrogate him, but it appeared that Maxwell was keeping an eye on her. The beach wasn't anywhere near the house, nor was a beautiful park and so he walked along the street, the hot pavement burning beneath his feet. B.B. Babcock's words wouldn't leave him alone, though he tried to tell himself that C.C. had found out about the pregnancy after she had married him. Yet it seemed so very odd, that B.B. would say these things to him the same day as they found out the truth and for a minute he wondered if it was a sign that their relationship was never meant to be. He wished he knew what would happen once the child was born, hoping he could guarantee that he would love it. Yet the nagging thought in the back of his mind remained: What if every time he looked at the baby he'd see Colin? What if it would become a constant reminder of his cowardice of admitting his feelings? Maybe, he thought, it was better to leave now before they all became too attached.

She lay in the darkness, listening to the sound of his footsteps. The moment she had heard the front door close the icy coldness had left her body as relief washed over her. Niles had returned. Moments later he slipped into bed next to her but he didn't speak. Despite her better knowledge and the fact that he looked as if he wanted as much distance from her as he could get, she wrapped her right arm around his waist and snuggled against his back. She didn't know what she was trying to do, whether she wanted to comfort him and take his pain away, or create some sense of normalcy. But at that moment all that mattered was that he was still with her and she mused that tomorrow she had to show him something else, other than her anger. Something, she still had difficulty admitting to herself, that she couldn't live without him and that she was terrified of looking after a baby on her own. And maybe, if she showed how vulnerable she really was, he'd understand.

* * *

The next morning arrived with the awful cheerfulness of a Disney movie. The sun was shining, birds were chirping and C.C. was still dazed from sleep, the events of the previous day seemingly far away. But as she slowly awakened an all too familiar sense of dread stole over her and her eyes snapped open. Something was wrong. Turning around to Niles' side of the bed she found it empty once more and it took all her willpower to remain calm. As she walked down the stairs she thought of the previous days, of their love-making and his happy smile when serving her breakfast and she prayed that he was down there waiting for her. But the kitchen was deserted. C.C. swallowed, hot tears pooling in the corner of her eyes as she wrapped her arms around herself. For a moment she simply stood there shaking, trying to get a grip, but then she spotted a note that had been placed on the counter. It contained only a single sentence: "I love you." And reading it she knew that Niles had left.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello, Hello!Yeah,me again!:/ I cannot believe how many of you are reviewing! (and no death threats either ;) ) I'm always happy to hear from my regular reviewers lol but am even more pleased to hear from those of you who haven't reviewed before!:) Anyways,once again I promise you it'll all turn out alright in the end. (otherwise I might have to fear for my life :p) By the way, have any of you realised how Lauren Lane always does that...licking her lips thing after Niles has thrown a particularly good zinger?Kinda makes you wonder if she picked up on the underlying...emotion...(well,sexual tension...)lol between those two early on. And I also noticed today (it made me smile and yes,I have too much time on my hands) that in the "Unwanted dirt just slides right off." scene, when Niles helps C.C. off the floor, his hands kinda glide down her body(well,done her waist)...I dunno why, it made me grin.^^ Anyways, this is my final week of summer hols so I'm writing like a maniac coz once I'm back at Uni chances are I might be rather busy. R&R please and make me very happy!^^**

**Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine and the lyrics belong to the musical "Hello,Dolly!" so aren't mine either. **

**Chapter 5:**

If you only knew the reason,  
For the sudden change in season.  
For the trouble that was caused,  
And the life you put on pause.

Halting this life in such a way,  
Made it hard to see a new day.  
Burning this day in my skull,  
Made it hard to reach even for a pull.

Almost losing all of my grasp,  
Not much to grab on to nothing to clasp.  
And in the end the message is clear,  
With much to lose but nothing to fear.

Even though at times with nothing to see,  
Strong perseverance will set you free

Dane Smidt

She didn't know how many minutes silently ticked by as she continued to stare at the note in her hands. A million thoughts ran through her mind repeatedly: Why didn't I tell him that I love him, that I'm terrified of losing him? Why didn't I once mention that I don't care that Colin is the father, that in my mind and in my heart there's no doubt the Niles is the real one? The little piece of paper shook in her hand as more and more droplets of tears drenched it and made the sentence almost unreadable. Guilt collected itself in the pit of her stomach making her feel nauseas and unwell. She had driven him away; it was her fault that her child would grow up without a father. And as mourners clad themselves in black, C.C. enveloped herself in darkness.

"Miss Babcock?" the nasal tones of the former nanny reached her ears, but she didn't have the strength to stand up, let alone to speak.

And still the brunette didn't seem to give up. The click of her high heels on the tiles told her that she was closer to her hiding place than she liked. There had been a time once when all she had cared about was her Babcock pride and dignity. But that was all gone now, taken away by the man she had trusted with her heart.

"Niles?" Fran now called and a stabbing pain ruptured through C.C.'s body.

Niles, the blue-eyed butler with the crooked smile was gone. It became a stronger reality now that not even his best friend seemed to know where he was. Finally the footsteps subsided and when C.C. thought she was alone once more she heard a gasp.

"Miss Babcock!" Fran exclaimed and a moment later she was kneeling by her side.

C.C. understood her shock, for she was hiding in a deserted house with the curtains drawn shut, crouching in a corner and hugging her legs. It almost bordered on a miracle that Fran didn't call an ambulance and sent her back to The Place.

"Can ya hear me?" Fran asked again.

In the back of her mind memories stirred as she clearly perceived Niles' voice saying "Well, it's rather difficult not to." But she pushed them away. Instead she whispered:

"He's gone."

Her voice was raspy and tired and she was sure what a frightful sight she was.

"Niles?" Fran asked once more and C.C. winced again upon hearing his name and merely nodded. "I can't believe that, Miss Babcock, he wouldn't do such a thing. Sure it must be a shock, but he would never-"

"But he is gone!" C.C. now yelled, as more and more sobs escaped her throat.

Fran sat down next to her and pulled the blonde into an embrace without hesitation.

"It's gonna be ok." she whispered over and over again while rubbing C.C.'s back in circles.

C.C. longed to voice all of her doubts and fears but with the memory of the recent betrayal so fresh, confiding in another person seemed a monumental and completely impossible task.

"Max and I are still here and you're still a part of this family, we'll look after you until Niles returns."

This time she listened quietly to the brunette's words, her determination to fight gone as quickly as it had come. As drowsiness settled over her she felt quite content believing in the words, she knew, were merely a fantasy. Soon her lids drifted shut and Niles' note slipped out of her hands.

* * *

"Fran?" Gracie asked softly and C.C. began to stir again.

"Yes, sweety, I'm here. Listen, can ya do me a favour? Run back home and let ya dad know where I am. Tell him that there's been a kinda emergency and that he needs ta prepare the guest room for Miss Babcock."

"Is she alright?" the young girl asked worriedly and though C.C. kept her eyes firmly shut, she was certain Grace was looking at her.

"She will be, now go." Fran said firmly but nicely.

"Thank you, Mrs. Sheffield." C.C. croaked and moved away.

"No worries, I'm just glad I found ya. Meanwhile, do you think ya can stand up?"

C.C. nodded and reaching for the edge of the counter, pulled herself into a standing position.

"Great." Fran praised and slipped an arm around her waist, holding her upright "First we get ya something to eat and then you can go and get some sleep."

C.C. sighed and tried as politely as she could: "I'm not very hungry, I think I'll just go straight to bed."

"Alright then, let's go." Fran said but C.C. shook her head.

"Go on ahead, there's something I need."

Fran eyed her for a moment, her eyes full of concern, before she decided to trust her and leave via the backdoor. Making sure the brunette was out of sight, C.C. slowly walked back to her hiding spot and picked up Niles' note, storing it safely in her trouser pocket. Then, suppressing the returning urge to cry, she forced herself to leave the house. As she walked across the terrace and around the pool still wearing her pyjamas, she was grateful for the warm Californian wind. When Fran, who was sitting on the backstairs, noticed her she immediately jumped to her feet and rushed over to help her once more.

"Maxwell should have the room ready in a minute." she said soothingly but C.C. barely listened.

She nearly sighed with relief upon reaching the room for she was still feeling sluggish and ill.

"You just sleep, C.C.," Maxwell said kindly, helping her into bed "and while you do that I'll ring Niles and talk some sense into the man."

"Would you stop mentioning him!" Fran said who had noticed the pained expression on C.C.'s face and slapped his arm "Oy, you men can be so insensitive sometimes."

C.C. closed her eyes and allowed the voices to drift into the background. The emotional experience of the day combined with the loudness of her environment was beginning to take its toll and she felt overwhelmed by the clear sensory overload. Vaguely she registered that the light was switched off and the door was closed and instinctively she slipped a hand inside her trouser pocket, where it curled around Niles' note. And as she slowly began to fall asleep again, she made believe he was there lying next to her.

* * *

The darkness in the room was confusing, as it made it difficult to determine whether it was day or night and she longed to find out how long she had been sleeping for. The pain hadn't subsided, but it had become minimal, though she was certain that it would hit her again from time to time. Maybe it was simply that her mourning period was over, for an altogether different feeling now seemed to have won the upper hand. Her hurt was nothing but a silent whisper, while fury roared and raged inside her. She was done making excuses for this man, however wonderful he might have been. The fact was that he had severely disappointed her and she doubted that she'd ever be able to forgive him for just leaving her. She would have understood it, had they talked about it and maybe even fought about it. But that he had just run away like a coward was what angered her the most. There were a lot of single mothers in this world, so why shouldn't she be able to do it? Sadness was something for the weak and in her case, an emotion she just couldn't afford right now. The path ahead of her was certainly going to be a hard one, so she had to find that old Babcock strength, if only for the sake of her unborn child. She conveniently overlooked, of course, that dealing with sadness required much more strength than simply giving in to the anger.

With these new resolutions made, she climbed out of bed feeling strong again, if only physically for her soul still needed time to recover. Opening the door she saw sunlight flooding in from the large windows and realised relieved that it was daytime, for she couldn't have spent another moment in seclusion. She walked around the house until the voices of Gracie and Fran drew her to one particular room. She approached quietly, not wanting to disturb the women, who were probably looking after the babies as well. In the background a song was playing and she caught some pieces of the lyrics, before her attention shifted towards the ongoing conversation.

"Do you really think she's going to be alright?" Gracie asked, who was playing with Jonah.

"Miss Babcock can make grown men cry, I'm sure she'll be fine." Fran answered determinedly, before her voice grew a little softer "Though she did look pretty beaten...Well, no surprise there, who woulda thought Niles would do such a thing?"

"You never know a person completely, I guess." C.C. finally said and stepped into the room.

"Ya look good." Fran commented, which was obviously a lie, seeing as she was still in her pyjamas with dishevelled hair and rings under her eyes. "Considering the circumstances," Fran added as if having read her thoughts and C.C. gave her a weak smile.

She walked across the room to take a seat on the floor, her back leaning against the sofa and she watched Eve, who was lying on a blanket staring up at the ceiling.

"I'm done crying," she stated evenly "I won't waste my time thinking about that man anymore."

And as Fran opened her mouth to respond, C.C. challenged her with a look to say something, but the loud-mouthed woman, surprisingly, decided to stay quiet.

"I know you're scared now about being a good mother, but I've seen you with the twins and I'm sure you'll be fine." Gracie timidly said, making quick eye contact before focusing on Jonah again.

C.C. felt another strong wave of emotion surge through her, but she suppressed it before it could rise to the surface.

"Aren't you going to tell me off for approaching your babies?" C.C. addressed Fran, a bit of bitterness still lingering in her tone "I heard you say to Maxwell that I'm not exactly the motherly type."

But Fran steadily held her gaze, not denying it or making excuses.

"It's only a matter of time." she said softly and C.C. nodded.

None of them said a word for a while and C.C. contended herself listening to the music again that was coming from a stereo in the corner.

"_I've had enough of just passing by life  
With the rest of them  
With the best of them  
I can hold my head up high  
For I've got a goal again  
I've got a drive again  
I wanna feel my heart coming alive again  
Before the parade passes by."_

"I like her voice; it's very strong and determined somehow. It makes you feel better just to listen to it." she finally commented, meaning everything she'd said.

"That's Barbra." Fran replied with a knowing grin.

"She's very good, I think I might grow to like her." C.C. repeated, completely unfazed by the revelation.

"Miss Babcock," the brunette suddenly exclaimed "I think it's time you called me Fran."


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello,Hello!:) Thanks to those of you who are still reviewing and I have to mention SamandDianefan10 here in particular coz your wonderful words really made my day-thank you!:) I hope you'll enjoy this chapter,it's a bit longer than the other two and the next one will definitely be a tad longer as well. Bear with me as I'm very much excited for future chapters^^ **

**Disclaimer:I don't own any of the characters...basically anything you recognise isn't mine. **

**Chapter 6:**

Remember me when I am gone away,  
Gone far away into the silent land;  
When you can no more hold me by the hand,  
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.  
Remember me when no more day by day  
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:  
Only remember me; you understand  
It will be late to counsel then or pray.  
Yet if you should forget me for a while  
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:  
For if the darkness and corruption leave  
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,  
Better by far you should forget and smile  
Than that you should remember and be sad.

Christina Rosetti

"So Miss Babcock, have you given any more thought to our offer?" Fran asked, poking her head through the door.

C.C. looked up to her from her crouching position on the floor, paintbrush lifted up in midair.

"Yes and my answer's still the same." she said politely as the brunette entered the room.

"Are you really sure? Max and I have so much space you could have an entire floor to yaself and the baby and then if something is wrong we'd only be seconds away."

C.C. momentarily stopped painting and sat down in a more comfortable position, legs outstretched, arching her back until it clicked pleasantly.

"I'm really grateful for your offer and I do appreciate it, but-" she sighed, taking a moment to compose her thoughts.

The truth was that she was determined to regain her independence and while choosing to deny the help of friends might not be the best move she could make, it was certainly the one that seemed right to her.

"I think this is something I want to do on my own. Niles has left me no choice but while I still have some fight in me left, I am not willing to leave this house. But you make some valid points, of course, but look at it this way, I'm still only minutes away and I'd certainly be very happy for you to come over here and help me." _"But I also want some privacy." s_he silently added in her thoughts.

Fran looked at the woman who had once been her rival so many years ago and wondered if she had grown or if C.C. had mellowed. Either way it seemed remarkable for the two of them to be having such an honest talk, instead of fighting over Maxwell. While she had never liked C.C.'s bluntness and focus on wealth and breeding, she had certainly admired the blonde's ability to stand her ground in the male dominated business world. Apart from that one day several weeks ago when Niles had left without a trace, C.C. had, once again, shown nothing but strength. She had difficulties now looking at the woman and knowing that she was shouldering single motherhood and running a business without any complaints. But that didn't mean that it hadn't taken her by surprise to hear the socialite mention Niles' name, for there had been an unspoken rule not to do so. Fran had obviously tried it at first, but C.C. had ignored her or simply changed the topic. Sometimes there had been moments where she had got downright aggressive and Fran had been forced to drop it. So naturally now that C.C. herself had talked about him, Fran was at a loss for words. Should she use the opportunity to inquire further or would it ruin the mood? But then she remembered why exactly the blonde had called her over and so she decided to simply take the plunge.

"Miss Babcock, are you sure you want me ta throw out all of Niles' things? If he returns he might get angry."

"Fran, it has been two months, there isn't an "if" anymore." And though her tone was cool, a hint of sadness tainted her blue eyes.

"I guess you're right." Fran conceded sadly, who expressed her disappointment in her best friend every chance she got, though of course not towards C.C.

Maxwell had tried to contact him, but his cell was constantly switched off or maybe he had got rid of it altogether. Yet she was still struggling to imagine where Niles was and what he would be doing, for she didn't believe that she could have been so wrong about him.

"So everything I see I'm just gonna throw out, right?" she checked again.

"Yes." C.C. repeated.

"Even the photos?"

"Yes, even them."

Fran nodded but before she left the room, she helped the blonde to her feet.

"Meanwhile, you be careful! Ya not at the beginning of ya pregnancy anymore and I don't want ya to overexert yourself, ok?"

C.C., though reluctantly, had to smile at Fran's care and agreed. Her belly had grown considerably over the past couple of weeks and she now had an undeniable baby bump. She had taken it upon her to decorate the last couple of rooms in the house, but since she wasn't used to painting walls in any case, she was now forced to pause occasionally as her back hurt.

"If ya exhausted now, wait till the final weeks." Fran had said, letting out her honking laugh when C.C. had confided in her.

While the words certainly weren't particularly encouraging, she figured it was all part of the pregnancy and as long as her daughter would be born well and healthy, she didn't mind. As she dipped the paint brush in the blue pot again, her thoughts drifted off to naming her child. Niles had addressed that topic very early on, as a matter of fact, right after they had found out she was pregnant. Several bizarre names had been discussed and while they hadn't agreed on most of them, they had certainly reached a consensus concerning the middle name.

"I think it should be Claire, passing along your name, what do you say?" Niles had asked her, his eyes shining bright with the joy of someone who knew that his expectations would be met.

"I like that and to return the favour it'll be Andrew if it is a boy." she had replied.

But while the middle name was clear she hadn't got any further concerning the first name.

"Definitely not something ridiculous like Chastity." she muttered to herself, dipping the brush in paint once more "I don't know what my mother was thinking."

But then it was quite obvious that her mother clearly hadn't been thinking about the future of the child at all but rather about herself, as it so often seemed to be the case when B.B. Babcock was involved. Chastity certainly had a posh ring to it and therefore must have satisfied her mother to no end. C.C., however, had decided to give her daughter a decent name, something that wouldn't force her to shorten it down to her initials. Should she be breaking with traditions so be it, her whole life had turned out to be rather unconventional, measured by the Babcock standards, of course.

As a young woman while passing through the typical teenage rebellion stage, she had started to move in the completely opposite direction to what her mother's wishes were. And if it had been childish back then, she now felt an especially strong urge to defy her mother. Just thinking about the telephone she had received two weeks after Niles had left, was enough to tempt her to stubbornly lift her chin and cross her arms in front of her chest. Had her mother been present in the room, she would have given her the most disdainful look. Still weakened and thus a perfect target for a vulture like her mother, she had picked up the phone without checking the number first.

"C.C., darling, I'm so glad to hear you've finally come to your senses and kicked that dreadful man out."

She had been speechless for a moment, the sound of her mother's voice as unwelcome as her mentioning of Niles, particularly when combined with the adjective "dreadful". Though she had called Niles a number of vulgar names in her mind and was secretly planning to crush him, should they ever meet again, this still didn't give her mother the right to talk about him like that.

"I never would have thrown him out, _mother_, he was a good man." she had replied curtly.

"What do you mean "was"? I was told that he's gone, but he isn't dead, is he?"

The hopeful tone in her mother's voice finally sent her over the edge and she yelled: "No, he isn't dead, he just left, alright?"

It was, of course, the last thing she had wanted to tell B.B., but now she could hardly take it back.

"I told you he'd disappoint you, didn't I?" B.B. had wasted no time in reminding her "But I forgive you, someone who is weak will always be blinded. You will move back into the house, naturally."

"I will do no such thing," C.C. stated firmly, willing the anger that had been building up to subside "I'm a grown woman and I can take care of this child."

"You aren't thinking clearly, Chastity. Come back home and I will pay for everything you need, what more can you ask for?"

"You know what, mother? You can shove your money up your ass! It's never done me any good and it certainly never stopped you from being a rotten mother. Goodbye."

Had it been any other person but B.B. Babcock, C.C. may have felt something like remorse for her harsh words. But she very much doubted that they had hurt her mother at all, because she had yet to find out if the woman even had a heart. A loud thump from across the hall drew her back into the present and she mused that it was quite surprising, really, that her mother hadn't disowned her on the spot. Of course that was still a threat she had to expect, but her survival instincts told her that she would cope somehow. Though what she was feeling weren't necessarily survival instincts, but rather a strong protectiveness over her unborn child. Even though weeks had passed since that phone call it was still bugging her that she didn't know how her mother had found out. Someone clearly must have let something slip about Niles' leaving. Normally her reaction would have been to confront suspect number one, the yenta from next door, but the fragile friendship that had developed between the two women, stopped her from doing so. Sure, Fran was the biggest gossip she had met, but something told her that Fran would remain quiet about this one. As much as she resented the idea of trusting another person, she had come to discover that it was still something that sometimes couldn't be avoided. After her phone call and with no idea who the spy was, she had felt particularly self-conscious the next day at work and after hours spent obsessing and getting quite paranoid whenever people whispered behind her back, she had come round full force, unleashing the Babcock wrath on the unsuspecting people around her.

It took her another hour to finish painting the nursery, though it had passed much quicker once Fran had placed the radio in the corridor between them and soon the air had been filled with Streisand's beautiful voice. At the end of the day she was completely satisfied with the result of her work. The crib Niles had ordered months ago was standing by the window, so that the sunlight could come flooding in. All other equipment she had purchased, like the diaper changing table, were at distinct spots in the room and C.C. felt proud of having achieved this all on her own.

"I've put it all in bags." Fran announced, stepping into the room "I'll get Max and B to pick it up tomorrow. Can ya believe it's been nearly half a year since I've last seen him? I'm so excited; once Maggie gets here the family reunion will be perfect."

It was hard not to be affected by Fran's honest joy, but C.C. felt melancholy slowly taking hold of her.

"Go home then, I won't keep you much longer." she said with a brave smile.

"Ya obviously invited over for dinner, Miss Babcock." Fran said, hands on her hips.

"I think I'm just gonna pass, thanks. All I want is a nice cup of tea and an early night."

"I understand. I leave ya to it then but honey, you've done a wonderful job, the house looks amazing."

As much as she hated being hugged by anyone without being asked first, she couldn't resist Fran's warmth and it had been a long time since someone had held her. She saw the brunette out and made herself a cup of tea, before she headed towards the bedroom. She dropped her dirty clothes into the hamper and then sat down on the bed, taking a sip from her tea. The weather had suddenly changed and C.C. sat quietly, watching the raindrops that were drawing shapes over the window. Then she shivered and remembered that she wasn't wearing anything but her underwear, so she reached underneath the pillow to pull out her pyjamas. As she put on the pyjama bottoms, she caught sight of Niles' T-shirt, which she had hidden under her pillows as well. As tough as she liked to appear to the outside world, she knew herself too well to simply give everything away that reminded her of him. There were too many moments like today, when she sensed a painful hole in her life and on those days she sought comfort in the old familiarity. She pulled his T-shirt over her head and climbed into bed, covering herself with the sheets. His scent mingled with hers and though it soothed her, it also brought tears to her eyes. After all this time and despite her best efforts, she missed him still. And as her eyes drifted shut she thought with a weak smile that Fran had no idea either that she had hidden a photo of her and Niles behind the baby's first x-ray. Behind the facade of every strong woman, there was a soft core; the trick was to let nobody see it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello, Hello. On we go with the next chapter. If the end bit is a tad rubbish,I do apologise, I've been up half the night and my eyes are now aching like hell. It's my own fault, really, though I'd like to blame it on Daniel Davis. My friend borrowed me her copy of "The Prestige" so I was up half the night watching it...he only has 3 scenes but the movie is fantastic,so it was worth it. Niles will make an appearance the next chapter and I will try to get this to you on Friday,so before I return to England. If not it'll have to be Sunday or Monday,but I know myself. :p Please,please,please keep reviewing and let me know what you think...C.C. and a baby is very difficult to write and she may appear a little soft now...but we'll see. I'm very open to advice though!:) Oh and yay to Lauren Lane for getting nominated for an award!:)**

**Disclaimer: I don't any of the characters,I just love 'em and am deadly obsessed with 'em.**

**Chapter 7:**

A mother's love begins  
Before the child is born  
And lasts through time  
And difficulties  
And differences  
And many wounds  
And days of joy  
And days of sorrow  
Winding, wearing  
Weeping, sharing  
Changing  
Until, at the end  
What remains  
Is that solid core  
That began as love  
Before the child was born.

Anonymous

"_How is my beautiful wife?" Niles' voice interrupted her musings and she put the book she had been reading down on the table. _

_"Still pregnant and nauseous." she replied, closing her eyes against the sun that was warming the rest of her body. _

_"Your morning sickness again?" he inquired and she merely rolled her eyes._

_"No, the butler scent that lingers in the air." she snapped and tried to ignore the goose bumps that spread across her skin when he chuckled. _

_"Are we a little grumpy today, witch?" _

_"You're the one who promised he'd be back earlier today." she said tersely. _

_"So you've missed me?" he asked in a low voice, crouching down behind her chair and let his lips wander over the soft skin of her neck. _

_She made a noise that was somewhere between admitting and denying it. _

_"Have I told you lately how much I love you?" he whispered, while he nipped on a particularly sensitive spot on her neck. _

_"Smooth talk isn't going to help you, Bellboy." she said, trying to keep her voice neutral and composed which was very hard considering the seduction that was going on at the same time. _

_"I'm merely pointing out the obvious, love. You're beautiful, you're witty, you're smart," he listed, accompanying each example with a kiss "you're very sexy." _

_He stopped abruptly, now kneeling in front of her, giving her a boyish smile. _

_"And you, mister, have no idea what you do to me." she replied, cupping his face, suddenly overcome by a wave of emotion. _

_"Would it be terribly inappropriate if I told you right now how much I want to make love to you?" he asked, placing an innocent kiss in the palm of her hand. _

_"Yes." she said, but a little grin was tugging at the corner of her mouth nonetheless. _

_"Would it also be terribly inappropriate," he repeated, this time slowly unbuttoning her blouse "if I told you that I've spent most of the day fantasising about you?" _

_"That depends on the fantasy." she purred, closing her eyes, when she felt his lips between her breasts. _

_"I thought about your body, every curve so sensual, beckoning me to touch you." he continued and she felt the heat rise to her cheeks "I thought about your lips, your caress, how you scream out my name." _

_"Mmh, Niles," she moaned, giving in to his hand that was pulling her towards the floor "not here. We're out on the terrace." _

_"I don't care woman, I must have you." he growled, pulling once more until she came to lie on top of him. _

_She knew she didn't stand a chance and so she pinned his hands above his head and crushed her lips onto his. A groan of pleasure escaped both of their throats before suddenly a sharp pain shot through her body. _

The pain remained, growing stronger by the minute until her eyes snapped open and focused on the walls of her darkened bedroom. The only positive aspect about the lingering pain was that it chased away the remaining feeling of longing and aching for a man who had deserted her. She reached over to switch on the nightstand lamp and then slowly sat up in bed, her back leaning against the headboard.

"I take it you don't like your current accommodation anymore, eh baby?" she whispered tenderly, placing her hands on her big stomach.

Fully awake now, she carefully got out of bed and waddled over to the wardrobe to pick up the bag she had packed weeks ago. She walked down to the kitchen, for lying down only hurt her back, but she kept a close eye on the watch, needing to time the contractions. It was funny almost how she had been an emotional wreck at the beginning of her pregnancy, for no-one would have thought that had they seen her now. C.C. Babcock had managed, once again, to be perfectly prepared for everything. She had attended all the baby courses on her own, decorated the nursery and gone through her pregnancy several times, mentally of course. And now that the baby was about to be born she didn't feel the usual panic that accompanied such event, but instead a serene calm, because this was, after all, what she had been waiting for. Birth was the first step, she could always worry about the future later. When the next contraction hit her, she grabbed hold on the kitchen counter, trying to breathe regularly. When the moment had passed, she picked up the telephone and dialled a number.

"Sheffield?" Fran's sleepy voice answered.

"Good morning, I think my baby wants to come out now." C.C. stated matter-of-factly and there was a long silence at the other end of the line.

"Oh my God!" Fran suddenly exclaimed, finally realising what C.C. meant "I'll be over in a second. I call the driver, you call the hospital. Can you walk?Yes? We'll meet you in front of the house then."

C.C. chuckled softly, knowing that all hell must've broken loose now at the Sheffield residence, but Fran had insisted on being informed and despite C.C.'s relative calm she certainly wanted someone to come with her. Getting dressed took much longer than she had expected, seeing as she had to pause now and again when pain shot through her and so once they reached the hospital, her contractions were coming quite regularly , with only a few minutes apart. Both Sheffields had come with her to show their support while the newly hired nanny was looking after the twins.

"Are you sure you don't want me ta come in with ya?" Fran checked, as C.C. was wheeled off into the delivery room.

"Positive." she replied with a brave smile.

This was a moment she wanted to burn into her memory forever. The first intimate contact with her daughter whom she loved so very much already and the first human being who'd love her unconditionally ever since Niles had left. And yet she couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness and helplessness as she lay there, following the nurses' instructions of pushing and breathing. She was really going to do this and on her own and she wished, though she'd later deny that, that Niles was there with her holding her hand and whispering encouraging words.

"One last push." The nurse instructed and C.C. gave everything she had left.

When the cries of her daughter pierced the air, C.C. was caught in what could only be described as a limbo of emotions. She felt a strong possessiveness over this small creature that couldn't defend itself, as well as an overwhelming sense of pride. This child was hers, so tiny and yet perfect and she marvelled at her little nose and fragile fingers. This daughter who was so wonderfully perfect could hardly be hers and so for her it had something miraculous, when the doctor handed her her child for the very first time.

"Hello little Sam." she whispered, placing a careful kiss on the baby's head.

The child opened her light-blue eyes and simply stared up at her in awe. C.C., who was just as stunned by the moment, could only look back at her. Suddenly, when her daughter's cries subsided and she closed her eyes and dozed off, C.C. began to weep. She felt tired and exhausted and she wished she could've seen Niles looking at their child. She longed to see the pride in his eyes, the tears that he wouldn't be able to suppress and she felt completely incapable of taking on the responsibility of looking after this beautiful creature.

"Miss Babcock, she's gorgeous!" Fran cried and then noticed the blonde's tears "Are you ok?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Just a little bit overwhelmed."

"I know the feeling." Fran said with a proud grin "Can I hold... what's her name?"

"Samantha Claire Babcock." C.C. told her, though it was technically still "Brightmore".

"Hi Samantha, I'm your aunt Fran and this is your uncle Max." Fran said to the sleeping baby, after she had lifted it out of C.C.'s arms.

"She's beautiful, congratulations, C.C." Maxwell chimed in, who was cooing over the baby as well.

A moment later a nurse came in and explained that C.C. needed some rest now and would be woken up later to feed her child. After she had bid Max and Fran goodbye she helplessly watched as her daughter was taken away. And tired though she was, she felt the strong desire to jump to her feet and claim her daughter back. Even though the daunting task ahead of her had become clear now, she had also felt a sense of comfort and calm with the baby so close to her, it felt wrong to leave her even for a little while just for something ridiculous like sleep. But even as she was mentally berating the nurses and doctors, her lids fluttered shut and she drifted off to dreamland once more.

* * *

Weeks later, C.C. and her healthy little daughter were managing everyday life alright. As planned she had taken time off work to look after her child and to begin with this task filled her with the greatest joy. As a matter of fact, she felt so protective of Samantha, that the thought to leave her alone was too much to bear. Had she been doubtful at first about her ability of handling a child without hurting it, both of them had soon developed a routine that suggested the contrary. At night when the baby cried, C.C. would race to her side and see what she needed; she'd get up again early the next morning to feed her, then spent a few hours playing with her and carrying her around and then they'd both take a well deserved nap. The only difficulty she had had and was still having, was bathing the baby. The first time she had tried it Samantha had wailed so loudly, that C.C.'s concern had stopped her from pushing on. Tentatively she had told Fran about it who had calmed her by explaining that some babies simply didn't like being bathed and she had offered to help her the next time round. With Fran's help the baby had finally gotten its first bath in the new house, though it had been an ordeal for both, mother and daughter. Samantha had cried her eyes out and Fran thought that C.C. looked as if she was in pain. It was hard, of course, to overcome those motherly instincts that told her to rescue her baby from a situation she clearly hated. And Fran had had to admit to herself that this pregnancy had certainly softened C.C. Later on the blonde had discovered that the best way to wash Samantha was to take her along when she was having a bath herself. The little girl clung to her mother at first, terrified as always, but as her mother had begun to relax, so had she and the skin-to-skin contact was one of the most precious moments of the day. That was, of course, until C.C. attempted to wash her daughter's golden curls. No touch, no words could wipe those tears away and C.C. felt horrible every single time, knowing that it had to be done.

* * *

One year later their well-structured morning routine was put to the test, for that particular day was rather special indeed.

"C.C., are you up yet?" Fran called and moments later the blonde emerged in the kitchen, carrying her daughter on her arm.

"Of course we're up, have been for quite a while. But mummy isn't ready yet, so whoops...here we go to aunty Fran while mummy gets ready." C.C. handed Fran her daughter with ease and disappeared up the stairs again.

Today was her first day back at work and though she had been looking forward to this for weeks, now that the time had finally arrived, she was having difficulties leaving her child behind. Her blonde hair was once again cut short, attempting to give her back a little of the severity of the business woman she had been some time ago. Knowing how important appearances were in California she applied her make-up carefully and then eyed herself in the mirror. She had lost a fair deal of her pregnancy pounds, though not enough that people wouldn't scowl at her. Pleased with the image she saw she decided that her outfit choice of a knee-length skirt, black stilettos and a simple white blouse had been the right one, she left the bathroom behind, grabbing her briefcase on the way.

"What are we gonna have for breakfast then, eh Sammy?" Fran was cooing at the baby who giggled happily.

"We've already eaten." C.C. answered for her and Fran shook her head.

"We still wanna have a little nosh."

"Alright, sweety, I know that aunty Fran's going to spoil you once mummy is gone but don't eat too much or you'll look like your great-aunt Sylvia." C.C. told her and Sam listened attentively, before giving her a look of sheer horror.

"Ok, mummy." she answered shyly, still struggling to get the words out.

"That's my girl." C.C. said proudly and lifted her up into her arms again "I'm going to miss you terribly while I'm gone, Sam, but I'll be back soon. So you have fun with Fran." she told her daughter whose blue eyes matched hers exactly.

"Bye, mummy." The little girl said and flung her arms around her neck, while pressing a small kiss against her cheek.

Her practicality where other people were concerned still amazed C.C., never before had she seen such a little girl handling her mother's leaving with such ease. C.C. took a deep breath, finding it hard to get back into Bitch of Broadway mode, when her daughter could melt her heart so easily.

"Knock 'em dead." Fran said and her honking laugh accompanied her on the way out.

As she walked along the path that led to the main house, C.C. wondered if she'd ever feel like her old self again. Fran and Gracie had told her to go out and experience life but C.C. had declined and instead persuaded them to look after her daughter so she could return to work. This was, after all, what life had been like for her before Niles had confessed his love. And maybe this new start would do her good, help her overcome the restlessness she had been experiencing lately.

"Are you ready to work, C.C.?" Maxwell asked who was holding the limo door open for her.

"More than ever," she said confidently and stepped inside.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello, Hello!:) My final update from Germany before I return to England tomorrow. The years are moving by and Niles is in this chapter, as promised!;) Hopefully you'll continue to read and review and I haven't let you down yet. Right, I'll try and work on chapter 9 in the following days, but since I'm moving into a new house and need to sort out things like my Internet access, I can't really tell you when I'll be back. Hopefully it'll be on Sunday night, as I'm trying to get everything done by then. Leave me a few reviews until then and make this stupid "leaving home after a looong summer holiday"-feeling go away. ;)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything but a couple of silly ideas. **

**Chapter 8:**

Memory of sun seeps from the heart.  
Grass grows yellower.  
Faintly if at all the early snowflakes  
Hover, hover.

Water becoming ice is slowing in  
The narrow channels.  
Nothing at all will happen here again,  
Will ever happen.

Against the sky the willow spreads a fan  
The silk's torn off.  
Maybe it's better I did not become  
Your wife.

Memory of sun seeps from the heart.  
What is it? - Dark?  
Perhaps! Winter will have occupied us  
In the night.

Anna Akhmatova

It was a sunny weekend in April and C.C. and Sam were spending their day at the Sheffield residence as they so often did. C.C. was watching her daughter with eagle eyes who, completely wrapped up in her game of hide and seek with the twins, didn't notice. Jonah and Samantha had both taken after their mothers, while Eve had the warm eyes and quiet nature of her father. Samantha hadn't yet asked about her father and C.C. dreaded the inevitable moment. But to see her daughter play so happily without a care in the world, assured her that she was doing a good job and so other worries could be put off until later.

"Fran wants to see you for a moment." Gracie announced who had stepped into the room without her noticing "I'll look after the kids, don't worry."

C.C. gave her a grateful smile and, squeezing her shoulders, went to find Fran. The previously youngest Sheffield, always mature for her age, had grown to be a reliable young woman. She excelled in her studies and never complained about spending time with the children, in fact, she seemed to rather enjoy it. After a little while of searching around, C.C. found Fran in her bedroom, looking through her wardrobe.

"What is it?" she asked, making her presence known.

"Oh, I bought a dress...ya know, to celebrate Max's and my anniversary and I wanted to get your opinion." Fran easily explained, finally getting hold of the right dress bag.

"Well, I wouldn't call this a dress," C.C. commented, examining the skimpy red number "why don't you just go naked?"

"I know it isn't your style, though with these legs of yours, it wouldn't kill ya to-"

"Fran!"

"Alright, alright. So bearing in mind that _I'm_ gonna wear this, what do ya say?"

"It's fine. You won't be wearing it for long." C.C. replied, winking at the brunette.

"Speaking of anniversaries and celebrations... we've just celebrated Sam's 2nd birthday, aren't you going to call Niles?"

C.C.'s heart leapt to her throat upon hearing the name of her former lover.

"What?" she exclaimed, whirling around and fixing Fran with a deadly stare.

"Ya still thinking about him," Fran persisted stubbornly.

"That's not true." C.C. replied unblinking.

"Stop lying to yourself, for god's sake you aren't even divorced, you still have his name and he still has your heart."

"Stop talking about something you don't understand." C.C. growled, wrapping her arms around her body and turning to face the window once more.

"But I do understand," Fran repeated "I can see how lonely ya are, how closely ya watching Sam, afraid that she might run away too any moment. Just give him a call, if you'd talk about it you could-"

"Don't," C.C. whispered, trying to stop herself from shaking "It's not that easy, you said yourself last year that Niles had disappeared, I don't have his number, I don't have an address... he might be back in Europe for all I know."

Fran was about to speak again, but then she saw a movement outside the window and stepped closer to see what it was.

"A taxi just pulled up," C.C. muttered, whose eyes were screwed to the clearly male figure paying the driver.

"We're not expecting any visitors." Fran wondered confusedly.

C.C. narrowed her eyes, trying to see who it was while her heart was racing. There were only two people she could think of: Niles or her mother. But seeing as the figure was definitely male, it could only be...

"Noel!" she suddenly exclaimed, when the person emerged from the cab.

Seeing her brother there was certainly a nice surprise and tearing herself from the window she charged downstairs to greet him.

"C.C.!" he said happily, firmly shaking her hand.

"It's so good to see you." C.C. whispered quietly and ignoring his surprised look, flung herself into his arms.

Even though it was the first time that they had shared such a gesture, she felt safe and even had to smile about the shy way he was patting her back.

"I really didn't expect to see you," C.C. explained, twisting her fingers in embarrassment.

"We've got something in common, because I certainly didn't expect such a heartfelt greeting. Motherhood seems to have mellowed you."

At this C.C. took a defensive step back and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Has mother sent you to spy?"

"Though your suspicions are understandable, I'm a little hurt. You know very well that my loyalties lie with daddy and so do yours. Your mother informed D.D. of your pregnancy and her, being the spoilt little girl she is, got in a right huff about you and the butler, so naturally word didn't spread any further. Then suddenly a couple of weeks ago she let things slip in front of daddy and he said he'd make room in his busy schedule to see his grand-child, but...you know what he's like."

C.C. nodded, smiling softly, so used to her father's constant business engagements that it had been more shocking, had he actually turned up.

"But I took leave from the University as soon as I could, so here I am."

"Did D.D. happen to mention that Niles has left me?" C.C. quietly asked.

"Yes, but I didn't believe a word, he seemed such a decent man."

She laughed bitterly. "He fooled all of us."

"So it's true then?" Noel probed.

"Yes, left me like a coward when he found out he wasn't the father." C.C. replied, pain and disappointment drenching every word.

"It doesn't suit you to talk like that," Noel chided gently "and you have to be careful, don't let it consume you like it did mother."

C.C. sighed deeply and closed her eyes against the tears that threatened to spill over. "You're right. But come inside and I'll call Sam. She doesn't know anything about Niles though, so I'd be grateful if you wouldn't mention him anymore."

He nodded quietly, noting that it would probably be wiser not to mention the butler to her either.

"Samantha, come down here for a second." C.C. yelled in a rather untypical fashion.

It took several minutes, but finally a small face appeared at the top of the stairs, eyeing her shyly. "Am I in trouble?" the girl asked.

"No, of course not, otherwise I would have used your full name." C.C. said with a smile and saw relief washing over her daughter "Come down here, I've got a surprise for you."

Sam's eyes lit up with excitement and she hastily ran down the stairs, nearly tripping and falling as she went, but she came to a sudden halt just behind her mother, when she noticed the strange man.

"Now don't be shy," C.C. said gently.

"I'm not!" Sam insisted stubbornly, though she made no attempt to emerge from her hiding place.

"If you're scared, I'm afraid we're going to have to send your uncle back home." C.C. tried and bit back a laugh, when her daughter jumped in front of Noel from behind her back.

"You're my uncle?" Sam asked, her voice high with exhilaration.

"That I am indeed. Noel Babcock, it's very nice to meet you Samantha." he said formally, kneeling down in front of her.

"But mummy," Sam suddenly said, turning around to look at her mother "if he's my uncle why isn't he called Brightmore?"

Noel's eyes widened and C.C. hurried to say: "It's because he's married."

Sam continued to stare at her suspiciously but then, seemingly content with the answer, she nodded her head.

"Go back upstairs and let Fran know that we're taking you for ice cream."

"Ok!" Sam agreed happily, hopping up and down.

"And don't run or you'll fall." C.C. reminded her sternly.

"I am not going to fall, I'm big enough." Sam contradicted and glared at her mother angrily before she disappeared upstairs.

"She's certainly got the Babcock stare down to a T and she's a sharp one, that girl." he complimented with a proud smile "You did a wonderful job, Chas."

C.C. was spared an answer when the whirlwind that was her daughter, raced down the stairs once more.

"Now hold on a minute," C.C. stopped her before she could run out of the door.

Sam lowered her head and moodily trudged back to her mother.

"What have I told you about running in the house?" C.C. asked, crouching down to fix the pigtails that were holding her daughter's wild mess of curls tamed.

"That I shouldn't do it," Sam answered quietly.

"Exactly. And now pull your dress down or you'll give all the boys a show and once you're done we can get going."

Sam's mouth went into a natural pout and her light-blue eyes fixed her innocently. "But aunty Fran said it's important to show boys something."

"Well, but I'm your mother and I am telling you that a little mystery never hurt anyone." C.C. said, winking at her daughter who giggled in return.

"Come on, uncle Noel, let's buy some ice- cream. I want a biiig vanilla one, though the chocolate is very nice... Eve told me to get strawberry though..." Sam rambled on, while grabbing Noel's hand and pulling him along.

C.C. chuckled in a low voice and upon seeing her brother's frightened face, commented: "Loosen up, Noel, it's only a little girl!"

* * *

"Sir? Sir!" a voice called him and he noticed that he had been staring at the rice without stirring it once. As a result of his carelessness, it was now sticking to the pan and eliciting a strong smell.

"I'm sorry, Jack, my mind's somewhere else today." Niles apologised, grabbing the saucepan and began to scrape the contents into a bin.

"Not to worry, we all have days like that."

Niles nodded silently and began to rinse the saucepan, hoping to salvage it at least. The difference was that Niles was having these kinds of moments constantly, though it had never occurred while he was at work. It was the damn mushroom risotto he'd been asked to prepare; a dish that was his wife's favourite and a perfect invitation to unwelcome thoughts concerning her. It had been nearly three years since his departure from California and not a day had gone by without him pondering this decision.

"You know, Sir, if you don't feel alright, you could always teach me the recipe later."

"No Jack, don't be silly," Niles refused with what he hoped was a friendly smile "it's very kind of you to offer, but I'm fine really. I'll just have to make the risotto again later, it won't take me very long. But for now we shall concentrate on your chilli con carne."

The young man nodded enthusiastically and at once hurried to collect all the ingredients. Niles took a moment to breathe and filled a glass with water from which he took occasional sips. As he looked around the kitchen a sense of pride still filled him, but with all positive emotions it was usually companied by something else, something he couldn't put his finger on. As much as he liked the life he had built for himself, a part of him never felt content, something was always missing. _She _was missing. It was as if her laughter and their jokes had kept him alive, for without her he had aged quite rapidly. The grey hair had started by his temples, not notable at first because of his natural dark-blonde hair colour, but now that it had spread Niles looked much older than a man in his mid-fifties. His job, however, kept him busy enough to maintain his well-built physique and though never quite happy himself, he was still a fair man, respected and liked by his many colleagues. Those people, like Jack for instance, had only recently entered his life though, so naturally they didn't notice that his deep-blue eyes didn't light up anymore as they once had and that his lopsided grin, which had so easily stolen a woman's breath, was a rarity nowadays.

"We're going to make chilli con carne with potatoes today, I seem unable to handle rice at the moment." he joked lightly, when Jack returned.

"So Mr. Brightmore, I wanted to thank you for giving me a chance." The young man said as they both peeled potatoes "I know that I'm not half as experienced as the rest of the crew, but I promise I'll catch up."

"I'm counting on it," Niles said, though his tone suggested the good nature of his comment "because I know what it's like to start anew in a foreign country. You deserved a break."

"You are from England, aren't you, Sir?" the boy pressed on, eager to find out more.

"Yes, half British, half French. Born in Oxfordshire and are you from Dublin?" Niles inquired, the Irish accent hadn't escaped him.

"No, Sir. I'm from Cork."

"I've never visited Ireland," Niles told him conversationally, while throwing the potato skins away "strange, isn't it? Sometimes you appreciate something more when it's far away..."

Realising that his thoughts were drifting off once more and that the boy was waiting for further instructions, Niles tore himself away and grabbed a couple of onions.

"Chop these, in the meantime I'll get some more mushrooms ready for the risotto."

They continued to work in silence until Jack announced that he had finished.

"Good, put some oil into the pan, wait till it's heated and then throw in the onions. Fry them until they turn golden, then add the minced meat, I'm always using a mixture of beef and pork, but make sure you tear it into pieces."

Once again they worked at different stoves as Niles was quite certain of the boy's ability to work on his own. Giving his risotto one last stir, he walked over to take a look and nodded approvingly.

"Good, now add the kidney beans and fry them lightly. Call me when you're ready and I'll explain about the seasoning."

The smell of the risotto pulled him back towards his stove and he continued the mundane task of stirring it constantly. Nonetheless, it was an easy dish to make and one he had prepared for C.C. several times: celebratory purposes or simply when she had a long, tiring day at work.

"Ok, Sir, I'm done." Jack called and Niles abandoned his dish once more.

"Ok, you are going to add a little salt, not too much and then you are going to use Curry, hot pepper and the best: Cayenne Chilli. Don't make it too hot unless people request it, alright?"

Normally it was the case that the chef demonstrated how it was done, to give the apprentices an idea of the amount, but Niles always thought that they had to try it themselves to develop a proper understanding.

"This tastes very nice." Jack exclaimed happily after several minutes and Niles nodded:

"Quick, easy and absolutely delicious. You've done a wonderful job today, Jack, go clean everything up and then you can head home."

"Thank you, Sir." The man said gratefully and with a curt nod Niles returned to his stove.

As always he was the last one to leave the kitchen, having ensured that everything was tidy and certain dishes were prepared for the following day. Switching off the lights and locking the door behind him, he headed out into the uncontrollable April weather in New York City, the collar of his coat drawn high to keep the wind at bay. And as he walked home in the rain he wondered, as he did so many times, if he should call C.C., find out how she was and the baby. But every time he made this decision, fear had a firm grip on his heart, as he dreaded to hear she had a new partner, dreaded to hear that something was wrong with the baby, but most importantly dreading to face the repercussions of his flight that would tell him he could never make things right again.

"I still love her," he muttered to himself and wondered if he would ever stop.


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello, Hello. First update from good,old England. I'm half-asleep as I'm writing this, because the last couple of days have been rather exhausting. I've settled in ok though thus far, though my Internet connection is still a little dodgy...hopefully it'll be sorted soon. Anyways, I did promise you an update, so here we are. Please leave me a couple of reviews and cheer me up, I'm still in holiday mode and not too excited about the first proper Uni day tomorrow. Chapter 10 will be up asap and there will be a reunion of sorts. Oh and while I was on the plane, I figured out the rest of this story, it'll have 20 chapters and 1 Epilogue. In case anyone is interested in this!;)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, just the strong desire to see Lauren Lane live! lol  
**

**Chapter 9:**

I held a moment in my hand,

Brilliant as a star,

Fragile as a flower,

A shiny silver out of one hour.

I dropped it carelessly.

Oh God! I knew not

I held opportunity.

Hazel Lee

"So Noel," C.C. began, trying to find the right words.

It was their last evening together, before her brother would return to the east coast. They were sitting on the couch in the living room and were enjoying a glass of wine now that Sam was properly tugged in.

"Are you finally going to tell me what's been bothering you?" Noel inquired, eyeing her over the top of his glasses.

"Yes, I am, though I'm not sure if you are expecting the right topic. I've been feeling restless lately and I think it's time I left California behind."

Noel took a sip of his wine, before he set the glass down on the table. "Do you really think it's wise leaving this house? I mean, you have a job here and Sam knows everyone. You've got friends next door who can always help you."

C.C. heaved a deep sigh, these were the arguments she had been debating over during the past few weeks.

"Moving away to a different state would mean a completely new start and no-one you know by your side. Is that really what you want?"

He knew, of course, that once his sister's mind was made up there'd be no way to talk her out of it, but as she was still asking for his opinion, he might as well give it his best shot.

"It certainly won't be easy," C.C. admitted quietly "but I've had to do a lot on my own, I can do this too."

"Why are you so adamant about leaving now?"

"I thought once I got back to work I'd be happier again. Don't get me wrong, I love Sam, but I also needed to get out and have a grown-up life, yet all the people at the set have different values and nothing is like it was in New York. Niles and I never wanted to move here in the first place, but Max got that sitcom so we did and maybe with him by my side it wouldn't have been too bad..."

Silence engulfed them once more, as C.C. rested her head in her hands, lost in thoughts again.

"You know the true reason, don't you?" Noel probed gently "You want to leave a house behind that reminds you of the happiness you two once shared."

C.C. swallowed and when she looked up again, her face was unreadable. "Can you blame me?" she firmly asked.

Noel held her look for a little while, before he shrugged in resignation. "How can I help you?"

"Pull a few strings, get me an apartment. I think it's time Sam and I went home."

* * *

It was the last night at their house in L.A. and though it was only early in the evening, C.C. was already lying in bed, Sam snuggled up against her.

"You look sad, mummy." The three-year old observed and C.C. smiled despite herself.

"I am a bit blue, tonight, baby, but don't you worry about it."

"Is it because we're leaving tomorrow?" her daughter inquired and C.C. nodded.

"Yes, it's not easy to say goodbye."

"I haven't said anything to aunty Fran, just like you told me, maybe you should tell her! That could cheer you up."

C.C. smiled again and pulled her daughter closer, squeezing her lightly. "That's a great thought, Sam, but it's our little secret, alright? We'll call aunty Fran from the new apartment."

"I wish I could have told Jonah and Eve, today when I hugged them Jonah made fun of me..." Sam complained.

"But he didn't really know that you were saying goodbye, did he? So don't be angry with him." C.C. explained, hoping that her daughter would forgive her eventually for taking her away from everything that was familiar.

"Tell me again about the place that we're moving to." Sam pleaded, resting her head on her mother's chest and closing her eyes when the deep, soothing voice lulled her senses and extinguished her fears.

"You are going to love it. The weather is a bit more temperamental than it is here, but we'll have snow in winter and can build a snowman. There are a lot of big parks where we can play and theatres."

"More than here? Will you take me to all of them?"

"It might take a while," C.C. said chuckling "but I'll certainly show you as many as you want to see. We can go to the opera and the ballet as well."

"And see Papageno?" Sam asked sleepily.

C.C. smiled at her daughter's obsession with Mozart's "The Magic Flute" but nodded. "Yes, my love, we'll definitely see Papageno."

"I'll miss aunty Fran and uncle Max." Sam mumbled, almost completely asleep.

"So will I, babe, so will I." C.C. whispered, placing a kiss on her daughter's forehead.

As Sam's breathing calmed and C.C. felt her falling asleep, she still couldn't manage to do the same. Excitement and nervousness were battling inside her and yet she couldn't fight the feeling that told her that she had made the right decision. With Noel's help she had soon found a new apartment she liked and it was spacious enough for the two of them. The few items that meant something to her had long since been wrapped up and packed into boxes and transported across the U.S. All of this had taken over half a year, but it was finally time to move. How she had accomplished this without Fran noticing was still beyond her. She didn't know why she had decided not to fill in the Sheffields, for they would surely worry about their disappearance and she begrudgingly had to admit that her behaviour was quite similar to Niles' when he had left her without a trace. But this new start Sam and she were about to embark on could only be achieved if she left everything that reminded her of the past behind and unfortunately that also included Fran and Maxwell. Tomorrow, early in the morning, C.C. and her daughter would leave the house that Niles had found for them, taking only the packed suitcases that were already waiting outside in the hall. All that she needed was right there by her side and everything else could be replaced or acquired again.

* * *

Christmas was rapidly approaching and a snow storm held New York City in its firm grip. Niles, who had been out in the storm for the better part of the day, had jumped into the shower, the moment he had arrived at home. He was freezing even when the hot water began to warm his body, though the chill he was feeling might have been related to the decision he had finally made: It was time to call California, time to face the music and find out what he had missed. Maybe it was the Christmas spirit that was persuading him now to share his love, though it was more likely to be the loneliness that overcame him when he saw all the couples out in the streets, some of them married, buying gifts for their children. It was a constant reminder of the life he could've had, the opportunity he had wasted. Though Niles was naive enough to think he might begin to make things right with a simple phone call, he wasn't stupid enough to call C.C. directly. Aware that he had hurt her and that she was thus likely to hang up the minute she heard his voice, he decided to call Fran instead.

After his body was thoroughly warmed up and only a light chill remained, he stepped out of the shower and, wrapping a towel around his waist, eyed himself in the mirror. A colleague of his with whom he had worked for quite a number of years, had repeatedly asked him to go on a date with a friend of his. Niles had denied his request several times, feeling that he'd only be leading the lady on, seeing as his heart still belonged to C.C. But today he had finally given in, agreed to go on one date as a favour for a man who had slowly become his best friend. Now that he was looking at himself in the mirror though, he wondered what had made him agree. George had told him several times how attractive he looked to women, how easily he could win them over by flashing his charming smile but the face that Niles saw in the mirror was merely tired and guilt-ridden. He shook his head and tore himself away from the image, the date wasn't until the beginning of the next year, and it was wiser to focus on the impending phone call.

Towelling his hair he put on his pyjama bottoms and walked into the small living room. The telephone was already resting on the table, just waiting to be picked up and yet Niles stared at it silently for several minutes. He hadn't spoken to Fran for many years, so it only made sense to think carefully what he was going to say and how he could possibly explain his behaviour. Running a hand over his face he took a deep breath and then began to dial the number, a number he knew by heart for his fingers had often before moved over the keys, but he had always lost his nerve the last minute. And even now, that his decision was firmly made, he didn't manage to call the first time. Erasing the number, he set the phone down on the table and began to pace in his living room. Fran was going to bite his head off and she certainly had every right to, but what was more important to him: Winning C.C. back or saving his hide? No, he had made that mistake once before, it wouldn't happen again. Determinedly he strode back to the sofa, sat down and dialled the number once more. As the phone rang several times, Niles could feel himself break into a sweat.

"Sheffield residence?" an unfamiliar voice asked and Niles figured it had to be the new butler.

"Yes um... I'd like to talk to Mrs. Sheffield, please, is she available?" he asked and noted with annoyance that his voice was trembling.

"Yes, just a minute, Sir. Who may I say is calling?"

"Tell her it's Niles, she'll know who I am. And could you please make sure she's alone? Thank you."

The butler gave another polite answer and then the phone went silent for a moment while Niles listened intently.

"Who is this?" his best friend's voice asked and Niles felt dread and hope well up at the same time.

"It's me, Mrs. Sheffield, Niles." he said quietly and swallowed when he heard her gasp.

"So it's true? And I thought someone was playing a prank on me." she finally said.

"No, I'm afraid it's not a prank." he replied carefully, afraid of the lecture that was sure to follow.

"Are you dying?" she asked, but before he could say anything she continued "Because that's the only reason I can see why you'd be calling now."

Niles sighed and got up from his sitting position to stand by the window. "Fran, I'm sorry." he quietly said.

"Shouldn't ya be apologising to C.C.? Though I don't think that's gonna cut it, mistah."

"She wouldn't talk to me," he replied and Fran scoffed.

"Well, duh!"

"Don't make this harder for me than it already is." he pleaded.

"Ya don't deserve anything else, and ya know it. Ya lost the right for a gentle treatment when ya abandoned ya pregnant wife."

This time Niles remained silent, for no words could've expressed the guilt he was feeling.

"Why did ya do it?" Fran finally asked, her voice a little softer.

"Anything I'd say would only sound like a flimsy excuse."

"Just try, Niles, you were always my best friend and I want to understand ya reasons. I would hate ta have been wrong about you..."

He sighed, trying to figure out where to begin. "Even when C.C. and I had been married for several weeks, it still felt like a miracle to me, you know? A butler like me falling in love with the rich, beautiful socialite was a very old story, but the two of them getting married, well, that's certainly unheard of. So even the times when C.C. told me she loved me and my heart was swelling with joy, I couldn't help but wonder if all of this hadn't happened too quickly. I've been in love with her for a very long time and I mean, I don't have to tell you this because you were present, C.C. was less than happy when she found out. It took one big fight and many hurtful words to drive her into my arms, but maybe it never should've happened. Maybe I pushed her by confronting her with her fears of dying alone. These thoughts and doubts weren't why I left her though, but they do have their place. C.C.'s mother called me one day in California and fuelled all of these fears by saying that C.C. only married me because I got her pregnant and if the child shouldn't be mine, chances were she might leave me. Well, Fran, I got that phone call on the exact same day I found out that I wasn't the father of C.C.'s child. It shook me up and made me afraid of the future, but there was something else. I was afraid that maybe I wouldn't be able to love the baby because it wasn't mine, that it would suffer and C.C. too because of my indifference, therefore I took it for the best to leave before either one of them had gotten too attached."

"C.C. was heartbroken, she loved you, do you know that?"

"Of course I do." he replied sadly.

"I'm not sure that ya do, Niles. Ya didn't see her after you had left, she looked broken somehow, lost."

"I never meant to cause her such harm." he said, tears welling up in his eyes.

"I know, sweety, you are a good man. But you're also human, we all make mistakes."

"Do you think there's still time to fix this?" he asked, dreading the answer.

"I'm not sure," Fran replied truthfully "C.C. never stopped loving you, but..."

His heart was racing so much at the thought, that he completely ignored Fran's "but" and instead asked: "So she doesn't have a new partner?"

"Have ya been listening ta me at all, you shmegegge?" Fran asked and Niles had to chuckle.

"Is the child alright?" he asked.

"Yes, Samantha's fine, she's a beautiful little girl and takes a lot after her mother. C.C.'s done an amazing job, who woulda thought?"

"I did," Niles whispered, all humour leaving him once more.

"I know ya probably don't want ta hear this, but you woulda loved her, she's gorgeous."

"Listen, Fran, I want to make this right again. Is there any way you could talk to C.C. and maybe persuade her to talk to me on the phone?"

"I can't do that, Scarecrow."

"But Fran, I don't see how else I-"

"Ya don't understand. I'd love to help ya, but C.C. isn't here anymore."

"Well, where is she then?" he asked impatiently.

"I dunno for sure. She just left without a trace last month, no address, no phone number. Only a note saying she'd gone back home. But why would she return to her mother?"

"I don't think she meant her mother, I think she meant New York." Niles voiced "You know, C.C. and I never really wanted to leave here, we always called it our home."

"Ya might be right." Fran agreed "Does that mean you are back there as well?"

"Yes, it was the only place worth returning to."

"Are you cheating on us with another family?" Fran asked shocked and Niles chuckled once more.

"No, I'm not a butler anymore. I'm running my own catering company and quite successfully too."

"How did ya get that job?"

"Oh through connections in the butler society." he explained.

And even though their phone call lasted for a very long time (they did have a lot to discuss, after all) ,the only thing that was really occupying Niles' mind was that C.C. and him were living in the same city and that there had to be a way to see her again.


	10. Chapter 10

**Hello, Hello. Did this update only feel so long to me, or to you as well?lol Anyways, I apologise for the rather slow start of this chapter, I was totally exhausted on Monday yet forced myself to write, something I maybe shouldn't have done. But I still hope you'll enjoy this chapter. Uni is keeping me rather busy, though I actually don't have that many lectures. But between starting on my dissertation, the usual essays AND getting stuff together for my Master's application, I'm often left feeling rather tired. I also have 3 assignments due in within the next three weeks, but I will certainly try to keep the updates coming fairly regularly. ;) Anyways, enough of me...in this chapter Niles and C.C. meet again for the first time and I hope it is believable, please get back to me on that. Read and review please, as it makes this busy student VERY happy!;)**

**Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine, I'm simply borrowing them because they are rather awesome!:)  
**

**Chapter 10:**

You may write me down in history  
With your bitter, twisted lies,  
You may trod me in the very dirt  
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?  
Why are you beset with gloom?  
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells  
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,  
With the certainty of tides,  
Just like hopes springing high,  
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?  
Bowed head and lowered eyes?  
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.  
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?  
Don't you take it awful hard  
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines  
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,  
You may cut me with your eyes,  
You may kill me with your hatefulness,  
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?  
Does it come as a surprise  
That I dance like I've got diamonds  
At the meeting of my thighs?

Excerpt of poem by Maya Angelou

Niles spent the following days searching through telephone books and keeping his eyes open wherever he went, intend on finding her. Of course, it never occurred to him that they weren't divorced, and that therefore he wouldn't find a C.C. Babcock, but rather a C.C. Brightmore. When Christmas day arrived and he still hadn't found her, desperation took over. It had clearly been very naive to think that he'd see her again so quickly and yet... This was the time when miracles happened, though it seemed that where C.C. and he were concerned, all the miracles had been used up already. He sat down by the small Christmas tree in his apartment and took a sip of his eggnog. She was so close and in his hopelessness he prayed to God to give him another chance.

Unbeknownst to him C.C.'s thoughts had wandered in the same direction. She had never liked Christmas as a child, for it wasn't celebrated in the Babcock household. But when Niles had entered her life, they had made it a point to spend the holidays together, despite their usual banter and bickering. And now that she had a little girl who was happily unwrapping her presents under the tree, it was all too easy to imagine him there with them.

"Thank you mummy," Sam said, proudly holding the wooden sword up in the air.

C.C. smiled at her daughter who was more tomboyish than she had been at that age. She fully supported Sam's wild side and her need to climb up trees and pretend to be a knight. The only snag they had hit was when Sam had announced she wanted to cut her hair short. This was something C.C. just couldn't imagine, for her daughter's blonde curls were so very beautiful.

"There's one more little gift I have for you," C.C. whispered, holding her hands behind her back to get Sam's full attention.

"What is it?" the girl asked, her eyes wide.

"Well, you are just going to have to come and get it, don't you?" C.C. teased, making no attempt to let her daughter off the hook.

Surprises were wonderful as long as they lasted and thus C.C. was doing her best to build up the suspense.

"Come and get it or are you too chicken?"

Samantha stamped her foot and growled before she threw herself at C.C., attempting to push her to the floor. C.C. tried her best to fight back as gently as possible, but her daughter was quick and had soon snatched the envelope out of her hands.

"I'm not a coward," she stated, sticking out her tongue "and you have to make the chicken noises, otherwise you done it wrong. I bet you can't even cluck like a chicken."

C.C.'s thoughts immediately drifted to the incident many years ago, when Niles had played that prank on her and for the first time she had to chuckle.

"You have no idea, baby, your mother so happens to be the world's best chicken impersonator."

Sam looked at her as if she had grown two heads, before she focused her attention on the newly acquired envelope once more. Quickly and clumsily her fingers ripped it open and her mouth formed a pout when she saw what it was.

"A card?" she asked, disappointment drenching the words.

"Not just any card, this is a ticket to the opera, next year in January we're going to see "The Magic Flute"."

"Really?" Sam exclaimed.

"Really," C.C. promised, grinning at her.

"So I can see Papageno?"

"I promised you, didn't I?"

"Can we meet him? Do you think he'll like me?"

"I'm not sure, he might be busy, but he would certainly love you, Sam, who wouldn't?"

"I love you mummy," Sam said, snuggling against her mother.

"I love you too, sweety."

* * *

"You won't regret it, Niles." George told him for the fifth time that day as he was waving him out of the kitchen.

"Yes, well, I can't assure you that something will happen." Niles firmly stated, putting on his coat "And if it doesn't, you will owe me, understand?"

"Yes Yes, now get out of her!" George replied, winking at him.

Niles sighed and with one last look at the kitchen, turned around and left. He wasn't used to wandering the streets of New York City at five in the afternoon, but since it was the 2nd January and thus the date had approached, he had been forced to leave early, in order to get ready, not that George would have had it any other way. Manhattan during rush hour sure wasn't fun and so Niles was glad when he stepped out of the crowded subway at his stop in Soho. Ever since he had found out that C.C. was now back in the same city as he was, his already minimal interest in the date had further decreased. Reaching the front door he greeted the old lady who was on her usual spot, head stuck out of the window, observing the goings on in the street.

"You're back early today," she commented "I hope you aren't ill."

"Of course not, Mrs. Moskovitz," he replied with a smile "I'm just going to the opera tonight and have to get ready."

He conveniently left out the fact that this was going to be a date, for Mrs. Moskovitz was old but certainly not forgetful.

"I'm glad you're getting out a bit. A young man such as yourself shouldn't be working all day."

Though a polite answer concerning his age was forming in his mouth, he decided to nod silently and let it slip. Once inside the apartment he threw his keys on the nearby table and proceeded into the kitchen where he poured himself a glass of water. Despite all the reservations he had about the date, a little spark of excitement had mixed into it. He had pondered the entire day whether or not to actually go, but there was a nagging feeling now that told him not to sit at home. It was almost as if something was going to happen that night and he knew it. Setting the glass down on the counter he walked into the bathroom, getting undressed on the way. After a quick shower he dried his hair and went to pick out an outfit. It was the opera, so he certainly had to dress nicely, though he thought it unnecessary to wear a suit. So instead he decided to wear a pair of black pants and a white dress shirt, leaving the top couple of buttons undone. Content with the image he saw in the mirror, he added some cologne and combed his hair. He certainly looked presentable, the right combination of elegant and laid-back. Picking up his wallet that he had left on the living room table and checking that he had the tickets he put on a coat and was out of the door.

By now the rush hour traffic had died down a little and he even secured a seat, which was useful on the long ride from Soho to 59th street. He knew that he could get out directly by the Metropolitan Opera, but checking his watch, he instead decided to get out at Central Park and walk the rest of the way. The evening outside was cold but beautiful and snow was beginning to fall, flakes tangling in his dark-blonde hair. He was so lost in thoughts, wondering how C.C. and her daughter had spent Christmas, that he didn't even notice the blonde and her child, crossing the street in front of him.

He almost let out a reluctant sigh when the MET came into view, still torn between a date he didn't want to attend and the exciting rush that told him something important was bound to happen. As he drew closer he finally noticed a small, brunette woman who seemed to scan the crowd for a particular face.

"Excuse me, are you Julie?" he asked carefully.

"Yes, you must be Niles, how lovely to meet you." she replied with a smile and instantly hooked arms with him.

Together they walked inside and towards the cloak room. "Do you go to the opera often?" he asked, trying to make polite conversation.

"Sometimes, especially when the Wagner pieces are on, how about you?"

He cringed inwardly, not very keen on the man's music. "Oh, this is a fairly new experience to me. In previous years I couldn't afford a good seat." he informed her, deciding to be very frank, maybe even half-hoping that it would scare her off.

"So you haven't always been a caterer?" she asked and her brown eyes fixed him as they climbed up the magnificent stairs.

"No, for most of my life I was a butler." he said, and sadness filled his deep-blue eyes.

"Wasn't it hard? A man of higher intellect must surely feel embarrassed to be constantly serving others."

"It wasn't very enjoyable sometimes, but I was very lucky. I worked for my best friend. He and his late wife, as well as the woman he is now married to, were both very generous and loving. I was part of this family and there were certainly people I didn't mind serving."A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth as he thought about his years with the Sheffields and the many encounters with C.C.

Before they reached the second tier Niles knew that although Julie was very nice, he wasn't interested, but he bought them a glass of wine nonetheless and tried not to let her see. But still the conversation died down eventually, though he wasn't sure if it was because she had picked up on the one sidedness of the date, or because they simply didn't have much more in common that exceeded chitchat. Whatever the reason, Niles was glad when the lights were dimmed in the auditorium and the overture began. He leaned back in his seat, closing his eyes while trying to let the tension slip from his body. Halfway through the first act July excused herself, saying that she had never really cared for Mozart's music and that she had an early start the next morning. Under normal circumstances Niles would have been offended, but this time he was glad to be left on his own. The music he had loved as a little boy still thrilled him, yet despite the very good performance onstage, he found himself too nervous to pay attention. Instead he began to let his eyes wander, observing the audience and looking for familiar faces. Suddenly one particular woman caught his attention, for she looked very much like C.C. For a moment he directed his gaze somewhere else, feeling sick with nerves, but as his eyes found her face yet again he couldn't deny it any longer. There, in the crowd sat his wife, her features softer and her hair greyer, yet undeniably the person he had fallen in love with so many years ago.

Before his mind had formed a plan, his feet had already carried him out of the auditorium. As he climbed the stairs to the tier above he noted that he hadn't felt such rush and such youthfulness in a very long time. Quietly sneaking inside the darkened auditorium again, he found his way to the second row, careful not to disturb anyone, for the first act was just drawing to a close. Taking a seat directly behind her he simply stared at her for several seconds, marvelling at her beauty that had only grown with age. Finally, unable to wait any longer, he cleared his throat, hoping to get her attention.

"I've told you this before, Sir; my daughter is 4 years old; of course she is going to ask me questions from time to time. But she's not bothering anyone apart from your pompous self!" C.C. hissed, without turning around.

Despite himself and the nervousness he was feeling Niles chuckled softly and C.C. whose eyes were still glued to the stage found herself reacting. She would recognise this laugh anywhere, for she had caused it countless times and dreamed of hearing it even more so. But it couldn't be, he couldn't be here...

"That's not why I came to talk to you, Miss Babcock." Niles' rich baritone said and she could feel her heart beat faster as repressed emotions welled up, causing tears to sting in her eyes.

She had imagined what it would be like, if they ever met again, but in all of her fantasies she had been the strong one, successfully married with a wonderful job, while he was lonely and still nothing more than a lowly butler. However, now he had taken her by surprise and she felt quite incapable of facing him. Luckily for her, her daughter found a way to diffuse the situation. Sam, who was sitting on her lap, turned around, wrapping her arms around her mother's neck and glaring at Niles suspiciously.

"My mummy's called Brightmore, not Babcock." she declared proudly.

Ok, so maybe she hadn't exactly diffused the situation, but at least she had given C.C. enough time to collect herself.

"My apologies, young lady," Niles said formally, amusement shining in his deep-blue eyes "it was an honest mistake. And who are you, if I may ask?"

C.C. could practically feel her daughter's tension evaporate and a moment later she giggled. "You talk funny," she pointed out, but nonetheless took Niles' outstretched hand "I am Samantha Claire Brightmore and I've come all the way to see Papageno."

"_The _Papageno?" Niles asked, feigning shock "My, what a coincidence. It just so happens that I accompanied him on his last adventure."

"You are silly," Sam said, still giggling "Mummy says it's not real."

"But I can assure you it is," Niles insisted, his eyes twinkling with mischief "I used to travel the world with my grandfather, Emanuel Schikaneder. And one day we met Tamino and Papageno, determined to free their loves from the evil Queen of the Night. We followed them, certain that it would make a wonderful story and we observed everything."

"You saw the Queen of the Night?" Sam asked, eyes wide in astonishment "I don't like her, she's scary."

Niles smiled softly, his eyes suddenly sad and his tone much gentler. "The Queen of the Night was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. Everything from her golden blonde hair to her icy blue eyes enticed me. But there was more: behind the threatening fury lay a tender heart she longed to defend, as well as a fierce protection for the people she loved."

"You love her, don't you?" Sam whispered, completely stunned.

"Yes, I do, very much." Niles said emphatically.

A tear slipped from the corner of C.C.'s eye and made its way down her cheek. She ached for him so very much, longed to turn around and witness the love in his eyes she had found in his voice and yet she couldn't. Too much had happened between them and if she ever let him back into her life, he would only hurt her and what was worse, he'd hurt Samantha too.

"Mummy I have to go to the toilet." Sam whined at that precise moment, causing her to quickly wipe the tears away.

"Not now, sweety, there will be a huge queue, can't you wait?"

"No, I really have to." Sam cried and hopped from C.C.'s lap.

"I'll take her; there won't be so many people up here." Niles chimed in, getting to his feet as well.

And Sam, who had been suspicious of him mere minutes ago, happily took his hand and together they left the auditorium.

Niles guided her to the ladies' toilet and asked: "Are you ok on your own?"

"Of course, I'm old enough." Sam said firmly, fixing him with a haughty stare that rivalled her mother's.

After she was gone and his laughter had subsided he thought how perfect she was and how very much like C.C. He hadn't detected anything yet that reminded him of Colin, her real father, and it made the moment bittersweet. Maybe Fran had been right and he could've loved this child, had he only tried.

"What do you think you are doing?" an icy voice cut through the silence and unceremoniously drew Niles back to the present.

"She needed to go to the bathroom." Niles replied patiently, knowing very well that this wasn't what C.C. had meant.

She drew herself up to her full height, glaring at him angrily, but the arms that were wrapped around her body gave away how vulnerable she really was.

"Leave us alone!" she hissed coldly.

"I've been searching for you C.C. and it's a mere coincidence I have found you now, surely you don't expect me to leave." he tried.

"There is nothing I can expect from you anymore, you've lost my trust when you abandoned us. I despise you and I regret that you've ever entered my life, now go!"

"Yet you still have my name," he shot back and then added more quietly "and I'm afraid I can't let you go."

C.C. who was shaking with anger by now, didn't get to voice what she was about to say, for Sam emerged from the bathroom again.

"Are you ok, mummy?" she asked worriedly.

"It's my fault," Niles stepped in, kneeling down to be face to face with the girl "I have a real talent for making your mother angry."

"That's not good, when she's angry she gets real scary," Sam explained confidentially.

"I know," he replied, winking at her.

"Niles," C.C. warned and he realised that he wasn't being fair, for she would hardly fight back with Sam present.

"She's only mad coz she has to go to the Dawson's ball to get money." Sam continued, but Niles stopped her before C.C.'s anger would hit the wrong target.

"If you excuse me, I have to go now." he said and smiled when Sam began to pout.

"But mummy I want him to stay, why can't he come home with us?"

"Because he doesn't know where we live," C.C. replied curtly, desperately ignoring how close to tears her daughter was.

"No need to look so sad, Samantha, I am married to the Queen of the Night, after all, and I can assure you that miracles do happen." And he inclined his head, shaking her hand once more "Until we meet again."


	11. Chapter 11

**Hiya guys!:) So here is how much I love you (or maybe just how much I crave reviews) it's 1.30 in the morning and I've been up since 7am...plus spent approximately 8hours on a train today so I'm shattered...BUT I promised you regular updates. Here's their second encounter and I think it's become clear now that Sam is going to play a vital part in the development of their relationship. I'm probably forgetting a number of things I wanted to mention here...but I am so tired I just really wanna sleep now. Leave me a review please and brighten my day... God knows I need that right now...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, only an unhealthy obsession nobody seems to understand...  
**

**Chapter 11:**

When we two parted

In silence and tears,

Half broken-hearted,

To sever for years,

Pale grew thy cheek and cold,

Colder thy kiss;

Truly that hour foretold

Sorrow to this.

The dew of the morning

Sank chill on my brow

It felt like the warning

Of what I feel now.

Thy vows are all broken

And light is thy fame:

I hear thy name spoken,

And share in its shame.

They name thee before me,

A knell to mine ear;

A shudder comes o'er me

Why wert thou so dear?

They know not I knew thee,

Who knew thee too well:

Long, long shall I rue thee

Too deeply to tell.

In secret we met

In silence I grieve

That thy heart could forget,

Thy spirit deceive.

If I should meet thee

After long years.

How should I greet thee?

With silence and tears.

Lord Byron

C.C. had trouble falling asleep that night. She lay in her bed, staring up at the dark ceiling, not only shaken by the sudden reappearance of Niles in her life, but also because of the fight she and Sam had had afterwards. Her daughter had been furious with her for sending the funny man away and C.C. couldn't really begrudge her her anger, because she was unable to explain the reasons behind her behaviour. As angry as she was with Niles for barging into their lives like that and turning them upside down, she could hardly deny that he was still as handsome as ever. His blue eyes, that seemed dimmer somehow, had begun to sparkle again when he had talked to Sam and everything from his thick hair to the familiar scent of his cologne, beckoned for her to approach. And although she knew better than to get tangled in his web, the excitement of the recent events didn't allow her to sleep. And knowing Niles this was only the beginning, now that he had found them again, he wouldn't give up. And although C.C. wasn't trying to push that thought away, she did begin to wonder whether she wanted him to or not.

Just like C.C., Niles also hadn't gotten much sleep on that first night after their reunion. His longing didn't only manifest itself in the strong sexual urges only she evoked in him, but it also concerned her little daughter. Sam, a beautiful if also wild child, had instantly won him over, with as much ease as no other kid had managed to before her. And it hurt him to know that for all intents and purposes he could've been the father of such a wonderful girl. Driven by the anguish of his self-inflicted pain, he searched the entire night, until he finally got hold of their address. In typical Babcock fashion, C.C. had secured a house at the upper East Side, very close to Central Park and as such in walking distance of the Metropolitan opera. And though his determination to stay in touch with them remained strong, he couldn't bring himself to call them and shatter their peace once more. Inwardly the need to be a part of their life again was eating him up, yet he didn't want to behave like some sort of stalker. Too many years had passed and they were virtual strangers, so what good would come of a telephone call? But the endless possibilities of C.C. being only a phone call away didn't disappear and so very often he held the piece of paper in his hand, staring at it as if it would automatically connect him with his wife.

* * *

Then one morning as he was drinking his usual cup of tea while reading the New York Times, a particular article caught his attention. "Dawson's Ball for Charity" it read and Niles' face crinkled into a frown as he tried to remember where he had heard that name before.

_"The annual Ball at the Dawson's mansion is once again attracting philanthropists and producers alike. Though the Ball's motive is to collect money for the Alzheimer's Association, it is common knowledge that Broadway producers use this opportunity to approach Benjamin Dawson about a possible investment in one of their plays."_

"C.C.," Niles muttered as he suddenly remembered Sam's words.

C.C. was going to attend this party and she wasn't looking forward to it. George still owed him a favour and he would get into this party by any means possible. Hurriedly he set the mug down on the table, ripped out the newspaper article and stuffed it in his shirt pocket, before he shrugged on his coat and left his apartment in a rush. Sitting in the subway he pulled out the article once more and read over it. The party was supposed to take place the following week, but they would always be needing food. Maybe this way he stood a chance. Always the first one to arrive at work, Niles impatiently unlocked the door and began to set up. Every five minutes he glanced at his watch and then at the door, hoping to catch George before everyone else arrived.

"Good morning, Mr. Brightmore," a chipper voice greeted and instantly drew Niles' attention to himself.

"Oh Jack, hi," Niles replied, slightly disappointed. #

The young Irish man eyed him silently for a moment, before he too busied himself setting up his station. Just when Niles had put on his apron and decided he might as well get some ingredients prepared, George breezed through the door.

"Good morning everyone!" he greeted happily and Niles dropped the knife he had been holding.

"George, I need to talk to you right now, in private." he hurriedly explained and already dragged the unsuspecting man outside.

"You are not going to fire me, are you?" George asked and laughed nervously.

"Only if you don't keep your promise," Niles said seriously and noticed that he was possibly beginning to scare his friend.

"What's going on?"

"You still owe me for that date...I need to cater the Dawson's Ball, you have to help me."

George laughed heartily for a moment before narrowing his eyes at Niles, wondering what had got him in such a state.

"I assume you are aware that your behaviour is completely irrational?" he asked and Niles just sighed and shrugged impatiently "And normally there is nothing I could do for you, the ball is one week away and I'm certain they already have a caterer. But you're in luck, I happen to know Bella Dawson, Benjamin's daughter, I could give her a call."

Sending a quick "thank you" up to the heavens, Niles proceeded to pull his friend into an uncharacteristically strong hug.

"Will you tell me what this is all about?" George asked, nervously moving away.

"I promise I will, in time. Could you make that call now?" and before anything else could be said, he had already pushed his cell into George's hands.

* * *

"Mummy, I don't wanna go to a boring ball. Everyone there is so arrogant and stupid." Sam whined, stamping her foot.

C.C., who wasn't particularly looking forward to this evening either, was beginning to lose all her patience. "Samantha Claire Brightmore, will you stand still while I'm fixing your hair?"

"I don't want my stupid hair fixed; I want it short, just like uncle Noel's."

"Don't be ridiculous, Samantha," C.C. chided "you are not a boy. You get to wear pretty dressed and do up your hair."

"I hate this dress." Her daughter sulked, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

C.C. added the finishing touches to her daughter's hair, before she kneeled down in front of her. One part of her could understand how trapped Sam must be feeling, forced to attend an event she didn't like, but another part of her couldn't believe how she could hate her dress. The midnight blue brought out the colour of her eyes and provided a lovely contrast to her smooth white skin and blonde curls.

"Please Sammy, this night is important for my work, just behave, alright?" C.C. pleaded softly.

"It's always about your stupid work, I hate your work. You never have time for me anymore."

This statement was for C.C. like a slap in the face. Naturally she disliked it just as much as Sam did to leave her on her own so often, but she didn't see any other way, for she had to earn money. But if anyone could understand her daughter's hurt it was her, because nobody knew better what it felt like to be abandoned.

"I'm really sorry, sweety," she said quietly "I wouldn't force you to come with me against your will, but uncle Noel can't come and watch you, so I don't have a choice. I'll make it up to you, I promise."

Sam sighed deeply, the pout not completely disappearing but she timidly reached out to touch her mother's cheek. "You look pretty too, mummy."

C.C. smiled guiltily and pecked Sam on the forehead before looking at herself in the mirror. Her make-up was flawless, her hair perfect and her outfit beautiful- now all she had to do was pray that her performance would be just as good. During the taxi ride over they played the musical game. It was something she and Sam had invented, when she had got sick of "I spy".

"Chicago." Sam said, smiling at her proudly.

"Curtains." C.C. replied, grinning just as smugly.

"Cabaret," Sam whispered triumphantly, certain that her mother couldn't come up with another musical.

"Cage aux folles," C.C. retorted and Sam shook her head.

"That doesn't count, it's "La Cage" not just "Cage"."

C.C. let out her throaty laugh and wondered if any other five year old kid was capable of splitting hairs in such a fashion. Sam joined in the laughter and began to punch the air in victory, noticing that she had won. However, her laughter soon died when their taxi pulled up in front of a gorgeous mansion.

"We're here," Sam whispered, a bit of fear tainting her eyes as she stared out of the window.

"Come along then," C.C. sighed and Sam nearly growled in frustration when she noticed her mother's tone.

"You're different." she complained and C.C. who had been concentrating on keeping her act together, looked at her in surprise.

"What do you mean?"

"I dunno, you're not like you are at home... I don't like it."

Before C.C. could regret the loss of the previous warm feeling, they were surrounded by a number of couples.

"Miss Brightmore, we are so happy you could make it." An elderly gentleman said.

"Of course, I wouldn't miss it, Roger." C.C. said, a fake smiled plastered on her face as she allowed him to kiss her hand.

"And who is this little angel?" Annie, Roger's wife asked, trying to steal a peek at Sam who was cowering behind C.C.'s back.

"This is my daughter Samantha." she introduced, firmly extracting the child fingers from her clothes and pushing her towards the lady.

"Well, isn't she fabulous?" Annie continued, pinching Sam's cheek who in turn lifted her chin and stubbornly avoided everyone's eyes.

* * *

It normally wasn't part of his job description to dress up and deliver food to the party he was catering, but on this particular evening he was willing to make an exception. Smartly dressed in a tux and his hair neatly combed and parted to one side, he kept a vigilant eye, hoping to spy C.C. in the crowd. He had been at it for a number of hours and was almost losing hope, assuming that C.C. had pulled out the last minute, since she had never been excited to go, when he finally heard a rather familiar voice.

"Samantha, you are being very rude."

"What?" Sam challenged, glaring at her mother "You said that you didn't wanna go either, just telling the truth and now_ I'm_ being punished for it?"

Niles was taking quick strides through the crowd and stepped in just before C.C. had formed an answer. "How about I'll keep her entertained for a little while?" he asked.

The blonde almost immediately whirled around to face him and the same glare that was still resting on her daughter's face, swept across her own.

"It's you!" Sam voiced what she was thinking, though in a much cheerier tone.

"I told you we'd meet again, didn't I?" Niles said, beaming down at her.

"What are you doing here?" C.C. asked icily, obviously not caring about the possible scene she was creating.

"Working," he replied nonchalantly.

"Once a butler, always a butler, I guess." she pointed out, each word slicing through him like a knife.

"No, as a matter of fact I am catering this event."

"Oh, marvellous! Your food is exquisite." The older gentleman said who was standing next to them.

"Thank you, Sir." Niles said humbly, his eyes fixed on C.C. the entire time.

It took him a minute but he finally recognised that it was Benjamin Dawson and seeing the mood Sam was in, he knew that he'd have to act quickly.

"What do you say ,Samantha, wanna come with me for a little while?"

"Absolutely not," C.C. said firmly.

"But mummy I want to." Sam whined.

C.C. opened her mouth but then closed it again, hoping to conjure up a convincing argument out of thin air.

"I'm sure Mr. Dawson and you were just engaged in an important conversation, surely you'd like to continue with a bit more privacy."

"Certainly," Dawson agreed and C.C. threw her hands up in defeat.

"Alright, but I will come and find her afterwards and then we'll leave." she said, solely addressing Niles.

Fine by me, I won't kidnap her, I promise."

His easy lopsided grin angered her, even more so because her heart had begun to race.

"So Samantha, are you enjoying yourself tonight?" Niles asked formally, as they were leaving C.C. and Dawson behind and heading for the quiet confines of the kitchen.

"Nah, it's boring...they're all so stuffy. Mummy made me wear a dress too." And she emphasised her statement by pulling a disgusted face.

"You know what's worse than attending? Serving these people." Niles told her with a soft smile.

"I thought you didn't have that job... I thought you were a writer or something." Sam commented and Niles shrugged.

"Caterer by day, travelling writer by night."

"You are making fun of me , aren't you?" Sam asked, narrowing her eyes at him.

"Never, I like you too much for that."

She seemed to consider his statement for a moment before she nodded her head, chewing on her bottom lip.

"Can I tell you a secret?" she suddenly asked in a hushed voice and Niles smiled encouragingly.

She gestured for him to come closer and he complied, feeling giddy because of the child's trust and affection. "I want to be a knight." she whispered and he chuckled.

"I think that's a wonderful idea."

"I knew you'd understand!" she exclaimed, beaming at him "Mummy says I shouldn't cut my hair and I don't think she likes that I get myself dirty..."

"Can I tell _you _a secret now?" Niles asked and Sam nodded fiercely.

"I've known your mother for quite some time and I also knew her best friend. She told me that your mother was just like you when she was little, wild and adventurous and trust me, she still is, she's just hiding it very well."

"Really?" Sam asked, eyes wide.

"I swear. Don't ask her about it though or she'll deny it, but watch her, ask her to join you, eventually she's going to cave."

Sam gave him another radiant smile, happy with the ammunition he had given her.

"So now that we have a bit of space, why don't I teach you how to fight."

"Fight?"

"You said you wanted to be a knight. And I learned how to sword fight on one of my many travels."

"That's so cool!" Sam whispered astounded "But I left my sword at home."

"Not to worry, we'll use these for now." he explained and reached over the kitchen counter to grab two wooden spoons.

Sam looked doubtful for a moment but then Niles gently poked her and she accepted the challenge.

"Try to hit me if you can!" He teased, quickly moving away, circling her while holding the spoon in the air.

"Oh, I will." Sam promised, determination written all over her face.

Niles managed to keep his guard up quite well but when he noticed that Sam was getting more and more frustrated he finally lowered it and allowed her spoon to touch his chest.

"Owww!" he exclaimed loudly, dramatically falling the floor.

Sam cackled in triumph and moved to stand above him.

"What's going on here?" C.C. asked, entering the kitchen and considering the scene in front of her.

"Your daughter defeated me." Niles replied from his position on the floor.

"He taught me how to sword fight!" Sam explained proudly.

"Come here, Samantha." C.C. said firmly, holding out her hand and her daughter instantly followed "Be a good girl and wait outside for a moment."

"No, I wanna play with Niles." Sam said angrily.

C.C. sighed, trying to collect her patience, before she directed her gaze at Niles who was getting to his feet.

"You are encouraging behaviour that I do not and it's not your place." she said coldly and Niles lowered his eyes.

"She was bored, C.C., I just wanted to distract her while you finished that business deal."

"I told you before, you made your decision and now you are going to have to live with it. You chose not to be a part of this-"

"C.C.," Niles warned, looking at Sam.

"Do as your told, Samantha and wait outside." C.C. repeated and her daughter flinched at her coldness.

"You are horrible, you always tell me how bad your mother was, well...so are you." she exclaimed, fleeing the room.

C.C. was visibly affected by her outburst and Niles took a step forward when he saw tears forming at the corner of her eyes.

"Don't touch me," C.C. hissed, stepping away from him. The truth was if he held her now, she wouldn't be able to let go anymore. "We never argued like that before you entered our lives. I told you before, I don't want to see you again. You abandoned us, you can't fix this and I don't want you anywhere near Samantha. You made your decision, now live without us!"

"C.C.," Niles whispered quietly, his voice a tender caress "you missed me, haven't you?"

Her eyes flickered to rest on his face before she shook her head.

"I can see it, you're missing me right now." And he moved closer, touching his hand to her cheek. His deep-blue eyes were filled with love and he was pleading for her forgiveness. "What I did was wrong and I do apologise but your feelings aren't gone, neither are mine."

He could see how confused C.C. was, torn between her determination not to let him close and her equally strong need to be with him.

"No apology can erase what you've done, Niles." C.C. replied softly, trying to ignore how good his touch felt "And you've lost my trust."

Her hate he could stand, her disappointment and pain, however, were too much for him to bear and instantly he took a step back.

"Goodbye, Niles." she said and left him alone in the kitchen even though her body was aching with the physical and emotional effort.


	12. Chapter 12

**Ok, where to begin?lol First of all: I very much appreciate your reviews, each and every one of them brought a smile to my face. But I am especially happy that NilesLover101 is now reading this, seeing as she gave me the idea in the first place!;) I hope this won't disappoint you. What else? Of course I forgot to mention last time that the "La Cage" reference was dedicated to Daniel Davis. Now this chapter...I even added a little "Dummy Twins" continuation for ya ;) and um the song "Take it with me" is by Tom Waits and I'd recommend you listen to it! Just type in Megan Mullally Take it with me, that's the version I listen to in anyway, it's very, very beautiful and trust me, it'll influence your emotions even more ;) ( dear God, now I'm plugging my dissertation -_-) And just on a side note...I now have a tumblr account...if any of you are bored and wanna read my daily ramblings go to rosechester dot tumblr dot com ;) lol (But yeah, be warned, it's not particularly exciting stuff ^^)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the poem, I don't own the song, I don't own the characters, only the storyline is mine.  
**

**Chapter 12:**

Forget not yet the tried intent  
Of such a truth as I have meant  
My great travail so gladly spent  
Forget not yet.

Forget not yet when first began  
The weary life ye knew, since whan  
The suit, the service, none tell can,  
Forget not yet.

Forget not yet the great assays,  
The cruel wrongs, the scornful ways,  
The painful patience in denays  
Forget not yet.

Forget not yet, forget not this,  
How long ago hath been, and is,  
The mind that never means amiss;  
Forget not yet.

Forget not yet thine own approved,  
The which so long hath thee so loved,  
Whose steadfast faith yet never moved,  
Forget not this.

Thomas Wyatt

All the lights in his apartment were switched off as he intently stared at the darkening night sky. Niles' thoughts, however, were still busy processing the recent events. For the first time he had properly realised just how much he had hurt C.C. It wasn't that he had thought she'd shrug it off, but he hadn't expected this either. The softness of her tone when she had told him that he'd lost her trust was what had affected him the most. At that precise moment he knew he could've easily won her back. All he had needed to do was to embrace her, hold her until she would stop struggling against him and until he was certain her resistance had been broken. But although Niles was human and had made many mistakes in his time, he was sure not to do this too. It would have been too easy and the last thing he wanted was to break her, for he knew that she would have lost all of her spirit, had he bound her like that. Maybe they would have been a couple again and the situation regarding Sam could have changed for the better, but the one thing that wouldn't have been restored was her trust. And that was precisely why Niles had stepped back and allowed her to leave. He didn't want a mindless dummy that only stayed with him because of her physical needs and despite her better judgment, he wanted the untameable C.C. who had sometimes allowed him to see her soft side. He had pushed her once before, and he certainly wasn't about to make the same mistake again...

_It was the night after their big argument on the stairs, after Niles had uttered all these harsh words. He was now sitting in the dark office on the seat C.C. usually occupied. He had come here because he'd be leaving the Sheffields in the morning, his relationship with C.C. was beyond repair and he had taken a piece of his own advice and was now determined to move on. Nonetheless, a part of him continued to linger in the past, which was understandable, seeing as the Sheffield residence was the place he had called home for most of his life. He heard footsteps approaching and instinctively shrunk more into the shadows. A figure quietly swept inside the room, rounding the desk without hesitation and placing an envelope on it. Finally the figure lifted its head and blue eyes sparkled in the dark. Her mouth formed a silent "Oh!" when she spotted him on the love-seat, yet neither of them moved. _

_"What are you doing here?" Niles asked, the first to find his voice. _

_"I'm handing in my resignation." she replied just as calmly, slowly moving around the table to lean against it, facing him. _

_Through the closeness he saw that her eyes betrayed the real state she was in. Just as the clouds drew across the sky, indicating a storm, C.C.'s eyes showed a torrent of emotions. _

_"Why would you leave?" he inquired, still not moving. _

_The question seemed to make her uneasy, for she didn't hold his gaze any longer but swiftly focused on a spot above his head. _

_"They are your family," she began, before shaking her head and moving towards the door. _

_"Am I dreaming or are you actually committing a compassionate act?" he teased tenderly, rising to his feet to follow her. _

_C.C. looked as if she was about to retort but then seemed to remember what she had been doing there in the first place and increased the pace. _

_"I don't want you to leave, C.C." Niles quietly said and he caught her so off guard that she faltered and she turned around she didn't speak, but her eyes beckoned him to explain. "If you left, it'd be in vain, because I'd still be quitting. Don't you see? I couldn't live in a house that holds so many memories of the woman that I love." _

_She lowered her eyes to stop him from seeing the tears that were starting to form and her heart started to race when she felt him move towards her. As his hands came in contact with her skin, she sighed and closed her eyes, unable to prevent the single tear from falling. At that moment Niles understood why she didn't let anyone see her vulnerable side. For one, she looked even more beautiful but more than that because it made him feel so helpless. He carefully, gently lowered his lips to hers, trying to erase all the pain he seemed to have caused. Her response was hesitant and slow but it lulled his senses nonetheless. Finally she seemed to have regained her composure enough to push him away. _

_"Don't," she firmly said and that single word hurt him more than all the insults she'd flung his way "you can't just do this to me after all these years. You call me ugly and God knows all cruel names under the sun and now you confess your love?" _

_He could read it in her eyes, how she doubted his honesty, how she expected it to be another prank. _

_"I'm telling the truth, C.C., I love you." _

_She closed her eyes again, this time wincing in pain, before she took a step back. _

_"Don't do this to me," she repeated, but her voice grew in volume and agitation "you are nothing but a decrepit, old butler and I'd rather spent my days alone, as you predicted, than with you." _

_But even as she took another step back to distance herself further from him, he had already read the fear in her eyes. He knew that C.C. was beautiful enough to easily find a potential husband, yet the trouble was that she never trusted anyone. Determination shot through him, the knowledge that he had to show her right now that he could be that man, that he'd be reliable. His hand wrapped around her wrist as he pulled her to face him, before he pushed her against the door and kissed her once more. This time it wasn't soft and gentle, but rather filled with all his passion and his desire for her. Somehow she had to understand that this was it, that he'd fall apart without her, same as she would do without him. _

_"I can't possibly love you," she whispered against his lips, denying the truth she had known all along. _

_Her hushed words soon turned into moans as she wrapped her arms around his neck to pull him closer, drawing from the strength he was offering her and finally ready to be his. _

Maybe all of this had happened because of the weak emotional state they'd been in, that had forced them to lower their guards, or maybe it had been because she really did love him. Nonetheless, plagued by these uncertainties Niles often wondered if it had been a mere fantasy after all.

* * *

"Samantha, will you talk to me?" C.C. asked.

Their cab ride home had been spent in uncomfortable silence and she wasn't able anymore to handle her daughter's anger. When the elevator doors opened, Sam finally looked at her and frowned.

"I just don't get it." she said and C.C. sighed. "He's nice, so why do you always turn into such a witch when he's around?"

C.C. half laughed at the irony provoked by her daughter's wording, but then her motherly instincts kicked in and she sternly said: "Watch your tone, Samantha."

The little girl merely shook her head and miserably trudged onwards until she came to a halt in front of their apartment door.

"I simply don't want him around you, alright?" C.C. muttered impatiently, unlocking the door.

"But that doesn't make sense, mummy. He's funny and he's friendly and he told me he's known you a long time. So why does he talk so nicely about you and you hate him so much?"

"I have my reasons, like it or not, you're just going to have to accept that." C.C. said firmly and moved behind the kitchen counter to put on the kettle.

"See, this is what I mean! You always tell me everything, why are you being so strange now?"

The annoyance in her daughter's eyes was becoming more pronounced and C.C. could tell that it was only a matter of minutes before she'd fly off the handle. She marvelled at her daughter's obliviousness and wondered if maybe she had repressed her vulnerability for far too long when she was incapable of confiding in her.

"Sweety," she sighed deeply, walking towards Sam and kneeling down in front of her "I'm afraid I can't tell you, it's between me and Niles. But I am doing this because I love you and because you are what's most precious to me in this world."

Sam looked at her mother wide-eyed, for this was definitely a new side she hadn't seen yet. "Don't cry, mummy." she whispered, hugging her carefully as if her touch was enough to break her "I love you too."

When she finally released her, C.C. gave her a watery smile and tenderly cupped her face.

"Now off to bed with you, I'll be there to tug you in in a minute."

C.C. suppressed a yawn and returned to the kitchen where she filled the boiled water in a mug and added a teabag, before she began to warm some milk for Sam. As if on cue Sam's voice could be heard from her room, shouting: "Don't forget my cocoa!" C.C. smiled, turning on the radio while taking thoughtful sips from her tea. After a while she set the mug down on the counter and continued to stir the milk, when a particular message caught her attention.

"We've got a peculiar song request here right now: To Chastity and her Butler Boy, remember!"

She nearly dropped the spoon, as this particular request was undeniably supposed for her and Niles. A sad piano tune filled the air, before a female voice sang:

_Phone's off the hook_

_No-one knows where we are_

_It's a long time since I drank champagne_

_The ocean's blue, as blue as your eyes_

_I'm gonna take it with me when I go_

Even though the lyrics didn't mean Niles, C.C. could nonetheless picture him, every nuance of his face had been burnt into her memory and she knew that she was never going to forget it.

_Old long since gone now_

_Way back when we lived on Coney Island_

_Ain't no good thing ever dies_

_I'm gonna take it with me when I go_

Niles, who also had turned out the radio for some comfort, was listening intently, wondering if C.C. across town was thinking about him too.

_Far, far away a train whistle blows_

_Wherever you're going, wherever you've been_

_Waving goodbye at the end of the day_

_You're up and you're over and you're far away_

And as much as she wanted to give in to her feeling, she just couldn't forget what it had been like to find he had deserted her, without a note, simply gone from one day to the next.

_Always for you, forever yours_

_It felt just like the old days_

_I've worn the faces of all the cards_

_I'm gonna take it with me when I go_

She had looked as beautiful as ever, and though certainly softened, she still held the fire he so admired. Relief flooded through him, knowing that he hadn't destroyed her completely.

_Children will play at the end of the day_

_Strangers are singing on our lawn_

_It's got to be more than flesh and bone_

_All that you've loved is all you own_

The stove had long since been turned off and C.C. was leaning over the counter, countless tears silently slipping down her cheek. How could he have abandoned them and now win Sam over with such ease? She wept for the possible future they might have had, for the love he certainly could've found for her daughter and for all the pain that could've been spared.

_In a land there's a town_

_And in that town there's a house_

_And in that house there's a woman_

_And in that woman there's a heart that I love_

_I'm gonna take it with me when I go_

_I'm gonna take it with me when I go_

He swallowed back the tears that had started to pool in his eyes, as the truthfulness of the words had sunk in. No matter where he was, no matter how far away, he had always loved her and was likely going to do for the rest of his life. Resting his head against the cool glass of the window he tried to pull himself together. After a moment he had calmed down enough to realise if C.C. should've heard the message and the song, she was very likely to be mad at him. But the point was that he hadn't, because it was simply too risky, God knows who could've listened to it and understood the meaning, besides, he was very aware that C.C. wasn't one for big, romantic gestures. There was, however, one person who saw meddling as her favourite hobby and who would've undoubtedly considered this a very good idea. He grabbed the telephone and dialled the number, impatiently waiting for her to pick up.

"Fran Sheffield?" the familiar nasal voice answered.

"You are the biggest Yenta I know!" he exclaimed, inwardly raging.

"Nyules? What are ya talking about?"

"The song on the radio, I just heard it and C.C. might have too, what were you thinking?"

"Whoa, you're losing me." Fran said and he had lived with her long enough to know that she was being honest.

"There was a song on the radio and it was for "Chastity and her Butler Boy". Are you certain you don't know anything about that?"

"That's a really nice idea, ya know? Why do men neva come up with these romantic ideas?"

"Fran, C.C. is not in the mood for these things. She might think I'm the biggest fool in this world... or worse, think I was mocking her. Don't you see how difficult this could make everything?"

"So I'm guessing ya seen her and things aren't great?" Fran asked and Niles sighed.

"No, not exactly. But that's beside the point, did you or did you not call the radio station?"

"Niles, I swear ta you, I didn't."

He breathed deeply in and out and was surprised to hear Gracie's quiet voice in the background.

"Hang on a minute, sweety, I'm just talking to Niles." Fran whispered and when Grace replied "I know, that's why I need to talk to him." a sneaking suspicion occurred to him.

"Niles?" Gracie timidly asked.

"Yes, Miss Grace?" he replied formally.

"I have to tell you something, it was me who called the radio station and requested the song. I thought only the two of you would recognise it, that's why I used Miss Babcock's first name and your nickname."

"You really spend too much time around Fran." Niles chided gently, shaking his head but smiling nonetheless.

"I'm so sorry if it made things more difficult for you and Miss Babcock but she's got all these repressed emotions and you're well, struggling to make things right again... so I thought a little music sometimes does wonders."

"I appreciate the thought, Miss Grace. Let's just hope C.C. didn't hear the song, otherwise all hell will break loose."

"But you love her, don't you?" Gracie asked.

"Yes, very much," Niles admitted quietly.

"Then hell is only a small price you have to pay."

* * *

After she had collected herself again, C.C. had finished her daughter's cocoa and had walked into her room only to find that the little girl was already fast asleep. A soft smile stole over C.C.'s face as she set the mug down on the table and climbed into bed next to Sam. Comforted by her daughter's close proximity and warmth she soon drifted off to sleep and didn't hear the telephone ring, nor the message that was left on her answering machine.

"C.C., this is me, Niles. All I wanted to say is should you or Samantha ever require any help, please don't hesitate to call, my number is: 212 603-1456."


	13. Chapter 13

**Hello, Hello! I am SO tired right now, you have no idea. Another busy week draws to a close and I'm exhausted once again. I think, or I certainly hope, that you will enjoy this chapter, seeing as there's finally some comfort/fluff going on!;) I'm not sure if I'll be able to write anything tomorrow, as I'm going to a friend's house warming party. So the next update will either be Monday or Tuesday!;) I also noticed today that in the "If you're looking for the hot water bottle.."scene, C.C. actually calls Brighton Brighton...I mean not like "the boy" but actually "Brighton". Is that the only time in the series?lol (apart from when she makes a conscious effort to learn their names)Anyways, I'm tired so I'll bugger off to bed now. Leave me a review please and make me very, very happy!;) Also any thoughts, ideas, requests are always appreciated... you see to what they can lead!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters...sadly...  
**

**Chapter 13:**

Woman much missed, how you call to me, call to me,

Saying that now you are not as you were

When you had changed from the one who was all to me,

But as at first, when our day was fair.

Can it be you that I hear? Let me view you, then,

Standing as when I drew near to the town

Where you would wait for me: yes, as I knew you then,

Even to the original air-blue gown!

Or is it only the breeze in its listlessness

Travelling across the wet mead to me here,

You being ever dissolved to wan wistlessness,

Heard no more again far or near?

Thus I; faltering forward,

Leaves around me falling,

Wind oozing thin through the thorn from norward,

And the woman calling.

Thomas Hardy

It was unfortunate that C.C. heard the message on the answering machine when Samantha was within earshot, for immediately after the discussion started anew. Why was she being so cruel to Niles when he seemed so nice? Why couldn't they call him right now? All of this only strengthened C.C.'s resolve not to ask for his help any time soon and yet she couldn't bring herself to delete his message. It wasn't that she would spent endless hours listening to it over and over again, but it was nonetheless a gentle reminder that he was only a phone call away, that he could be a part of her life again, if she would only let him. Sooner than she liked, however, would this be the case.

* * *

It all began on a warm day in July, when the heat culminated to a thunderstorm that swept over New York City. C.C. lay in bed listening to the rain that was strumming against her window. Under normal circumstances she would've appreciated the combination of sun and rain more, had it not been for a throbbing headache that had awoken her at the crack of dawn. As the hours had progressed, so had her cold and her throat was now aching as well as her entire body. Her daughter's fists pounding against the door caused her to groan in pain and impatience. Carefully she climbed out of bed and wrapped a robe around herself.

"It's time for breakfast!" Sam exclaimed, happy as ever.

"Sweety, can you keep it down a little, mummy's got a headache." C.C. quietly said and her daughter's expression instantly changed to a worried one.

"Are you ok?"

"I'm not too well, but don't worry, darling, I'll push through it."

But her voice sounded raspy and she didn't know if she had the energy to keep that promise. Samantha saw the weakened state her mother was in and tried to help her prepare breakfast, but as she was carrying their bowls of cereal to the table, one slipped out of her hands and shattered on the floor.

"Samantha, I told you to carry one at a time." C.C. barked angrily and harshly added "Don't cry, it's your own fault. Now stand back before you cut yourself."

Making sure that Sam had retreated to a corner where she whimpered quietly, C.C. knelt down and began to pick up the pieces. When she finally thought she had collected them all she rose again and headed for the kitchen only to stop dead in her tracks, when a stabbing pain shot through her.

"Shit!" she cursed, not bothered if Sam had heard it.

Somehow she must have overlooked a rather large piece of porcelain, which had now sliced open her little toe. It was bleeding so strongly that the trail of droplets could be followed into the bathroom where she tried to stop it. After that the day was even more ruined. Sam was sulking, afraid of her, and she was feeling miserable and completely unable to look after her and on top of that Noel was out of town. However, her pride didn't allow her to call Niles, though her rational mind was telling her to.

* * *

Niles was just grocery shopping for a big event his company was supposed to cater. Balancing the basket in one hand and a number of items in the other he sighed when his phone rang. He crouched down and carefully placed them on the floor, before flipping his phone open and answering.

"Is this Niles?" a timid voice asked.

"Yes, who are you?"

"It's me, Sam."

He chuckled softly before asking: "Does your mother know you're calling me?"

"No, she doesn't even know I memorised your number. But this is an emergency."

The words made Niles' heart stop for a moment. "Is C.C. alright?" he quickly asked.

"No, she's ill. The flu or something and she's mad at me but I'm hungry and I can't cook and she's in bed. I need your help."

Although he had been waiting for a similar phone call for weeks, he didn't know how C.C. would react if he suddenly showed up on her doorstep.

"Shouldn't we tell your mother?" he inquired and Sam sighed impatiently.

"No, she won't let you come and I will starve."

"Ok, I'm on my way."

"Wait, you need our address!"

"You aren't the only one who can memorise things." he replied softly before hanging up.

On his way to the next subway station he called George and informed him that there had been an emergency and that somebody else would have to buy the ingredients. God knows it wasn't a good time, but Sam had sounded desperate and he didn't like the thought either of a sick C.C. with no-one to look after her. It took him nearly 20 minutes to get there and when he rang the doorbell he was out of breath and panting as if he'd just run a marathon.

"Finally!" Sam greeted him, hands on her hips and he suppressed a grin.

As he took off his coat and hung it up, he took a moment to admire the apartment. It was certainly smaller than C.C.'s old penthouse, but it was also more alive. It was slightly messy and Sam's toys were scattered all across the floor, yet he liked it very much.

"Better pay the patient a visit." he mumbled and followed Sam into C.C.'s bedroom.

"Mummy, look we have a visitor!" Sam happily exclaimed as Niles hesitantly entered the room behind her.

"Oh God no..." C.C. groaned, rolling her eyes "I thought I told you not to come... "

"Well, you know me, I was never one to accept a "no" from you." he replied softly.

"How do you even know where we live? Are you following us?"

"C.C.," he pleaded gently.

Niles had known all along that it wasn't a good idea to come, especially because C.C. was in a weakened state and thus even more likely to get defensive.

"I called him!" Sam said angrily "Now you can yell at me but I don't care. We needed help and he promised he'd be there."

"Sam, would you go and fetch a washcloth for me, please? Oh and a bowl filled with cool water."

"We already had shattered porcelain today." C.C. said firmly and Sam drew herself up to her full height, ready to fight.

"Fetch it nonetheless but your mother is right, be very careful please, Samantha."

She huffed impatiently and then disappeared, leaving C.C. and Niles alone together.

"I'm sure you're loving this," she commented bitterly "I'm too ill to take care of Sam and you're the knight in shining armour."

"Now Chastity stop, you know this isn't true. She called me, I can't change that, and while I'm happy to look after her, I was also worried about you."

"Please," she scoffed, but instantly her hand flew to her head and she winced in pain.

"Where are your aspirin tablets?" Niles asked.

"Bathroom, cupboard above the sink, top drawer."

He nodded and when he returned he held a small capsule in his hand as well as a glass of water. He gave it to her and while she was busy taking the medicine Sam came back and carefully set down the bowl on C.C.'s nightstand.

"Good girl," Niles praised, gently squeezing her shoulders "now go grab your coat, we're going to buy some groceries and we'll stop at the pharmacy so that mummy will be better soon."

Sam nodded eagerly and quickly raced out of the room.

"I don't know how you do it..." C.C. mumbled, staring at her blanket.

"It's nothing, C.C. I'm not the one who makes the rules; I get to be the funny guy. You're doing the really hard job, you're raising her."

"Yes, well, you didn't exactly leave me a choice, did you?" C.C. barked and Niles sighed.

"No, I didn't." he quietly admitted and sat down on the bed, dunking the cloth into water.

He tenderly wiped her forehead with it, before resting one hand against her cheek. "You don't look well," he commented, worry evident in his deep-blue eyes.

"Well, neither do you." she shot back.

"I meant because you're ill," he amended.

"I meant generally." she retorted and frowned when he began to chuckle.

"I'll get you something against the fever, you're far too hot."

"Haven't heard you complain about that before." C.C. said and her eyes went wide when she realised what exactly she'd just done. Bantering seemed to be innate for them and she seemed to have underestimated just how easy it was to slip back into their old roles.

"Niles, I'm ready!" Sam announced from the door and he sighed, dunking the cloth into water once more and leaving it on C.C.'s forehead.

"The natural hotness I can live with," he said in a low voice that made the hairs on C.C.'s neck stand on end "but the fever hotness has me concerned."

And with that he gracefully rose to his feet and left her to her own thoughts.

"What are we gonna buy?" Sam asked, placing the front door key into Niles' hands.

"Some vitamins, some soup, some medicine," he listed and Sam pouted.

"No chocolate?"

"Well, maybe. But you're going to have to share it with your mother once she feels better, promise?"

"Alright," Sam muttered.

As he and Sam strolled to the supermarket he realised for the first time, how long a shopping trip could last when in the company of a 5 year old. He couldn't believe the number of items Sam pointed at that she claimed she'd always wanted to try. Finally he had to be hard and told her that she could only pick one thing she really wanted. It was difficult to do, because Sam was so sweet and innocent he would've loved to spoil her rotten. Yet he knew that she had to learn that she wouldn't get everything she wanted, though it appeared C.C. had done a very good job establishing that.

"So Niles, how did you and mummy meet?" Sam finally asked, clutching her lemon cakes proudly to her chest.

He hesitated to answer that particular question for a moment, because there just seemed no right way to handle it. He certainly couldn't tell her the truth without C.C.'s permission, yet he didn't want to lie to her either.

"Your mother was working with my employer," he began and Sam at once eagerly interrupted: "Uncle Max?"

"Yes, that's him." Niles confirmed, nodding.

"He's nice...I miss him." Sam replied sadly.

"He was my best friend, we went to University together."

"So did you also produce shows?" Sam inquired further.

"No, I was Maxwell's butler."

"A butler?" the girl asked pulling a face "You said you are a travelling writer and caterer."

"Yes, but before that I was a butler, it's not a bad profession, you know?"

"Yes, yes I know." Sam sighed impatiently, avoiding his eyes "Geez, you're nearly as bad as mummy."

"What do you mean?" Niles asked surprised.

"We had this discussion before and she gave me a real lecture about how servants aren't beneath us, they work very hard to earn their money, blah blah blah."

She stopped, when she realised that Niles had come to a standstill. His mouth was slightly agape and his eyes were wide. But after a moment he seemed to remember where he was and shook his head.

"Let's go to the pharmacy then."

He made Sam wait on a chair by the entrance, while he went to the counter to order several tablets. He absent-mindedly watched as the clerk went to get them, still amazed by C.C.'s attitude change, especially given the circumstances.

"Here you are, that's $56.78."

Niles nodded and extracted a number of bills from his wallet.

"You're daughter is so adorable by the way." The old man said, smiling at him.

Niles couldn't help but grin as he answered: "I know, she's quite something, isn't she?"

On the way back to the apartment, Sam suddenly took his hand and when he looked at her in surprise she simply gave him her disarming smile.

"Will you stay and play with me tonight? I've build a Playmobil castle I want you to see."

"If that's what you want, of course I will." he replied.

"Promise?" she eagerly asked, her light blue eyes shining with excitement.

"Promise," he said, squeezing her small hand.

She continued to chatter happily until, on the elevator ride up, Niles' shopping bag broke and the contents scattered across the floor. She immediately retreated to one corner of the lift and looked scared.

"What's the matter? It's alright." he tried to calm her.

"I broke a glass bowl today...and mummy was mad and then she got hurt." Sam whispered, tears pooling in her eyes.

"Look, there's no broken glass here, besides I'm sure it was only an accident and your mother was more worried that you might cut yourself." he explained and when Sam still didn't look convinced, he picked up three apples and began to juggle.

"You're so cool!" the girl breathed, slowly emerging from her hiding place "Is there anything you can't do?"

"You will just have to find out." he teased, winking at her and she kneeled down beside him and scooped more fruit up in her arms.

As they entered the apartment, however, they could hear C.C. curse from the bedroom and moaning in pain.

"You stay here, get that playmobil castle and I'll check on mummy." he instructed, dropping their groceries on the kitchen counter, before he proceeded into the bedroom with the medicine.

He found her sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at a spot on the carpet that had been drenched with blood.

"Oh my God, are you alright?" he asked, immediately approaching her.

"Yes, it's just my damn toe, I cut it this morning." she muttered, biting her lip.

"Doesn't look good, go and lie back down." he ordered, while walking into the bathroom where he retrieved a first aid kid as well as a fresh bowl of water. Back in her room he set it all down on the bed and pulled up a chair. "Show me your foot please." he asked.

"Why on earth would I do that?" she snapped.

"Because I am going to clean it and put a plaster on it before it gets infected." he patiently explained and she rolled her eyes, but nonetheless did as he had asked.

Niles carefully rested her foot on his knee while his hands gingerly rolled up her pyjama bottoms.

"It's my toe, Niles, not my thighs." she scolded and he innocently replied: "I'm sure that's some posh silky fabric you don't want to get ruined."

Nonetheless, after the material had been hiked up to his satisfaction, his hands tenderly ran down her calf before they stopped at her ankle.

"Looks like a nasty cut to me." he mumbled to himself, dunking the cloth into water and beginning to clean her toe.

While he sprayed something onto her toe that would prevent wound infection, the thumb of his right hand soothingly brushed over her skin. It had been a long time since she had been intimately touched and the fact that it was Niles who was doing it wasn't exactly helping. She tried very hard not to let her feelings get the better of her, but Niles had always excelled in pleasing her with his hands. Finally when she couldn't take it any longer, she closed her eyes and moaned, glad that she could pass it off as pain instead of pleasure.

"I'm sorry," he apologised, extracting a bandage from the first aid kid and carefully began to wrap it around her foot.

"Do you think that's really necessary?" she asked and he shrugged.

"As I know you you'll be wearing shoes soon and walking about, the bandage will stop the wound from opening up every five minutes."

"Thank you, Niles." she softly said, taking him completely by surprise with her tone.

"Glad I could help, C.C." he replied just as seriously and for the first time she gave him an honest smile.

"NILES!" Sam chose that moment to scream "My castle's all set up, you promised you'd come and play."

"Off I go," he said with a smile and in one swift movement pulled the silky fabric of her pyjamas back down.

As Niles went to play with Sam, C.C. lay in bed taking deep, steady breaths while listening to their voices coming from the living room. She almost had to pinch herself to make sure this wasn't a dream. It seemed too perfect somehow: Niles back in her life, happily playing with Sam. After all, it was everything she had ever hoped for. She closed her eyes with a content smile, as a single tear escaped and made its way down her cheek. Maybe...

When her eyes fluttered open again, she felt her daughter by her side, fast asleep and when she had got used to the dark she also noticed Niles hovering by the door.

"I didn't want to wake you." he quietly explained and she smiled.

"You look rough," she commented, noting his tousled hair and crinkled clothes.

"Samantha has a lot of energy," he said chuckling softly "She's very much like her mother, in looks and in character. Beautiful, untameable... you have done a marvellous job raising her, C.C. I know I don't get a say in this because of my actions... but Sam's amazing and happy and it's all your doing."

"I know," she confidently agreed, before adding more hesitantly "it means a lot to hear you say that though."

"C.C., I want to thank you," Niles changed the topic "Sam told me about your "butler lecture" today...the way you've been brought up and after what I've done...I...I would've understood had you told her something else."

She suddenly felt a lump in her throat and turned her head away from him. "I learned to look past your station in life and I didn't want her to make the same mistakes."

There was more though...Sometimes after he had left him she had wondered if maybe they would've got together earlier, hadn't she been such a snob and then Sam would've been his child.

"I'm going to head home now, you need to get some rest. Please, call me if you need anything."

"I will." she promised and watched as he broke into a smile.

"Good night, Chas."

"Good night, Niles."


	14. Chapter 14

**Hello, Hello!:) Story update and this is a seriously long chapter: 5 1/2 A4 pages, so you better review!lol No seriously, I'd appreciate a couple of reviews coz it took me a looong time to write it...many hours at least...and I still finished in my regular 3 days!;) Right, there is an "M" scene in there also, just thought I'd warn ya. And um... the description of C.C.'s earrings are well.. they are mine. I bought them in Stockholm and they reminded me of C.C. lol and the story Niles tells Sam...I got the inspiration for that last Monday in my Intercultural Drama lecture!:) (it's an old Japanese tale)I dreamed about Lauren Lane last night, so I was in a good mood all day long... which makes me sound so sad...lol And I also discovered the screencap function on my laptop, so I've been going Niles/CC screencap crazy... I still need to upload them somewhere though...mmh...Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter and I very much hope you'll review!:)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything!  
**

**Chapter 14:**

Remember him, whom Passion's power  
Severely-deeply-vainly proved:  
Remember thou that dangerous hour,  
When neither fell, though both were loved.

That yielding breast, that melting eye,  
Too much invited to be blessed:  
That gentle prayer, that pleading sigh,  
The wilder wish reproved, repressed.

Oh! let me feel that all I lost  
But saved thee all that Conscience fears;  
And blush for every pang it cost  
To spare the vain remorse of years.

Yet think of this when many a tongue,  
Whose busy accents whisper blame,  
Would do the heart that loved thee wrong,  
And brand a nearly blighted name.

Think that, whate'er to others, thou  
Hast seen each selfish thought subdued:  
I bless thy purer soul even now,  
Even now, in midnight solitude.

Oh, God! that we had met in time,  
Our hearts as fond, thy hand more free;  
When thou hadst loved without a crime,  
And I been less unworthy thee!

Excerpt from Lord Byron

C.C.'s cold had disappeared after a couple of days; however, her thoughts concerning Niles were refusing to do the same. She was sitting on a bench in Central Park and watched her daughter who was happily running around, kicking a football as she went. Of course she hadn't forgiven Niles entirely for abandoning them and she had doubts if she would ever be able to, yet she couldn't deny either how nice it had felt to have him around again. Maybe, if she took small steps... and Sam certainly seemed more than happy to welcome him into their family.

"Samantha, come here for a minute!" C.C. called, acting on a whim.

Her daughter picked up the ball and approached.

"You know that I got to work late again tonight, right?" C.C. asked as Sam climbed up on the bench to sit beside her.

"Yes," she answered miserably and C.C. wrapped her left arm around her shoulders.

"How would you like it if Niles came and looked after you while I'm gone?"

The effect was instantaneous, Sam whirled around, beaming at her and her light blue eyes were alive with hope. "Really?"

"If you like, we could call him now and ask if he's available?" C.C. offered, who had begun to grin herself.

"Yes, yes, yes!" Sam exclaimed, bouncing up and down on the bench.

C.C. nodded and extracted her cell phone from her purse and typed in the number Sam happily provided.

When his phone rang he nearly growled in annoyance, for the kitchen was buzzing with life and pressure. It was just past noon and part of the staff was gone to cater one event while Niles and the rest of the crew were preparing dishes for a Bat Mitzvah this afternoon.

"Niles Brightmore?" he barked and tried to make out who it was over the noise of the kitchen and the noise at the other end of the line.

"Niles, Niles, Niles!" a little girl was happily yelling and his heart skipped a beat "Mummy's not mean anymore."

He quickly stirred the soup he was making and pressed the phone closer to his ear.

"What Sam is trying to say," C.C.'s voice suddenly said, sounding much closer than Sam's voice "is that I will be away tonight on business and we were wondering if you could come and look after her?"

He took a moment to calm his beating heart and added some parsley to the soup.

"I'm catering an event this afternoon but I'd be delighted to play with her tonight."

"She can't really hear you, Niles," C.C.'s dry response came "you don't have to talk so overly pompous to me."

"Sorry, old habits. When should I come by?"

"About 7.30 and you're sure you can manage?"

"I'd love nothing more, C.C." he seriously answered.

"Alright then, but make sure you're on time, Butler Boy," she sternly said, before adding as an afterthought" though I guess this nickname doesn't have the same effect anymore."

"Of course it does, Chas." he gently said and hung up.

As her daughter happily danced around her, planning all the things she would have to show Niles, C.C. allowed herself a small moment of bliss. The name, his response, it all brought back memories she had been trying to forget for too long. As the tingling sensation spread through her body, C.C. closed her eyes and enjoyed the sun that was warming her face. "You are incorrigible ..." she thought.

* * *

That was the moment in which Niles' and C.C.'s lives changed a bit for the better, though of course there was much still to happen before they'd ever be able to be completely themselves again. But Niles valued the second chance he had been given and from then on made certain that he was available in the evenings, which was only possible thanks to the good reputation his company had in New York. He enjoyed nothing more than to play with Sam and he could feel how their bond strengthened after every time, and him and C.C. were at least back on a friendly basis, though it still took her a couple of minutes to lower her guard when he was around.

Then one day, something happened. C.C. spent an uncharacteristically long time away on business and Niles could sense that Sam was getting worried. Nonetheless he kept her occupied as best he could and still both breathed a sigh of relief when the key turned in the lock and the blonde entered the apartment with her traditional "Hello, Hello!"

"Mummy, where have you been?" Sam immediately asked, flinging herself into her mother's arms.

"Oh I'm sorry, baby; business ran a little bit longer today."

And although Sam seemed to be happy with that explanation Niles wore a frown. He had known C.C. long enough to be aware that she wrapped up business quickly and that she was showing definite signs of nervousness. So he followed her into the kitchen and quietly asked: "What kept you?"

"Do you need to get your hearing checked?" C.C. said, though without any hostility.

"No, but I'd like to know the real reason."

"Nosy as ever," she commented and sighed "I was just getting ready to head home when Cole Jameson approached me and asked me out on a date for Friday night, can you imagine?"

Surprise swept over Niles' face that fluently turned into pain, before he regained control and managed a weak smile. "Should I know him?"

"Well, he's currently the most popular actor on Broadway." she explained and he shrugged.

"But mummy," a soft voice said and caused Niles and C.C. to turn around "why do you want to see that man? We already have one, we have Niles."

For a moment C.C. could've sworn to have seen a look of pride on Niles' face, before it was replaced by a smug grin.

"Well, Sammy, Niles is nice and he's here to look after you. But Cole is very nice also; you have many different friends too, don't you?"

"I guess," Sam shrugged, not sounding convinced.

"Well, I'll leave you two to discuss this matter." Niles said, winking at Sam before heading for the door where he grabbed his coat.

On the way home, however, the little smile he had been wearing slowly disappeared as he considered the consequences that might arise from C.C.'s date. By the time he reached his apartment, his thoughts had worked him into frenzy and so he decided to call the all-knowing Yenta.

"Hello Niles! How was your babysitting session with Samantha?" she instantly asked.

"Wonderful, though I'd hardly call it babysitting, she's growing up far too quickly."

"Awww, look at you, aren't we getting attached, mistah!" she exclaimed and her honking laugh drew a sad smile to his lips.

"That's exactly the problem." he quietly said.

"What do ya mean, ya not thinking about leaving them again, are ya?"

"No, of course not. But when C.C. came home tonight she announced that she'd be going on a date on Friday." And he filled her in about all the details, from the look on C.C.'s face to Sam's comment. "What if she and that Cole guy hit it off? What if Sam likes him more than me... then C.C. and I would have to get a divorce and Sam would find out and it'd all get so messy." He sighed, worried still but also relieved to have confided in someone.

"First of all, I'm guessing from what Sam's said, this Cole is gonna have a hard time winning her over. And secondly, I doubt that C.C. will fall in love with him. Maybe they'll get along well but Niles, she still has feelings for you... nothing has really been resolved and, trust me, they'll linger."

"I wish I was as certain as you are." he muttered.

"All I'm sayin' is, ya can't give up now. Fight for her, show her that you love her."

Niles considered her advice for a moment and decided to take it with a pinch of salt. Though the general idea was sound, he also trusted his instincts that told him not to show C.C. any grand gestures, for he'd only make a fool of himself. Maybe all he had to do was to show C.C. that he was reliable, that despite her date and the possible changes that might ensue, his devotion to Sam wouldn't stop.

* * *

Friday night arrived much too quickly for C.C.'s liking, but then she had spent most of the days in between thinking about the expression on Niles' face and Sam's response. And there was something else, too, for ever since Niles had touched her that day she'd been having dreams of a more intimate nature. She tried to rationalise these by telling herself that she simply hadn't been with a man for a very long time, however, this still didn't explain in the slightest why it was always Niles she was dreaming about. And so on Friday morning as she was standing in the shower, getting ready for work, her mind drifted off yet again to a particular encounter many years ago.

_C.C. and Niles had certainly made the most of their time off, before they'd both return to work and had thus christened almost every possible place in their Californian home. But now that Niles was having a shower, she had decided to prepare for work by reading the pilot script. She was comfortably lying on the living room couch, the drapes drawn shut and the fire creating a cosy atmosphere. She managed to concentrate on the script very well, until her husband entered the picture wearing nothing but a towel. The firelight painted his chest in a warm bronze hue and she smiled as she eyed him over the top of her reading glasses. _

_"You're not working again, are you, witch?" he questioned, sitting down on the living room table. _

_"Well, somebody needs to earn the money in this house." she teased and reached out to take his hand to ensure him of the lightness of her remark. _

_"I advise you to take off those glasses." he suddenly said very seriously. _

_"Why?" she asked, propping the script up against her legs._

_"Because if you don't, I'll be forced to take everything else off," _

_She shrugged and pretended not to believe him and picked up where she had left off. From the corner of her eye, however, she noticed that her favourite lopsided grin had appeared on Niles' face. Desperately fighting the direction her thoughts had begun to wander, she forced herself to concentrate on the dialogue taking place in the script, when moments later she felt her husband's lips caressing her neck. _

_"You look so stern in those glasses, Chas," Niles whispered, his tongue exploring the hollow of her neck, while his hands slowly unbuttoned her pyjamas "it would turn me on to see you lose all control." _

_She instantly felt her whole body responding, as a trembling took hold of it and as quickly as that she knew she didn't stand a chance. _

_"Like the first night, when we christened the kitchen counter," he continued, trailing numerous kisses down to her tummy "when I made you give in, made you mine all over." _

_The little breeze of air that occurred when he opened her pyjama top made her tingle all over. He seemed to notice her reaction and lowered his hot mouth to her right nipple, sucking on it so hard that she couldn't distinguish between pleasure and pain anymore. _

_"How could I not? I'll always be yours, Butler Boy." she whimpered and the sincere, loving smile he gave her warmed her heart. _

_"Damn those sexy glasses," he then muttered, before he continued his assault. _

_The throbbing at her core increased and she tried to distract herself by slipping one hand under his towel where it wrapped around his hardened member. The moan that left his lips was breathed directly against the sensitive skin of her tummy and she closed her eyes as a wave of pleasure overwhelmed her, while her hand continued to stroke lovingly up and down his shaft. Finally he moved away to pull down her panties and she groaned in frustration, for she couldn't reach him anymore. Yet all of this was rapidly forgotten as his tongue touched her clit, teasing it until it became engorged and throbbing which caused her vision to become blurry for a second. _

_"Niles, oh God Niles...I..." she moaned "I want you to touch yourself." _

_His deep blue eyes found hers for a moment, before he lowered his mouth to her core once more while he was stroking himself. Although desire was flooding her senses, C.C. forced herself to keep her eyes open, because she wanted to see how she made him feel. As if on cue his fingers replaced his lips as he groaned loudly. _

_"Take me, Niles." she whispered, and even though she had done so quietly, he seemed to have heard her and got to his feet, ripping of his towel. _

_Within seconds he had moved into her, hovering above her, before he began to thrust in a steady rhythm. _

_"Faster, baby," she said, squeezing his ass to egg him on and he willingly complied "yes, that's it, come on harder!" _

And just as she had reached her climax then, so she did now, muffling her cries as best as she could. She hadn't intended to pleasure herself, especially not with Samantha in the house, but she reasoned that over the sound of the running water it was rather unlikely that her daughter had heard anything. She stood there panting, until the water had washed all the traces of her passion away, before she considered it safe to switch the water off and move out of the shower. She quickly toweled her hair and slipped on her robe, before unlocking the door and walking into the living room where she found Sam curled up on the couch crying.

"What's wrong, darling?" she asked, immediately concerned.

"I heard you groaning in pain and I knocked on the door but you didn't reply...I thought you were hurt." Sam whispered, wiping away her tears.

"Oh baby, I'm so sorry," C.C. apologised, feeling utterly embarrassed and helpless for not being able to offer a better explanation "I just hit my head earlier on but then the water was so loud and I am a very thorough cleaner... I'm fine though!"

"Can I have a hug?" her daughter quietly asked and C.C. who couldn't stand to see tears in her light-blue eyes, happily obliged.

* * *

It was 7 o'clock in the evening when Niles appeared, looking far too good in a beige polo, a burgundy scarf loosely wrapped around his neck. C.C. had only stolen a quick look at him, before disappearing into her bedroom to change. She left the door half open, curious to hear what Niles and her daughter would talk about, but the hunt for the perfect outfit got her so distracted that she only realised too late what the conversation had shifted to.

"It's nearly 8, I thought they were having dinner at 8?" Sam asked, not exactly sounding unhappy about her mother's tardiness.

"She always takes this long, she's very thorough." Niles explained at which Sam nodded fiercely.

"That's what she told me this morning. I was so silly..." and she giggled.

"What happened this morning?" Niles asked.

"Oh I heard mummy moaning in the shower and thought she was hurt, so I got really upset, but turns out she'd only hit her head and didn't hear me knocking coz of the water..."

"Sam, could you bring me my favourite earrings, please?" C.C. asked, who had made a hasty appearance looking visibly flushed.

The little girl shrugged and jumped off the couch to do as she was told, which caused Niles and C.C. to be left alone.

"Don't even say anything," she growled after a while, unable to bear his triumphant grin.

"Must've been quite a shower when you didn't hear you daughter," he commented despite her warning "certainly very talented."

And his smile broadened when C.C. blushed even further. But what struck him as odd was the fact that she refused to look him in the eye, almost as if she was especially embarrassed because...

"No," he breathed.

"Sam, I'd really like those earrings now!" C.C. practically yelled, scared that he was on to her.

When Samantha emerged she held a beautiful set of light-blue pearl earrings in her hands, from which three blue diamond-shaped stones were dangling.

"Here, let me help you," Niles offered and rose to his feet, taking the jewellery from Sam.

C.C. hesitantly brushed her hair behind her ear and cursed herself for being unable to refuse his touch. He was working fast and efficient and yet his close proximity made her feel as if time was moving excruciatingly slowly.

"How do I look?" she asked, her voice a little hoarse.

"Very pretty," Sam replied and Niles nodded.

To him "pretty" was an understatement: The long white tight fitting dress had a slit that showed off her beautiful long legs, whenever she put one foot in front of the next. That combined with her long hair and the scent that was simply C.C. made it incredibly difficult to control himself.

"Alright, I better go then," she asked, reaching for her wrap and her purse "don't wait up."

"We won't!" Sam promised, but Niles could read in her eyes that this particular promise would easily be broken.

With C.C. out of the house the conversation easily turned to the latest adventures Sam had had in her playmobil castle and how much she missed Fran, Maxwell and the twins. Feeling sorry for her, Niles decided to order take-away at the Chinese place that Fran had always loved and indulged Samantha in the many anecdotes that living with the flashy Jewish woman had produced. Tucked up in bed later than any 5 year-old should, he lay down next to her, wishing he could do so every night.

"Tell me another story!" Sam said firmly and Niles sighed.

"Alright, but just one more, it's a fairy tale so you'll fall asleep."

"Ok," Sam agreed nodding happily.

"There once was a young man in Japan who loved to fish. Every day he'd return to the same spot by a lake where he'd stand quite peacefully and fish, trying to escape the harshness of reality. You see, his father was very sick and he was struggling to provide for his wife and daughter. Then one day, while he was fishing, a little turtle came his way. He picked it up and studied it closely, musing that he could win enough medicine from it to save his father, or turn it into a beautiful comb for his wife. But the more he observed the turtle, the more he knew that he couldn't kill it and so he set it free in the lake. Many more hours passed when suddenly a boat, carrying a young woman, came into view. When it reached the shore he saw that the woman was crying. She told him that she had escaped from a larger boat that had sunk and that she desperately needed help to return to her home which was many miles away. The young man had a good heart and decided to help the woman, so he climbed into her boat and together they rowed back to her Island. She was so grateful to be back, that she allowed him entrance into a large castle. He marvelled at the grandeur and the beauty of it and willingly followed her. "As a thank you," the woman said "you can enter those four rooms." When the young man stepped into the first room he saw that it was Spring, it was green and there were flowers and everything he loved about that season. After a little while he entered the second room, to find that it contained the heat and the promise of a summer's day. Excitedly he moved on to the third room, and found himself caught up in the melancholy of Autumn and then finally in the last room, he stood ankle-deep in snow. Three times he went into all four rooms when he suddenly remembered his sick father and wife and child and he asked the woman how much time had passed. "Three years," she told him, for he had entered the rooms three times. He instantly panicked, worrying about his father who couldn't have possibly survived and his wife who must've thought he had died while fishing. He told the woman he wished to return and she agreed, handing him a box. "Do not open this, but it might be useful." She told him and he decided to ignore her advice and the box, for both were rather confusing. When he finally made it back to his town nothing was left anymore, he searched in all directions but his house was gone. Eventually an old man crossed his path and he asked: "Wasn't there a house here once? An entire village?" The man smiled sadly and answered: "Of course, but that was 300 years ago." The young man, befallen with grief returned to the shore of the lake and did the only thing left to do: he opened the box. At once he was enveloped in green mist, a mist that consumed his entire body until he turned into a crane and flew away, back to the Island where he was reunited with the woman who was, in truth, the turtle he had set free."

After the story had ended there was a pause, before Samantha asked: "That was it? But it didn't have a happy ending, he lost his wife and child and his father!"

Niles smiled softly at her and said: "That is one way of looking at it. He certainly made a mistake when he left them and out of his grief he opened that box. He was simply human, Samantha, but that was the path he was destined for."

"I don't understand it," she sighed and he pulled her into a hug.

"You will in time, now sleep."

After he had closed the door to her room, he busied himself clearing away the take-away cartons and filling the leftovers into containers, when in truth he was, of course, waiting for C.C. to return. Just after 11pm she emerged and it took one look at her face to know that there was still hope. He knew that she had enjoyed the evening, and yet there wasn't that glow that would've told him he didn't stand a chance.

"Sam's in bed, the dishes are washed, there's Chinese in the fridge and I'm off now." he quietly said, grabbing his coat.

"Don't you want to know about my evening?" she asked, taken by surprise.

"The less I know, the better." he answered, softly brushing his lips against her cheek as he went "Goodnight."

Even after she had closed the door behind him she was certain he could hear the thundering of her heart. How, she wondered, was it possible that Niles made her feel this way in only a few seconds when Cole hadn't accomplished that all night?


	15. Chapter 15

**Hello, Hello! It's me again and I hate this chapter!-_- What an announcement, let me start again. lol Thank you SO much for your lovely reviews, I especially have to mention nrfan this time coz your reviews were sooo long, they made me smile too!(so thank you SO SO much!) But yes, like I said I am very unhappy with this chapter, so feel free to tell me how rubbish it was...I also have to tell you that the next update might not be till Monday or Tuesday...and I think I might be struggling with this more than you are!lol One of my friends from Germany who's currently an au pair in Edinburgh spontaneously came to visit me and she'll be staying till Sunday... I definitely won't be able to write anything tomorrow coz I've got theatre tickets to see Kim Cattrall in Liverpool ( I know, how excited am I?lol) but I doubt that I'll write anything on Saturday coz it'd just be rude...and yeah, I already forced myself to write tonight's ending which I'm not happy with... so I think it's safer for the quality of the story if I wait till my friend's gone. I just wanted to inform you and not just disappear for a week or something! ;) (I am oddly attached to you guys...) But yeah, please review coz I have a feeling this isn't so realistic anymore, so please let me know!**

**Disclaimer: Sadly none of the characters are mine, I just love them far too much and I still wish I could meet Danny Davis and Lauren Lane some day... not that that's of interest to you. lol  
**

**Chapter 15:**

Little and big secrets  
silence, unsharing  
from shame, for protection  
blank spots  
in the telling  
of our story

Carved off areas  
sometimes casually shared  
As if we knew, forgetting the secret  
the missing words  
names crossed from address books  
pain pushed down

Missing memories  
scraps of childhood  
undiscussed.

Raymond A. Foss

Confused and lonely C.C. sought comfort from the one person she knew loved her unconditionally. The lights in Sam's bedroom were switched off and though C.C. took great caution not to wake her daughter, she found herself observed by a pair of light blue eyes, the minute she had sat down on the bed.

"How was your evening?" Sam asked, suppressing a yawn.

"It was nice, I enjoyed myself." C.C. answered truthfully.

"Couldn't you have enjoyed yourself with me and Niles?" her daughter probed and made her feel increasingly uncomfortable.

"Sammy, you know I love spending time with you." she vaguely answered, but the stubborn frown her daughter wore demonstrated that she wasn't satisfied.

"That's not really what I asked though, is it?"

"Sweety, Niles and I... it takes time..." C.C. pleaded, hoping she'd understand.

"I can wait," Sam agreed happily and C.C. sighed, wishing it would be so easy.

Even more worried by her daughter's strong attachment to a man who'd disappointed her in a most cruel manner, she pretended to develop feelings for Cole who was nice enough, but certainly not right for her. Yet all of this was better than admitting to the lingering feelings for Niles. The man in question in the meantime, was beginning to display a quiet confidence that would've angered her, had he not been so humble about it. It wasn't in the way he addressed her or that he treated her remarkably different, yet there undeniably was something, for he hadn't reacted the way she had assumed, given the new man in her life. It was almost as if it didn't affect him in the slightest, as if he knew as well as she did, that the feelings for Cole were conjured out of thin air and were neither deep nor true. On the first few dates following that initial one, C.C. even made it a point to rub it in his face. She purposefully asked him to help her pick out outfits to wear, for it drove her insane that he wasn't jealous at all. But then it occurred to her how childish her behaviour was and only served as further evidence of her feelings for Niles and so she stopped.

* * *

"Hey boss, I brought you that painted plate you'd requested. The missus sends her regards." George said, striding into the kitchen carrying a small parcel.

Niles smiled gratefully and lowering the heat on the stove began to open it. He marvelled at the painted porcelain that showed many countries of the world.

"It's beautiful, how much do I owe you?" he asked.

"An explanation," George retorted swiftly "you promised me one ages ago."

"It's complicated to explain," Niles said, absent-mindedly playing with something in his pocket.

"It's about a woman, isn't it?"

"How did you know?"

"Because it's always about a woman. Who is she? Somebody famous? Is she married?"

"Yes," Niles replied "to me."

"You're married? Why did you never tell me?" George exclaimed and watched as Niles extracted a small wedding band from his trouser pocket that was attached to a golden chain "And all this time I thought it was a pocket watch."

"I married her nearly six years ago..." Niles told him wistfully "she was the love of my life, still is. God, she'd kill me if she ever heard me talk in such a mushy way. Our relationship was unusual to say the least, I was a butler back then and she's wealthy. She never would've looked at me twice, so to get her attention I began to insult her and play pranks on her. Imagine my surprise when she responded in the same fashion...oh the fun we had."

"That's one twisted relationship," George commented, still looking amused.

"She has a child, a daughter called Sam." Niles continued, his voice growing quieter.

"So you're a father too? What else is there I don't know?"

"I'm not the father...Samantha was conceived a few weeks before C.C. and I came together...when I found out it broke my heart and I did the most foolish thing... I ran away, back here to New York, and left C.C. to raise that little girl."

"I don't believe it, you wouldn't do something this stupid." George said, shaking his head.

"There were other factors involved too, but the fact remains that I abandoned my pregnant wife. And then about a year ago I saw her again, that night at the opera... I never stopped loving her, hell, I never even stopped thinking about her...and the girl, she's beautiful and remarkable and has her mother's spirit. I instantly fell in love with her... and through some bizarre twist of fate she took to me as well. That favour that you did for me was vital, George, I needed to see them again and ensure C.C. that I wouldn't give up. It wasn't easy, but now I take the nights off to look after the girl when her mother has to attend meetings with possible investors. They're my whole life..."

Although George was still struggling to believe that Niles would've made such a big mistake, he felt so sorry for him that he pulled him into a hug.

"You have to stop feeling guilty, man, it's eating you up." he said, patting Niles' back.

"Thank you, I'm working on it."

"So what has the plate got to do with it?" George suddenly asked.

"Oh, Sam told me the other day how much she wanted to travel, but C.C.'s so busy that there isn't any time. So I thought I could show her the world the only possible way, at least at the moment, by introducing her to all the culinary specialties this world has to offer."

"You're a good man, Niles." George said warmly and patted his back once more.

* * *

C.C. was nearly dressed when the doorbell rang, knowing that it could only be Niles she yelled for Sam to get it. She needn't have told her to, really, for the little girl had instantly jumped to her feet, eager to greet Niles.

"Whoa, you have so much stuff!" she commented, when she found Niles in front of her, carrying several bags.

"Well, the world is a big place, Sam." he answered, winking at her, before moving inside the apartment "There are more bags in the corridor, I wouldn't need several trips if your mother wasn't so lazy!"

C.C. smiled to herself when the last part of the sentence caught her attention, but as she emerged from her bedroom the smile was practically invisible and instead she was glaring at him.

"Only providing you with a much needed work out." she replied, enjoying the fact that he'd never risk insulting her in front of Sam.

He crossed his arms in front of his chest but the softness in his deep-blue eyes told her that he was enjoying the banter as much as she was. After all the bags were inside the apartment, Niles sat down next to Sam on the sofa and showed her the plate he had brought along. C.C. watched them for a couple of minutes and only realised when there was a knock on the door, how late she was running.

"Don't tell me that's him," Niles muttered.

It was difficult enough for him to know that C.C. was now dating that man, but it would be even harder to appear nonplussed when they had to be face to face.

"Niles, could you get that? It's Cole!"

"I'm not your butler anymore." he shouted in return, but rose to his feet nonetheless.

"Yes well, once a butler, always a butler." she snapped and instantly regretted her words.

"That's not very nice, mummy!" Sam scolded and Niles laughed quietly.

"Listen to your daughter, Chas, she's a smart one."

Upon opening the door he found himself confronted with a man who was quite taller than him. He had dark wavy hair and oddly reminded him of Maxwell, had it not been for the cold green eyes. There was something so calculating about them that it instantly made Niles shiver.

"C.C. is still getting ready," he informed him politely and stepped aside so that Cole could enter "God knows she needs ages to fix that face of hers."

"That wasn't nice either, Niles." Sam commented yet again and this time it was C.C. who had to laugh.

"Take your own advice, Butler Boy, and listen to Samantha." she said, emerging from her bedroom and placed a tender kiss on her daughter's head.

"For a butler you're taking far too much liberty," Cole stated coolly and Niles bit back the answer that had been forming on his tongue.

"I used to be a butler, now I'm a caterer." he instead told him.

"Yes, Niles makes great food." Sam chimed in and smiled at him proudly.

Cole merely fixed Niles with a disdainful stare and focused his attention on Samantha.

"And you must be C.C.'s beautiful little daughter, well, aren't you cute." he said, a big fake smile plastered on his face. But his lips that formed a thin line once she backed away and into the safety of Niles' arms, gave him away. "Are we ready to go then?" he quickly asked C.C., before his eyes went wide as he took in her appearance. Once again she had outdone herself, wearing a black pencil skirt and white blouse, the front few strands of her hair swept up and held together by a clip. "But I haven't greeted you properly," Cole smoothly continued and pulled her into a heated kiss.

C.C. who was half struggling against him, nearly burst out laughing when she noticed the identical expression of disgust on Niles' and Sam's faces.

"Gross," her daughter commented, before turning to face Niles "I'm glad you never kiss her like that!"

"If I tried she'd slap me in the face." he replied, chuckling softly, before catching C.C.'s eye to see if she was thinking the same.

When their silent conversation became too much to bear, he easily lifted Sam up into his arms and placed a peck on her cheek. "But I can always kiss you." he said and she giggled when his little stubble tickled her.

"Let's go," Cole said again and C.C. had trouble tearing herself away from the sweet scene in front of her. Once the door closed behind the pair he seriously looked at C.C. and said: "I don't like how close that butler is with your daughter, is it safe to leave them alone?"

"Well, Cole, unfortunately it's my decision, and I trust Niles." C.C. found herself saying much to her surprise.

Meanwhile inside the apartment Sam heaved a big sigh.

"What's wrong?" Niles asked, gently lowering her to the floor again and walking into the kitchen to unpack the ingredients.

"I don't like that mummy's spending time with him."

Niles merely nodded, for he had long since realised that it was too easy to win Sam for his purpose.

"Can I help you to cook?"

"I'm sure there's something you can help me with," he promised "but leave it to me to cut things, alright? I don't want you to get hurt."

"But I'm almost six, I can handle a knife!" she contradicted stubbornly and he smiled.

"Sure you can, you're the best knight in training I have met, but we'll leave chopping vegetables for a little while, ok?"

More or less together they prepared Tiramisu, curry and pad krapao, sushi, fajitas and burgers. When everything was prepared and set down on the table Niles placed the painted plate in front of Samantha.

"You just spin the plate and whenever you're ready just place your finger on it."

"What happens once it stops?" Sam asked eagerly.

"You will have to try something from the country it stops at and I will tell you a story."

They had just reached Germany when they heard the key in the lock.

"Mummy, you're home early!" Sam exclaimed happily and Niles smiled up at her from his position on the floor.

"Yes, Cole has an early meeting tomorrow morning." C.C. said and giving her daughter a quick kiss proceeded into the bedroom to change.

What she didn't tell either of them was, however, that her thoughts had been with them all night. Instead of the pleasant conversation her and Cole normally enjoyed, she had found her thoughts drifting off to Niles and her daughter and she had found that the only place she'd really wanted to be was with them. Unwilling to admit that to Cole or herself out loud yet, she had instead made up an excuse to leave early.

"Why are we eating this and not Bratwurst?" she heard her daughter ask while she changed.

"Bratwurst and Sauerkraut is such a cliché," Niles answered "this is Koenigsberger Klops, a real Prussian specialty."

And he put some rice on her plate followed by some sauce and meatballs. C.C. appeared by the door and watched her daughter who seemed to inspect the food suspiciously. C.C. was almost certain that Sam would refuse to eat it, seeing as the grey soup didn't look particularly appealing, yet despite all odds her daughter dunked her spoon into the mass and took a tentative bite.

"It's not as bad as it looks." Was her final verdict and Niles nodded approvingly.

"You try an awful lot of food for your age, Sammy." he praised her and C.C. said: "Normally she doesn't, it's just because she likes you."

"So not true," Sam contradicted and blushed slightly.

Niles' eyes rested on C.C. for a minute who was wearing her pyjamas and whose hair was pulled up and held together by a pin.

"Well, I'm honoured, because I like you too." he then replied.

"You like mummy too, dontcha?" Sam probed and now it was Niles' turn to blush.

"No, I loathe her." he deadpanned, hoping to evoke the memories in C.C.

"That's just as well, because I despise you." she retorted and Niles held her gaze for a very long time.

"Spin the plate, mummy!" Sam finally ordered and both of them snapped back to the present.

C.C. followed her daughter's wishes and when the plate had stopped spinning, said: "Japan."

"Boring, Niles and I already did that." Sam complained, but C.C picked up a pair of chopsticks nonetheless.

She carefully lifted up a piece of sushi, but before it could reach her mouth she dropped it.

"Here, let me help you." Niles volunteered, leaning across the table "You were always useless when it came to anything else but our cutlery."

"Why thank you, charming as always." C.C. growled and watched him as he picked up a piece with ease.

"Just open your mouth, woman." he instructed and the velvety tones of his voice made her tremble.

She steadily gazed into his eyes as he began to feed her, wondering if he too, could sense the intensity of the moment.

"See, mummy. You don't have to eat with that other man anymore, Niles makes nice food, so you can always eat with us." Samantha said and snuggled up against Niles.

And for a moment as they both looked at her innocently C.C. marvelled at their resemblance... the same expression, the same smile...could it be, or was it merely a trick of her imagination?


	16. Chapter 16

**Hello, Hello!:) It's finally Tuesday and I'm back with an update. Did it only feel this long to me? Anyway, most of you will hate me now (apart from 1 person ;)) because of the contents of this chapter**. **But I promise you it won't stay that way! (you will probably love the next chapter, if I do my job correctly ;)) Anyway, don't kill me but it was always intended to be this way...it's in my notebook!lol On a completely unrelated note: I saw Kim Cattrall on Friday! She is an AMAZING Cleopatra, her performance was outstanding! My friend and I stagedoored afterwards and got an autograph and a photo!:) She was sooo lovely though. First of all she walked right past us and my friend was panicking lol and everybody was pushing her way and yelling "KIM!KIM!" and I'm just not like that...so I waited patiently...we did...and another couple and she came to us in the end. So I said "You were remarkable!" and she stopped signing my program and looked up at me and smiled expectantly and then I added "And the costumes and the lighting were amazing." (which I'd been meaning to say also) And she said "Oh thank you so much." and smiled and then I asked her for a photo and she happily complied and while my friend was messing about with the zoom (lol I have a new camera -_-) I very hesitantly wrapped my arm around Kim and placed it on her shoulder...and a moment later I nearly had a heartattack... coz she put her hand on top of mine. My friend summed it up as we walked away: "Kim Cattrall...woow..." lol Next chapter will be up by Friday!;) Pleease review coz I'm dying to hear from you!lol**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, I just spend my free time screencapping them! ;)  
**

**Chapter 16:**

If a man says half himself in the light, adroit  
Way a tune shakes into equilibrium,  
Or approximates to a note that never comes:

Says half himself in the way two pencil-lines  
Flow to each other and softly separate,  
In the resolute way plane lifts and leaps from plane:

Who knows what intimacies our eyes may shout,  
What evident secrets daily foreheads flaunt,  
What panes of glass conceal our beating hearts?

A.S.J. Tessimond

C.C. lay in bed thinking, ever since that night a small burst of hope had been bubbling up. Niles, Sam and her an actual family, maybe it wasn't so farfetched anymore. And even though she was alone in the safety of her bedroom, she had difficulty calming her beating heart. She didn't know yet what the future was holding in store for her and Niles, but what she did know was the next step she had to take: She would have to break up with Cole. All the while she was telling herself that this had nothing to do with her feelings for Niles but that it was solely an act of fairness, though deep in her heart she knew the truth.

The next evening when it was time for her final date with Cole, she carefully chose an outfit again, however, didn't pay that much attention to her hair or make-up. Nonetheless when she entered the restaurant she instantly drew Cole's eyes in her direction.

"You look ravishing," he complimented and placed a couple of bills on the table.

"Where are we going?" C.C. asked confused, for he had taken her hand and was leading her away "I thought we were going to have dinner."

"That was the plan but you just ruined it by looking so beautiful."

C.C. was still trying to process what was happening when they were already riding up the elevator to his hotel room.

"I knew it was a good idea to invite you to the hotel's dining room...only a few short minutes to my bed." he whispered and sensually brushed his lips over her neck.

She sighed despite herself and allowed him to continue, for it had been far too long since she had been touched like that. When the elevator doors opened they earned a disapproving look from the elderly couple outside, before Cole whisked her off to his room. Once the door was closed he kissed her fiercely, hungrily plundering her mouth and she hesitantly responded. As he led her to the bed she kept feeling torn, torn between the physical effect he had on her and her heart that seemed to scream at her for making a mistake. And suddenly, before she had even realised how it had happened, she didn't see Cole kissing her, she saw Niles. Green eyes were no longer watching her, but instead dark blue-eyes, clouded with desire were worshipping her. His shoulders had become broader and her fingers trailed their way over the familiar sinews of his chest.

"Stop," she finally breathed, realising that the only person she wanted to be with was Niles.

"What, baby, I'm just getting started." he muttered, swiftly unbuttoning her blouse.

"I said stop," she firmly repeated, pushing herself up on her elbows.

"Just relax," he tried again, sliding his tongue down the valley between her breasts.

"Get off me." she finally commanded, pushing him off "I came here tonight to break things off."

"Geez, your mother never mentioned how complicated you'd be." he muttered and C.C. stopped dead in her tracks.

"My mother?" she yelled.

"Yes, paid me to date you. Why else would I spent time with such an disgusting old-"

But C.C. didn't really hear him for her growl of anger was so loud it blocked out every other noise.

* * *

Niles and Samantha had just been enjoying a regular movie night and he was tugging her in, when the front door slammed shut loudly.

"Mummy?" Sam asked, climbing out of bed and running into the living room.

"Why aren't you in bed yet?" C.C. snapped and Sam took a step back.

"I was just tugging her in," Niles explained, emerging from Sam's room.

"Just go, go to your room!" C.C. ordered and Sam, her lips quivering, did as she was told.

"Chas, what's going on? You're scaring the child!" Niles asked, annoyance tainting his voice.

But C.C. didn't answer him and merely rushed to her bedroom where she hurriedly picked up the phone and dialled a number. Niles silently followed her and stood in the doorway observing the scene.

"Mother? This is C.C.," she began and lifted her hand as to stop her mother's voice "no, we will cut the bullshit and you will listen to me. Your little plan didn't work! Tonight I went to break it off with Cole and guess what he told me? A rather amusing anecdote of how my mother hired him to date me. Yes, mother, he blabbed and I still cannot believe you would sink this low."

"Chastity, listen to me," her mother pleaded, though there was no warmth in her voice "I know that the butler is back in your life."

"Oh well done, has Cole been keeping you informed?"

"Yes but it was for your own good and for that of our family. Your sister heard that...song...on the radio,"

"What are you talking about now?" C.C. harshly cut her off.

"That song that was dedicated to Chastity and her butler boy," her mother replied coolly "she thought that it was rather curious and after some research discovered that the servant was, indeed, a part of your life and even more appalling, part of my grandchild's life."

"Your grandchild? You haven't once bothered to see me and Samantha." C.C. yelled, tears welling up in her eyes.

"Would you have allowed me to?" B.B. asked and C.C. paused for a moment, begrudgingly admitting that her mother was right.

"So what was your great plan? Should Cole only keep you informed?"

"Of course not, you silly girl. He wins any woman over with his charm... I should've known that it wouldn't work on you, you'd much rather prefer the presence of a toilet scrubbing, filthy domestic. So I paid Cole to seduce you, since you respond so well to cheap flattery."

"But your ingenious plan didn't work, _mother,_ and it never will because I-" she suddenly stopped, acutely aware of Niles' presence and the words she had been about to utter "because I don't love Cole."

"I will not allow that man anywhere near my grandchild, do you understand me? Your life was perfect after that servant dumped you, you were strong, independent, a real Babcock."

"No, you're wrong," C.C. contradicted, tears clouding her vision "I was broken and alone, but I pulled myself together for Sam. And now that Niles is back in my life I realised how much I've missed him and how grateful I am that I haven't ended up as bitter as you!"

"He isn't the child's father, have you forgotten that?"

"Of course I haven't, how could I? But...wait a minute... did you manipulate that too? Did you pay the doctor to tell us..."

"Niles?" a timid voice whispered and a small hand tugged at his clothes. He hurriedly closed the door so that Sam wouldn't hear the rest of the conversation. "Why is mummy so mad at me?"

He easily lifted her up in his arms and carried her into the bedroom where he set her down on the bed.

"She isn't mad at you, sweetheart, she's very angry with her mother." he calmed her, gently wiping away her tears.

"But why? What has grandma done and why's she never come to see us?"

"I don't know, Sammy." Niles lied, straightening her messy hair.

"Samantha, get dressed," C.C. suddenly ordered, appearing at the door "You will spent the night at uncle Noel's."

"But mummy I don't wanna leave you." Sam cried, hopping off the bed to run to C.C. and hug her legs.

Niles could see C.C. struggling to control herself. Her entire body had stiffened upon the little girl's embrace and she was now trembling and staring up at the ceiling trying, as he very well knew, to hide the tears that were threatening to fall.

"Samantha, you have to be a big girl now." she tried carefully, yet the child still picked up on her rejection.

"Come along, darling, I'll help you get dressed and then you'll have a wonderful night at uncle Noel's." Niles soothed, holding out his hand for her.

Sam studied him, her eyes puffy and swollen and large tears continued to roll down her cheeks. "I wanna stay with mummy," she hiccupped and he nodded.

"Mummy just needs to sort out a couple of things, but she'll pick you up tomorrow and then you can spend the entire day together." he promised, not certain if it was the truth, but grasping at straws to somehow calm the distraught girl.

Once Sam was clad in a pair of jeans and a warm sweater, he fetched her toothbrush and hairbrush and placed them in a little bag. A knock on the door indicated Noel's arrival and Niles and Samantha emerged from her bedroom, holding hands.

"Now don't be angry with D.D.," Noel was saying, but stopped abruptly when he noticed that they weren't alone anymore.

"See there he is now!" Niles exclaimed, overly cheerful and left Samantha's side for a moment to get her coat.

"Good to see you," Noel quietly said and briefly shook hands with Niles, who then returned to Samantha and helped her put on the coat.

"Niles, promise you won't leave us, no matter how angry mummy is!" Sam quietly but fiercely begged him and he found tears welling up in his eyes.

"I will never leave you, Samantha." he seriously said and pulled her into an embrace.

"Bye, darling, have a wonderful night." C.C. whispered, kneeling down in front of her daughter and gave her a quick kiss.

"I love you, mummy." The little girl said, but it had an urgency to it that required an immediate answer.

"I love you too, always!" C.C. promised and rose to her feet to hide the tears from her daughter.

"Come on then, Sam, let's get you to my place and I'll read you a story." Noel tried and Sam silently nodded her head.

Once the door had closed behind them C.C. furiously began pacing up and down the room. Niles watched her for a while, before he decided to step in, knowing what she needed right now.

"Let go," he quietly said and got hold of her wrist as she tried to walk past him.

Slowly his arms snaked around her waist and he pulled her close, so that her back was leaning against his chest.

"Niles, I can't just stand here, I have to-"

"Breathe," he gently said, carefully nudging her head with his.

And all the feelings C.C. had kept bottled up for so long suddenly broke free. There he was, the only man who'd ever been able to stand up to her, who saw past her strong facade and wasn't afraid to hold her when she most needed it. He was still that man whose voice could calm her, whose twinkling eyes could make her heart skip a beat and whose embrace felt like home. And so she cried, cursing her mother and God for this twisted relationship and for still loving a man who'd hurt her so much.

"I can't believe I did that to Sam, she was so scared... but I couldn't have her in the house, she can't see me like this, she shouldn't feel my anger." C.C. muttered defeated until she felt Niles' hands that were turning her around to face him.

"Sam will understand once you explain, Chas and she'll still see the strong, remarkable woman you are." he softly said and wiped away her tears with his thumb.

Right at that moment she wished she could overcome the gap between them by expressing all her conflicting emotions but instead she simply reached out and touched his cheek. She traced the lines and wrinkles with her finger, never breaking eye contact.

"Tell me what happened tonight." he finally urged, very aware of the vulnerable state she was in and scared she'd do something she'd regret.

"I went to have dinner with Cole, as you know, but I also wanted to break up with him. But before I had the chance he had already whisked me up to his hotel room and was beginning to seduce me." she told him and suddenly felt him grow tense.

"What did he do?" he growled.

"He kissed me and pulled me onto his bed and I let him because..." she hesitated, unable to disclose the true reason "but then I realised that it was wrong and I pushed him off... that's when he told me that my mother had paid him."

"What did she say when you talked to her?"

"Oh you know, the usual... how she had done it for the family and for Samantha. She knows that you're back here and wanted to stop us from getting close again. You know, I wouldn't be surprised if that spy she had in California has followed us here."

"What are you talking about?" he asked, frowning.

"Some time after you'd... left... she called and congratulated me on dumping you, so clearly there must've been a spy. Fran and Maxwell wouldn't have said anything."

"C.C.," Niles suddenly said, avoiding her eyes "it wasn't a spy, it was me."

"What?" she asked, taking a step away from him.

"After I'd left I rang her... I told her that it was over and-"

"What were you thinking?" C.C. now yelled, an angry fire blazing in her eyes.

"Believe it or not I was thinking about you and Samantha." he retorted, matching her volume "I thought that your mother would help you once I was out of the picture, that she'd support you again once she found out about it."

"Is that why you left us?"

"Don't be absurd, C.C., you know that wasn't it."

"No, I always thought you left because you were a coward. You're afraid to tell the truth even now, aren't you?"

"C.C., I swear to God, don't make me tell you my reasons now! You're angry and upset, both of which are understandable-"

"Don't you dare patronize me, Niles Brightmore!" she yelled, stabbing him in the chest "You left us, you destroyed everything, so you better name your reasons!"

A small voice in the back of her mind was telling her to stop, but she couldn't. For a brief moment she had had that flicker of hope, that possibility that Niles was Sam's biological father and that maybe she could make peace with the past, because it had all been a tragic misunderstanding. That tiny bit of hope had been enough to trust him again, to forgive him to some extent for his actions and she had, once again, bared herself to him. But now the sudden discovery that Niles had been siding with her mother back then had ripped open that old wound. All the hidden distrust, the fear, the defencelessness was resurfacing once more and Niles would bear the whole brunt of it.

"I left, Chastity, for two reasons. First, because I had a telephone call from your mother the day we got the news, she told me that you'd leave me if Samantha wasn't my child, because she was the only thing keeping us together. And secondly, because I was afraid of what would happen should I fail to love this child...so I left before you or her could get too attached."

"But you love Sam now, you get along fine." C.C. said coldly.

"Don't you think I know that? Do you have any idea how much it pains me to experience that every day?"

"I don't feel sorry for you." C.C. spat and Niles winced.

"I wouldn't expect you to... but I thought that maybe you'd understand a little bit how I feel. I love your daughter though she isn't mine and I will continue to love her and I hate that I could've had all of that, had I stayed. I hate that I threw all of this away, C.C., but that's what I have to live with now."

The honesty and the sadness in his deep-blue eyes hurt her and blinking her own tears away she stubbornly lifted her head.

"Get out now!" she said quietly but with a finality in her tone that physically hurt him.


	17. Chapter 17

**Hello,Hello!:) I am so,SO sorry for not publishing this earlier coz I DID finish it on Friday...but I might be getting a beta so that needs sorting out!;) Riiight, where do I start? First of all thanks to nrfan for giving me some advice...it appears I didn't make it clear enough in the last chapter that B.B. had NOTHING to do with anything...she didn't bribe the doctor, she did nothing...and also that Niles is NOT Sam's biological father...apologies, I so should've made that clearer. Right, this chapter is pretty long but I'm quite happy with it and I sure hope you like it. Thanks to my best friend for helping me choose a song, she's also been reading my little stories for almost 10 years and she's the best friend anyone can hope for!:) I now have term break which is awesome and I will try to get some writing done, however, am visiting several friends in the following days, so can't promise you anything. Thanks for sticking with this story and reviewing and please continue to do so!:)**

**Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine .  
**

**Chapter 17:**

**Where sunless rivers weep  
Their waves into the deep,  
She sleeps a charmed sleep:  
Awake her not.  
Led by a single star,  
She came from very far  
To seek where shadows are  
Her pleasant lot.**

**She left the rosy morn,  
She left the fields of corn,  
For twilight cold and lorn  
And water springs.  
Through sleep, as through a veil,  
She sees the sky look pale,  
And hears the nightingale  
That sadly sings.**

**Rest, rest, a perfect rest  
Shed over brow and breast;  
Her face is toward the west,  
The purple land.  
She cannot see the grain  
Ripening on hill and plain;  
She cannot feel the rain  
Upon her hand.**

**Rest, rest, for evermore  
Upon a mossy shore;  
Rest, rest at the heart's core  
Till time shall cease:  
Sleep that no pain shall wake;  
Night that no morn shall break  
Till joy shall overtake  
Her perfect peace.**

**Christina Rossetti**

The day after the argument Niles woke up feeling a little bit like he had done when he had first regained consciousness after his heart attack. It was a dizzying feeling that served as a reminder that something wasn't right, that something had profoundly changed while he had been asleep. And, of course, once he lifted his head off the pillow the realisation hit him with the intensity of a headache. C.C. and he though prone to arguments, which were inevitable for two such stubborn characters, had never fought quite like that. Or maybe they had but it hadn't left such bitter aftertaste, because back then he had known that they'd forgive each other in the end. He had known her so well at one point, that he was even aware of how she hated to fight, that she couldn't stand to be separated from him, but that her pride would stop her from making the first move. Now, however, that safety and knowledge wasn't a given anymore. The day he had walked out on her and Samantha everything had changed. As a result he now didn't know what to expect: C.C. could either call him and initiate round two, or she could ban him from her life. On that first morning he tried to be optimistic and dragged his tired limbs out of bed. No-one at work seemed to notice his subdued mood, well, only George, but Niles had given him a look to remind him that certain things simply weren't discussed at work. And in the evening he had left together with Jack to ensure that George wouldn't have a chance to catch him alone. He simply didn't want to talk about it, because if he did, he'd have to admit that maybe he had lost C.C. forever. So instead he headed home, half-expecting to see the little red light flickering on his answering machine. But no message had been left for him and no consolation and so he resigned himself to waiting. After a week of hearing nothing from C.C. and Samantha, Niles called in sick at work and spent an entire day in his pyjamas. He missed the little girl's smile and the excitement in her eyes whenever she'd open the door for him and he longed to hear her stories. Equally much, of course, he yearned for C.C.: Her little quips and light-blue eyes, the hesitant gestures and soft, unconscious touch. How could he possibly have destroyed all that with a simple confession? Yes, maybe it had been foolish to admit that he had informed B.B. of his leaving so many years ago, considering her raging anger towards her mother. But he hadn't wanted to burden their carefully developing closeness by tainting it with lies. Apparently he should've known better...

* * *

When C.C. picked her daughter up from kindergarten Sam was, once again, in a sullen mood. She quietly trudged behind her and jumped into a cab without uttering a word. She had been behaving like this ever since the night C.C. had sent her away to sleep at Noel's but as this was also linked to Niles, C.C. refused to address the issue. Now, however, her daughter looked even more upset and so C.C. was forced to rethink her decision.

"How was kindergarten?" she asked lightly.

"Fine," came the miserable answer.

There had been days when Sam's chattering had driven her to insanity but now her daughter's silence was doing the same. Why wasn't she speaking to her? Could she have really gotten so attached to Niles already? There it was again, that word "attachment"... it had been echoing in her mind ever since Niles had used it that night. Now it was mocking her as it teamed up with the little voice in her head that told her that maybe his reasons were understandable. What would've happened if Sam had gotten attached to him and Niles couldn't have loved her? _"He should've tried at least."_ she thought bitterly, staring out of the window as the city whizzed past.

She hated the position she was in and refused to feel sorry for him, but could almost hear her therapist's voice telling her that she was merely doing it to protect herself from any more pain. After all, being angry with him was so much easier than confronting the sheer agony of having to forgive him.

"How about having spaghetti Bolognese for dinner tonight, what do you say?" she tried again.

Normally Samantha instantly would've asked if she could have ketchup too, but today she remained silent.

"Sam, do you miss Niles?" C.C. finally forced herself to ask.

Her daughter gave a noncommittal grunt and shrugged her shoulders.

"Do you?" she then shot back, her blue eyes studying her with an intensity that rendered her speechless for a moment.

And even after Sam had turned around again the question still heavily hung between them. Did she miss him? She wasn't sure of that anymore, for if she even got close to it the memories of their fight washed all the hopefulness away.

Once in the apartment Sam was about to race off to her room again, but this time C.C. stopped her.

"Are you mad at me? You haven't been talking to me for nearly two weeks. What's wrong with you?"

But Sam shrugged again and roughly snatched her hand back, before retreating into her room.

"Samantha Claire Brightmore, you will come out now and talk to me!" C.C. demanded, finally having had enough.

But her daughter was just as stubborn as she was and the door remained locked.

"Just tell me what's wrong!" C.C. tried again, resting her right hand against the firm wood of the door.

"I don't wanna talk to you, I wanna talk to Niles. He'd understand!" Sam's muffled reply finally reached her ears and broke her heart.

What had she done to deserve this cool treatment? And why would she pick Niles over her? They'd always been a team because it had always been just the two of them and she refused to let that damn man break that bond too.

"You can't talk to him now, but you can talk to me." she said firmly and that was that.

* * *

Niles was lying on the sofa, staring at the large display of his alarm clock. Noiselessly the minutes ticked past in the emptiness of his apartment. He reached out to scratch his chin and felt the stubble that was beginning to grow more and more. On his answering machine the light kept blinking...countless messages from George and the Sheffields, some more worried than others, but he didn't feel like calling them back. It was 7.56 pm and his stomach felt empty and cramped because he had skipped a number of meals. He'd always considered himself to be a strong man, resilient and capable of dealing with anything thrown his way. But the possible loss of the woman he loved so very much, as well as the daughter that could've been his was enough to drive the strongest man to despair. He wondered if C.C. had felt like that before she had been admitted to...The Place. After all, she had lost the love of the man she had been pining for for years and she had also thought that her professional skills weren't needed anymore. Just then the telephone rang and drew him away from his pensive musings. He didn't move, not even when his answering machine picked up but then he heard her voice.

"Niles, are you at home? Just pick up if you are, I don't have time for games."

And even though C.C. sounded annoyed, Niles had grabbed hold of the phone with lightning speed.

"I'm here now, what's wrong?" he asked.

"It's Samantha; she refuses to talk to me. I don't know if she's mad about our fight or what's bothering her but she won't talk to me. She wants to talk to you though."

He cradled the phone against his cheek, observing how defeated C.C. sounded.

"I'm sure it's nothing bad," he tried to calm her "maybe she just needs an explanation. I'll be over as soon as possible."

"Ok," C.C. sighed and hung up.

Niles quickly picked up some fresh clothes and jumped under the shower. After he had shaved he gulped down a glass of water and headed out. The minutes it took from his apartment in Soho to theirs in the Upper East Side were moving by excruciatingly slowly and his foot kept tapping an impatient rhythm against the floor. When he finally stood in front of their door he was panting, having run up the last flight of stairs.

"Come on in," C.C. said, upon opening the door.

And although her tone was cool it hadn't escaped him how worried she had looked once she'd laid eyes on him.

_"If she's concerned even though she's still mad at me_," he thought "_then I must really look like hell_."

"Where is she?" he quietly asked while hanging up his coat.

"In her bedroom, where else?" C.C. answered resignedly.

Niles nodded and strode over to the closed door, taking a deep breath before knocking twice.

"Go away!" the girl yelled.

"Now that would be a shame, after I've come all the way from Soho." he replied.

A heavy pause followed, indicating that Samantha certainly hadn't expected him. He used the opportunity to carefully open her door for only an inch.

"Can I come in?" he asked and took her shrug for a "yes".

After the door had been closed behind him, however, and before he even had the chance to utter a single word, Samantha had hopped from her bed and was standing in front of him, hands on her hips.

"You lied to me!" she heatedly accused.

"What do you mean?"

"You promised me that no matter how angry mummy was you wouldn't leave me... you haven't been here for 2 weeks!"

He sighed deeply and lowered his gaze to the floor.

"You're right, I'm sorry. But these were different circumstances and I wish I could explain them to you, but I can't make that decision without your mother."

She continued to glare at him, not budging at all.

"I missed you though," he quietly added and finally saw her wavering.

"I don't like liars." she huffed, but sat down on her bed again.

He hesitantly stepped forward and when she didn't stop him, he too took a seat on the edge of her bed.

"Your mum's really worried about you. Why haven't you talked to her?" he inquired.

A whole range of emotions passed over Sam's face but she didn't say a word.

"Is it because you're also mad at her?" he pressed on.

"Well, at first...yeah...but..." she sighed "mum wouldn't understand...she'd make fun of me."

"Well, right now she's simply concerned and I'm sure she'd take anything you have to say seriously."

"I dunno..." Sam said, sounding sullen.

"How's this then? You just tell me first and if I don't laugh we tell your mother, ok?"

Samantha considered his offer for a moment and then slowly nodded.

"We have this party in kindergarten coming up, for all the kids who are going to school soon." she began and Niles nodded while listening attentively "And I was really excited about going but then Dave said something..."

Niles frowned, secretly hoping that Sam wasn't experiencing some sort of bullying.

"What did he say?" he probed.

"Oh he always says how stupid I am and crap like that." Sam replied, before covering her mouth.

"You have quite a tone on you, young lady." Niles chided softly and laughed, before his expression became more serious again "You know, you can't let this kid pull you down."

"I know!" Sam retorted confidently "And I never let him get away with it coz mummy always says boys need to learn their place...but this time...I really wanna go to this party, but he said that I would look stupid in a dress coz I'm always running around like a boy."

"Oh, that's nonsense!" Niles said firmly.

"No, it's not..."Sam quietly whispered "I don't even know how to dance."

"Well, you'll learn and we'll buy you a nice dress and then you can prove him wrong."

"Niles?" Sam asked softly "I really like him..."

"Dave? The mean boy who is making fun of you?" he questioned incredulously.

"Yes," she whispered shyly "he has really nice eyes."

Niles smiled to himself but caught himself in time before Sam could see it and interpret it the wrong way."So tell me, does he make fun of you all the time?"

"I'm not sure...like...last week I was playing football with Tom and Sam and Jamie and I was really good, everyone was watching us. And then afterwards he told me I couldn't play and should stop hanging out with the boys coz I wasn't one of 'em."

This time Niles couldn't help himself and chuckled out loud.

"What's so funny?" Samantha instantly questioned angrily.

"I think that Dave might like you too." he responded.

"You're crazy," Sam sighed and plopped down on her bed again.

"Don't be upset, I promise you we will teach you all you have to know and I really think you should tell your mum, she'd support you too."

"Can you tell her for me?" Sam pleaded and Niles shrugged: "If that's what you want!"

The moment he emerged from Samantha's bedroom, C.C. hastily placed the book she had been reading down on the table. She didn't say a word, but her eyes gave away how scared she was.

"Relax," was the first thing he said "it's nothing bad. It's just complicated for her."

"Is it about us?" C.C. asked pointing at them.

"No, it's boy trouble."

"Oh, is it that Dave kid again? Sam talks about him a lot, maybe I should call his...wait...you mean _boy trouble?"_

Niles nodded grinning from ear to ear.

"But isn't she a little too young?"

"Evidently not," he replied, still smiling.

"And Dave? Out of all the boys she picks the one who's giving her a hard time?"

"Like mother like daughter," Niles quietly said and noticed how C.C. instantly avoided his eyes "but judging from her stories he likes her too."

"That is preposterous, Niles!" C.C. exclaimed.

"Take it from someone who knows what it's like being a boy and liking a pretty girl who gets on well with all the other boys."

"Oh, as if it's always so hard for you poor men," she commented dryly "you don't have to make yourself pretty to be liked!"

"No, but we have to be good at sports and be popular...and I always had an eye for naturally beautiful girls."

He could tell by the way she was grinding her teeth that this wasn't exactly the appropriate moment to mention these things, but when it came to her he very often spoke without thinking.

"Anyway," he hurriedly added "Sam thinks you won't take her seriously, that's why she wanted to talk to me. But I assured her that we'd help her prepare for this party and-"

"I have an idea!" C.C. suddenly exclaimed and he shut his mouth "We'll watch her favourite movie, maybe that'll cheer her up."

And half an hour later all three of them were sitting in front of the TV, a bucket of popcorn between them watching "My fair lady".

"I'll never be like Eliza," Sam sadly said "she's so pretty."

"So are you," Niles instantly responded.

"And he's a boy," C.C. added.

"Technically, I am a man." Niles corrected but C.C. merely grinned at him wickedly.

"Are you sure?"

When his eyes were fixed on the screen again he mused how glad he was that Sam was there. Somehow she always managed to break down the barriers between him and C.C. Of course, the blonde was still playing particularly rough but it was a miracle in itself that they were all together again.

"See, I wanna dance like that." Sam pointed out after a while, observing the many couples who were doing the waltz.

"Come here then and I'll teach you," Niles offered and got to his feet.

"Wait, I need to find a dress first!" Samantha said, jumping to her feet also, before disappearing into her room.

"In the meantime, may I have this dance?" he smoothly asked C.C. who was still sitting on the floor, legs outstretched.

"Don't be ridiculous, Butler Boy." she growled.

"But your daughter would like to dance with me," he said gesturing helplessly around the room "and then she stood me up."

"Serves you right," she said, placing the palm of her right hand down on the carpet to lean forward and glare at him playfully.

"You're killing me here, Babcock," he sighed, pressing his hands to his heart "just one dance."

"You are pathetic," C.C. said, slowly getting to her feet.

"Hang on, turn up the volume." Niles instructed, because the "Embassy Waltz" was playing in the background.

"If you step on my feet, Niles, so help me God-" C.C. threatened and Niles looked down at her bare feet.

"Well, your toenails are already red," he commented "besides, God would never help his arch enemy."

Just as she was opening her mouth to respond he firmly wrapped one arm around her and held her right hand in his left. And as much as she tried she couldn't resist the soft flow of their movements nor the delicious speed with which Niles manoeuvred them around her living room. Waltz had always been a weakness of hers and as much as she had hated her proper training to become a lady, the dancing lessons had been a secret thrill. And so with Niles by her side guiding her confidently she soon closed her eyes as her body relaxed. Before going into another spin Niles pulled her closer and whispered:

"See, I knew you'd love it."

Her blue eyes flew open and she fixed him intensely. "I haven't forgiven you yet," she firmly said and a small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

"I know."

When the Waltz had finished and Samantha still hadn't returned yet, Niles seized the opportunity for another dance. After all, it seemed that C.C. had said what she had been meaning to voice all along and she appeared more relaxed to him. After selecting a CD from her collection and placing it in the stereo he resumed his position and held her close once more. He could tell when she recognised the tune, for she immediately stiffened and even tried to pull away. It seemed wrong somehow to be dancing to this tune, because it wasn't light and meaningless anymore. And she knew that she was being a coward but she simply wanted to forget the past for a moment, although he was, of course, right.

"Just listen," he pleaded calmly and pulled her against him again.

Maybe I didn't treat you  
Quite as good as I should have  
Maybe I didn't love you  
Quite as often as I could have  
Little things I should have said and done  
I just never took the time

But you were always on my mind  
You were always on my mind

The soft notes of the bass were dictating their rhythm and the melody of the piano was telling her what he was trying to express. The silent question for her forgiveness brought tears to her eyes because she knew that, as much as she wanted to, she couldn't grant him this yet.

Maybe I didn't hold you  
All those lonely, lonely times  
And I guess I never told you  
I'm so happy that you're mine  
If I made you feel second best  
Girl, I'm sorry I was blind

You were always on my mind  
You were always on my mind

She thought about the many times she had been struggling when Samantha was little, and how much she had yearned for him to be there. Just the first months of her pregnancy had demonstrated the trust he had in her as a mother and it would've been so much easier with him by her side.

Tell me, tell me that your  
Sweet love hasn't died  
Give me, give me one more chance  
To keep you satisfied

Little things I should have said and done  
I just never took the time

You were always on my mind  
You were always on my mind

She finally looked up to find his deep-blue eyes observing her. The love within them was unmistakable and she smiled weakly. Slowly C.C. slipped one hand out of his hold and instead allowed it to rest against his chest. His eyes roamed across her face, committing every nuance to memory while his right arm wrapped around her waist. After giving a small nod he placed his hand on top of hers and in the darkness of the dimly lit room she saw that he wore their golden marriage band. Frowning she wondered if he had worn it all this time and if she simply hadn't noticed it but it certainly wasn't the only thing that was binding them together.

"Hey!" Samantha's voice suddenly shattered the quiet "I've been gone five minutes and you're already dancing with another woman?"

Both C.C. and Niles chuckled softly and let go of each other.

"You look beautiful," Niles complimented, noticing how the blue of the dress matched her eyes and her golden blonde curls "Dave will be head over heels with you."

"Why?" she questioned, stepping closer.

"Because I already am," he explained winking at her and lifted her up.

Samantha squealed in delight and wrapped her arms around Niles' neck.

"He's all mine now!" she firmly told her mother, sticking out her tongue.


	18. Chapter 18

**Finally an update!lol oh my gosh, I got sooo many lovely reviews from you guys and some of you were so sweet to even send me messages...I feel really bad for not updating any sooner. I wish I had a valid excuse, but I'm afraid I don't. I only started writing on this on Monday...But anyway, I'll try and get back to my old "fast update" routine ;) Ook, first of all: I found this poem on the loo. lol Just thought that'd make an amusing anecdote... the people I stayed with have books everywhere, also on the loo and I saw a book with poems there and picked it up and found this one. lol Also the stuff in italics is...like...a conversation that happened in the past. C.C.'s haircut in this story is always modeled on Lauren Lane...hence also the new hair-cut. I know this all seems pretty "happily ever after" right now, but trust me, it isn't... as a matter of fact there'll be a major conflict in the following chapter...it's of great importance!On a private note: I got my first acceptance letter for the Master's degree I've applied for!:) Why yes, I'm very happy!:) Also this chapter is particularly dedicated to Lauren Lane and Daniel Davis who are doing "Celebrity Autobiography" together in Austin tonight and I WISH I could be there!**

**Disclaimer: The stuff that you recognise ain't mine ;)  
**

**Chapter 18:**

Absence, hear thou my protestation

Against thy strength

Distance, and length;

Do what thou canst for alteration:

For hearts of truest mettle

Absence doth join, and Time doth settle.

Who loves a mistress of such quality,

He soon hath found

Affection's ground

Beyond time, place, and all mortality.

To hearts that cannot vary

Absence is Present, Time doth tarry.

By absence this good means I gain,

That I can catch her,

Where none can watch her,

In some close corner of my brain:

There I embrace and kiss her;

And so I both enjoy and miss her.

Anon

The morning her daughter turned six C.C. Brightmore lay in bed reminiscing. She had been doing this for quite some time and had, therefore, left most of the negative memories behind. But that wasn't why the smallest of smiles was tugging at the corner of her mouth. No, this had been brought on by a more recent memory of the night after he daughter's very first party. C.C. had been left at home while Niles had dropped Samantha off at the kindergarten, functioning as her very own chauffeur. Afterwards the apartment had been filled with a quiet she couldn't handle, for her heart was with her daughter and her mind was with Niles. But her patience had been rewarded when Samantha had returned in the evening, a mischievous smile brightening her features.

_"Did you have a good time?" C.C. had asked, but Sam had simply continued to smile secretively. _

_Then, finally, she had burst out: "I kissed Dave!" _

_For a split second C.C. had understood what Maxwell must've felt when catching Maggie during her first kiss. The jealous tinge that was turning her emotions into chaos only lasted for a while, but it was enough for her to realise that Samantha was growing up rapidly and she couldn't do anything to stop that. _

_"What did he say?" she had forced herself to ask. _

_"Nothing, he was shocked." Sam answered, grinning from ear to ear "He was teasing me again and Niles told me if he does it I gotta shut him up, so I did."_

C.C. closed her eyes and smiled again...6 years old and already a first kiss.

Suddenly her bedroom door was flung open and her daughter bounded inside, jumping on the bed.

"Stop dreaming, mummy, it's my birthday!" she exclaimed and C.C. opened her eyes.

"Happy birthday, my love." she said, wrapping her daughter up in her arms.

"What are we gonna do today? Niles will come, won't he?"

"Yes," C.C. answered softly.

"Is he coming over for breakfast? Is he making a cake?"

"He will be here tonight."

"But why so late? I wanna spend the day with him."

"Because he's got a special surprise planned for you," C.C. told her confidentially and winked.

"Oooh, what is it?" Sam asked excitedly.

"You don't expect me to ruin the surprise, do you?"

"But mummy," Sam whined "I can't wait till tonight, that's too long."

"Well, would it help if I told you about the presents _I've _got for you?"

"I suppose," her daughter quietly said, but C.C. hadn't missed the spark of excitement she was now trying to hide.

"This afternoon your grandfather will come to visit and we will spend the day at Central Park."

"Grandpa is coming? Really?" Sam asked "But he hasn't been here before."

"I know, he's a very busy man. But today is your birthday and if that's not reason enough, I don't know what is."

"Anything else?" Sam probed carefully.

"Well, your hair is getting pretty long...and so is mine. So I booked us both an appointment at the hairdresser's. You can get your short hair cut now, if you still want it?"

Instead of replying directly, Samantha flung herself into C.C.'s arms, hugging her tight. "Thank you! That's the best present ever!"

* * *

"My hair feels strange," Sam commented for the umpteenth time, as they were walking back home from the hairdresser's.

Her curly blonde hair had been straightened and was so short now that it ended a couple of centimetres above her chin, curving slightly inwards. The thick hair that was now framing her face made it appear fuller but C.C. begrudgingly had to admit that it was quite becoming.

"I'm not complaining about the length." Sam continued, interpreting her mother's glances "I look nice, I'm just not used to it."

C.C. shrugged and smiled light-heartedly: "What am I supposed to say?"

Once again she caught sight of her reflection in one of the shop windows they passed and winced. Sick though she had been of her long grey hair, this new hair-cut certainly was different. It appeared even shorter than her daughter's for it was cut differently and she wondered if maybe she shouldn't have taken the risk.

"Mummy, can I change when we get home?" Samantha asked.

"Well, it's your birthday... you are supposed to look nice and pretty."

"But we're going to Central Park," Sam interrupted wearing a triumphant grin "and you always tell me to wear my worst jeans when we go there coz they'll only get dirty."

C.C. sighed and threw her hands up in defeat. "You've got a point...but I'm sure we'll find a compromise."

It turned out that it was C.C. in the end who was struggling more to find the right outfit. After all, this would be the first time after Sam's birth that she'd see her father. A part of her argued that it was his fault that he'd never found time and that it would, therefore, be absurd to wear a special outfit just for him. However, there was also that other part that wanted him to be proud of her. And in order to do that she had to open the door for him looking radiant and amazing in some kind of expensive outfit, instead of sporting the more comfortable clothes she now used to wear indoors.

"Mummy, do you think he'll really come?" Samantha's nervous voice drifted to her from across the hall.

"He better," C.C. murmured before replying aloud: "I'm sure he will, sweetie."

Turning her attention back to her image in the mirror, she decided that this particular outfit, too, needed to be discarded. She was just trying to open the zipper when the doorbell rang. C.C. cursed under her breath and tried to look at her watch only to see that her father, for the first time in his life, appeared to be early.

"Sam, can you get that please?"

"But mummy, I'm scared. You promised we'd do this together."

"I know, but sweetie I'm stuck...literally. Just open the door, he won't bite you."

Samantha sighed and nervously moistened her lips before hesitantly approaching the door. Standing up on her tip toes she reached the handle and pushed it down, but the opened door did not reveal her grandpa but rather an older woman she had never seen before. Her hair was completely white and her hands, which were folded above her stomach, were wrinkled. Yet her face was perfectly smooth and doll-like and her hair was neatly pulled up into a bun. Before the woman had uttered even a single word, Sam found herself in awe with her. There was something about her graceful yet confident posture and the light-blue eyes.

"Are you Samantha Claire?" she finally asked.

"Yup, that's me, but I'm only called Sam."

"Sam isn't a proper name for a lady though, don't you think?"

"Mmh," she shrugged "I don't mind and even if my name doesn't suggest it doesn't mean I dunno how to behave."

At this the old woman chuckled.

"Mummy's sorta busy right now, she's getting all worked up coz my grandpa's coming to visit. I haven't seen him before, but today's my birthday."

"That's quite alright," the old woman interrupted her ramblings gently "I won't be staying either. I was just wondering if maybe you could give this to your mother?" and she produced a crisp, white envelope.

Sam nodded and then cocked her head to one side, studying the woman intently. "What is it?"

"It's just a present, for the two of you and I hope your mother will accept it."

"I like presents," Sam commented, chewing her lips pensively.

"Well then, I won't keep you any longer. It's been lovely meeting you, Samantha, happy birthday!"

"Thanks, I'll tell mummy you came by, grandma."

At this the woman who had been about to walk away rapidly turned around, her light-blue eyes wide with surprise. Her lips were slightly parted and it seemed that she was struggling for words. Finally she merely closed her mouth again and stepped closer once more.

"You're very smart, a proper Babcock, your mother has done a wonderful job."

"She has," Sam agreed grinning "but I'm not a Babcock, silly, I'm a Brightmore."

B.B. Babcock was speechless for a minute, before she rested one of her hands again the little girl's cheek. "So I see and very proud."

"Of course," Sam replied happily.

"Goodbye!"

Samantha watched how the old woman gracefully rose to her feet and swiftly pushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear. But even her dignified posture didn't manage to hide the tears that were forming in her eyes.

"Don't be sad, grandma," she said, acting on an instinct and hugging the woman "you can always come and visit us again."

B.B. Babcock's lips quivered for a moment, before she cleared her throat and caught another falling tear with the thumb nail of her perfectly manicured fingers.

"Have a lovely day." she then said, managing a weak smile and turned around and left for good.

Samantha stared after her for quite a while, but when she heard her mother's footsteps, she closed the door, still holding the envelope in her hands.

"It wasn't grandpa," she explained once her mother was in sight and slipped into the kitchen where she placed the envelope on a counter.

"Then who was it?" C.C. asked but she didn't get an answer for at that exact moment the door bell rang again.

"Hello, kitten," Stuart Babcock greeted his daughter once the door was opened for him "you look wonderful!"

C.C. smiled and accepted his embrace, feeling as helpless and small as she always did when he was around. She wanted to let him know that his behaviour had been unacceptable, that he had missed all of her daughter's birthdays, but she couldn't.

"You must be the birthday girl," her father suddenly said and she turned around in time to see her daughter's blond head disappearing behind the counter.

"C'mon, Sam, you've been waiting for him all day." she coaxed and eventually Samantha emerged.

"Hello, Sir."sShe formally said, lowering her eyes.

"You don't have to be scared, Sammy, despite everything your mother might have told you, I don't bite." And he winked at her.

Sam finally perked up at this and risked a curious glance from her grandpa to her mother. "Do you have a present for me?" she bluntly asked and Stuart chuckled.

"Samantha Claire Brightmore, what have I told you before?"

"That it's rude to ask people for presents..." Sam voiced, rolling her eyes in annoyance.

"It's quite alright, your mother used to be the same when she was your age."

C.C. fixed him with an angry glare that only intensified when she caught her daughter sticking out her tongue.

"Shall we go to the park then?" Stuart hurriedly asked and Sam nodded excitedly.

The weather outside was warm and sunny and despite his age and his formal upbringing Stuart joined Samantha in a game of football. After a while when he had grown tired, he sat down on a blanket next to C.C. who was fishing in the picnic basket for some food.

"Have you heard anything from your mother?"

She stopped in her tracks to look him in the eye. "You're joking, right? I don't even want to hear from my mother, she doesn't care about Sam and me."

C.C. didn't notice the frown her daughter was wearing when she, too, sat down on the blanket.

"Maybe she's just been busy," Stuart offered.

"No, daddy, _you_ are busy. _She_ simply doesn't care. All she does is sit at Le Jeune Verde all day, getting her make-up done and hair fixed."

This, Samantha figured, wasn't exactly the right time to tell her about her grandma's visit.

In the end C.C. was quite grateful for Stuart's presence, because he took care of Samantha while she got dressed for the surprise party that was to follow. She smiled at the memory of when Niles had first mentioned the idea to her. He had been excited and almost nervous when asking her permission.

"Look, C.C., I don't know why you left California the way you did and it's not my place to comment, but I think Samantha really misses them. Could I invite them over here for her birthday, I'm sure they'd love to come!"

She had known, of course, that Niles was right and yet she had felt torn about contacting the Sheffields. The main reason was that it might complicate things further, that someone could let something slip but then she had thought about her daughter and that's when she had known that she couldn't refuse. She carefully eyed herself in the mirror and then finally decided that she approved of the outfit she had picked. Dressed in a black curve-hugging, halter neck pencil dress she looked a bit like the old self she had left behind, while the new hair-cut and her bare feet clearly indicated that she had changed. For a couple of minutes she rifled through her jewellery boxes but then decided not to wear a necklace. However, there was a particular piece of jewellery that she hadn't been able to get out of her mind ever since that night she and Niles had danced. And almost as if by themselves her fingers found their way to the secret compartment that was situated underneath one of the larger boxes. The cold metal touched her skin but it was the sharp edge of paper that made her withdraw her fingers. There, in the vastness of the box lay the two things that bound her to Niles. Taking a deep breath she carefully reached out again and extracted her wedding ring and the other item. Closing her hand around the gold ring, she slowly opened the small piece of paper and read the words that were barely legible: "I love you." As simple as that. And it hadn't changed, his feelings nor her feelings and at that moment all she wanted was to be with him again. Stowing the paper away in the box again she then slowly lowered the ring to her finger. Maybe if she gave him a sign...

"Mummy, grandpa has to go and Niles will be here any second. Are you ready?" Samantha asked, barging inside the room.

"Yes," C.C. quietly said, her voice a little raspy "yes, I'm still not so sure about my hair though."

"Relax! Niles will love it, trust me." Her daughter cheekily said and winked at her before disappearing again.

Yet despite her reassurance C.C. jumped when the doorbell rang. Upon entering the living room she found that her father had already left and shrugged, some things never changed. But her attention was immediately drawn to the door where her daughter stood, grinning excitedly.

"Niiiles!" she exclaimed, jumping up into his arms.

He chuckled warmly and pecked her cheek while lifting her into a more comfortable position. "Happy Birthday, little girl."

"Hey, I'm not that little anymore." she protested, pouting at him.

"Alright, alright, I give in." he conceded, laughing heartily.

"Where's my surprise, Niles?" she asked, trying to peek over his shoulder.

"Are you sure you're ready?" he asked, slowly letting her back down to the floor.

"Yes, show me!" she demanded.

"Close your eyes for a second," he instructed and surprisingly Samantha complied. Instead of turning around though he used the moment to look at C.C. She smiled shyly at him, self-conscious for the first time and very aware of how ridiculous she was being. It almost felt as if they were on an unofficial first date: the nerves, the gestures, the nice clothes. And speaking of clothes, she had a rather hard time taking her eyes off him, clad as he was in black dress pants and a tight-fitting burgundy knitted jumper.

"Can we come in, or what?" Fran's nasal voice pierced the silence and thus ruined the surprise for Samantha.

"Aunty Fran?" she excitedly asked and opened her eyes.

And a moment later the apartment was abuzz with greetings, mingled voices and footsteps.

"Wh-what are you doing here?" Samantha finally managed, still staring at Fran, Maxwell and the twins, completely overwhelmed.

"Well, Niles and your mum invited us and we wouldn't miss your birthday, honey." Fran explained, using the opportunity to place another kiss on Sam's cheek.

"You're so tall," Eve commented "almost taller than him."

Jonah rolled his eyes when both girls grinned at him proudly. Almost at once the kids went off and played at a corner in the living room, because for them it was as if nothing had changed. Fran stood and watched them, while Maxwell and Niles started to prepare some food in the kitchen and C.C. put on some music. When she couldn't put it off any longer, she returned to Fran's side and waited nervously for the lecture that was sure to come.

"It's alright, C.C., you don't have to explain." Fran finally said, glancing sideways at the blond "Well, at least not now." And she let out her honking laughed and nudged her in the ribs.

C.C. chuckled and then turned around to face the brunette. "For what it's worth, I've missed you." she quietly said, unable to look Fran in the eye "But if you tell anyone I said that I'll kill you."

"Now that's more like it," Fran commented and put one finger under C.C.'s chin to force her to look at her "I'm glad this hasn't been taken from you."

"Cheese cracker?" Maxwell offered, who had approached without any of them noticing.

"There better be more than that." Fran criticised and piling up as many as she could in her hand, left them alone.

"C.C., I just wanted you to know that Samantha is an amazing kid. She's confident and happy and blossoming." he complimented and C.C. smiled.

"It's good to see that," she agreed.

"Look, I know Fran and I were giving you a hard time about becoming a mother. Quite frankly, we doubted your abilities in those first months. But ever since Samantha's born you have proven us wrong. You are strong willed and passionate and we were fools to ever doubt you."

Normally C.C. wouldn't have willingly accepted those words, at least not without a snide come-back. But tonight she felt differently, be it because of her daughter's birthday or the reunion. But she saw that this hadn't been an easy thing for Maxwell to say and so she gently squeezed his hand and replied: "Thank you, Maxwell, that means an awful lot to me."

Niles quietly observed the scene from the back of the room, not even noticing Fran until she put one arm around him.

"What are ya looking so glum about, Scarecrow? Your surprise was a great success."

"I know Fran," he softly answered "I just cannot believe that I've missed this all these years because I left them."

"You're here now, Niles, make the most of it. Don't spend all your time musing about the past, make the right decisions now. C.C. loves you, Samantha adores you...all you have to do is tell them how you feel. Don't waste anymore time!"

Niles nodded silently and watched as she slipped away to dance with her husband. Then his eyes found Samantha who was sword fighting with Jonah and being cheered on by Eve.

"Are those tears in your eyes, Butler Boy?" a deep voice said and brought an involuntary smile to his face.

"Maybe," he said.

"I think you're getting weak," she mocked, though knowing the feelings raging inside him.

"She's growing up so fast," he quietly whispered "and I can't change that...I'm just afraid that I'll miss more."

And try though he might he couldn't prevent the tears that were moistening his deep-blue eyes.

"I doubt that you'll ever miss anything again." C.C. gently said and tenderly rubbed his back "You love her too much."

"I do," he agreed and felt how her hand slid down his arm and hesitated just above his hand.

"She's so beautiful and passionate and special, can you imagine what she'll be like in ten years time?"

"Probably a little terror," C.C. replied, laughing.

But the lightness of the mood changed when she felt his hand taking hold of hers and his thumb slowly caressing her skin. Surely he had to feel her wedding ring just as clearly as she felt his, seeing as she wore it on the wrong hand.

"You are remarkable, do you know that?" he eventually asked, turning around, his deep-blue eyes finding hers.

"Why do I expect to hear an insult any moment now?" she joked nervously.

"Sssh, C.C.," he calmly said, lifting his free hand to touch her cheek "no more insults. I can't help but tell you how beautiful your new hair-cut looks."

"Niles!" Maxwell called at that precise moment and he tore his eyes away from C.C. in time to see Fran slapping him hard on the shoulder.

"I'm sorry." she then mouthed to him and he chuckled softly.

"I think it's time for the cake," he explained to C.C. and gave her hand one more squeeze before leaving her side.

"Sam, Eve, Jonah, settle down for a moment. Niles is bringing the cake!" C.C. told them and moved over to the couch to make space.

Maxwell dimmed the lights and Fran took pictures of Sam's awestruck face as Niles carried in the biggest castle cake, complete with knights and princesses, one had ever seen.

"Whoa, that's massive! Did you really make that yourself?" she asked incredulously.

"Of course," he replied grinning proudly.

"I love you, Niles." Sam exclaimed and threw herself into his arms, nearly knocking the cake over.

"I love you too." he replied, his eyes glued to C.C.


	19. Chapter 19

**Hi guys!:) I felt so bad for keeping you waiting that long that this chapter got done in my usual time AND it's as long as the last!;) Anyways, there's a bit of trouble going on in this, but it also gets resolved, making room for the final chapter that I will get to you asap!;) Thanks to those of you who are still reading and reviewing this, it means a lot!:)**

**Disclaimer: Everything you recognise doesn't belong to me!**

**Chapter 19:**

Tears, idle tears, I know not what they mean,  
Tears from the depth of some divine despair  
Rise in the heart, and gather to the eyes,  
In looking on the happy Autumn-fields,  
And thinking of the days that are no more.

Fresh as the first beam glittering on a sail,  
That brings our friends up from the underworld,  
Sad as the last which reddens over one  
That sinks with all we love below the verge;  
So sad, so fresh, the days that are no more.

Ah, sad and strange as in dark summer dawns  
The earliest pipe of half-awakened birds  
To dying ears, when unto dying eyes  
The casement slowly grows a glimmering square;  
So sad, so strange, the days that are no more.

Dear as remembered kisses after death,  
And sweet as those by hopeless fancy feigned  
On lips that are for others; deep as love,  
Deep as first love, and wild with all regret;  
O Death in Life, the days that are no more!

Alfred Lord Tennyson

C.C. watched Niles as he effortlessly moved around the kitchen. She had always admired his ability to fit in and it was clear that every kitchen, however different, was his domain. Ever since Samantha had started primary school he had been over to cook dinner for them, enabling her to have some valuable free time with her daughter. It had been difficult for mother and daughter alike to adjust to that new change which included spending less time together, however, Samantha had quickly learned to deal with it. Quicker, almost, than C.C. would've liked though she couldn't begrudge her daughter the ease with which she seemed to make friends. Yet Sam's strong need for a family to come home to had persisted and so Niles had come up with the ingenious dinner idea. Truth be told, she was actually quite glad about this particular arrangement because they hadn't spoken about what had almost happened at Sam's birthday party and the dinner deal provided a wonderful alibi for them to spend time together.

"I can't believe that you've taken time off." Niles commented from the kitchen and drew her out of her reverie "Are you sure you won't secretly arrange for scripts to be send here?"

C.C. chuckled and, glass of wine in hand, rose to her feet to join him in the kitchen.

"Secretly? Hardly! These are all plays that have already been sent to me, and I haven't touched any of them." she explained, pointing at the counter that was filled with unopened mail.

Niles risked a glance in her direction while chopping the vegetables and grinned. "Are you sure you're not tempted?"

Well, C.C. Babcock was certainly tempted, if also not by the mail that kept stacking up. But even the mere thought, the mental acknowledgment in her head was enough to make her blush furiously. Damn Niles and his intoxicating scent and nearness.

"Trust me, Butler Boy, I can resist." she said, trying to pass it off as a nonchalant response, for she had noticed his curious look.

Nonetheless this didn't stop her from walking over to him and stealing a piece of pepper while her body firmly rested against his.

"I know you, Babs, you will give in in the end." Niles said in a low voice and caught her hand before she could move away.

Excruciatingly slowly he lifted it to his lips and allowed a tender kiss to graze her knuckles. C.C. shivered involuntarily and marvelled how his eyes shone even brighter than her golden marriage band.

"Mummy, can Niles sleep here tonight?" Sam asked, trudging into the kitchen, completely absorbed in a book.

She had been like this ever since she had learned to read properly. Now all she wanted to do was read and write, get stories told and write them herself. Niles, sensing C.C.'s tension although Samantha hadn't noticed anything, released her hand and earned a grateful smile.

"I don't know, Sam." C.C. said, feeling annoyance at the hoarseness of her tone.

"Please, it's the weekend tomorrow and now that I'm at school I only see him for dinner and then I have to go to bed."

"Alright," C.C. finally conceded, not really against the whole idea, more afraid of the events that might unfold "if Niles isn't too old to spend a night on the couch?"

"He could sleep in my bed!" Sam offered instantly and Niles laughed.

"Don't worry, ladies, I'm not that old yet."

"Just you wait and see how your back feels in the morning." C.C. teased and he glared at her.

After dinner they had all settled down on the sofa, Niles at one end, C.C. at the other and Sam sprawled out between them, her head resting in C.C.'s lap and her feet on Niles'.

"That cake you made was amazing." she told him and he never tired of hearing it "Do you ever win prizes for the food you make?"

"No, not really."

"Well, you should," she mumbled sleepily, yawning in the process.

"I think you better go to bed, mmh?" C.C. suggested, lovingly stroking her daughter's hair.

"I'm not tired," Sam contradicted steadfastly, though her words were getting more and more slurred.

"I don't know where she gets her stubbornness from." C.C. sighed.

Niles merely cocked and eyebrow in doubt and that gesture alone was enough to cause C.C. to break into laughter. "It's always the mother, isn't it?" she then commented and Niles gave her his best boyish grin.

"Actually, I did sort of...win a prize." he quietly said after a while.

"What for?"

"It's not a prize per se, but my catering business got featured in the paper."

And he carefully extracted it from his trouser pocket, trying not to wake Sam up. C.C. opened the article and was instantly faced with Niles' twinkling blue eyes that were smiling up at her from the newspaper. It appeared that a food critic had given him a rave review, which in itself was rare in the catering business.

"Congratulations!" she said, smiling proudly at him "You deserve this, your food is and always has been fantastic!"

"Thank you, though I wouldn't have managed any of this without the wonderful people I work with." he said humbly.

"Shouldn't you be saving that speech for an actual occasion?" she mocked, hoping that he wouldn't take it personally.

"Alright, Babcock, you wanna play rough? You know I won't back down." he retorted and C.C. closed her eyes, a content smile playing on her lips.

In moments like this it felt that her heart was ready to burst with happiness, an exhilarating sensation so strong she could practically feel it rushing through her veins. Niles watched her, drank in her relaxed posture and wondered when he'd find the courage to tell her how he felt. It was incredibly really how this could still be so hard for him, they were still married, after all. But he was scared, terrified that the tiniest step forward would create a gap between them, that maybe he was pushing her again and so he said:

"I think it's time for bed, for all of us."

C.C. opened her eyes and nodded. "Ok, I'll get your things and you can bring Sam to bed."

Niles carefully lifted Samantha's feet off his lap and then got up. Slowly, with C.C.'s help, he proceeded to lift the girl up into his arms. She instinctively clung on to him as he jiggled her about to rest in a more comfortable position.

"G'night, Niles." she muttered as he carried her into her bedroom and gently laid her down on the bed.

"Good night, sweetheart, sleep well." he replied, covering her body with a blanket.

Upon his return to the living room C.C. still seemed to be busy getting his duvet and so he slipped off his shoes and took off his pants and placed them on the floor. He had just undone the first button of his dress shirt when C.C. entered the living room. To an outsider her faltering would have been unnoticeable, yet to Niles her sudden halt which had stopped her graceful movements for a split second was blatantly obvious. Her light-blue eyes that had flickered from his hand unbuttoning the shirt to his boxers also hadn't escaped him, neither had the light blush that was, once again, creeping across her face.

"I'll go down to the shop early tomorrow morning so I can make breakfast for you two." he tried to bridge the awkward silence.

"What are you? The male equivalent to a stepford wife?" C.C. asked, laughing again.

"In your words: "Once a butler, always a butler."" he commented and helped her spread out the sheet over the couch.

When they were finished C.C. dropped the pillow and duvet on it as well and stepped closer to Niles.

"Good night, Butler Boy." she softly said, reaching out to run her fingertips over his cheek.

Unable to leave it at that, however, she soon rested the palm of her hand against it and nearly moaned when Niles placed his on top of hers, closing his eyes.

"Good night, brunette." he finally replied, their eyes locking.

"Swine," she whispered in a low voice.

"Chicken," he purred and C.C. felt the same chill she had experienced all these years ago.

Reluctantly she tore herself away, knowing that it was necessary though if she wanted to regain some composure.

* * *

The next morning Samantha was the first one to be awake. She quietly snuck into the living room and smiled when she found Niles fast asleep on the sofa.

"Can I come shopping for breakfast with you?" she whispered but he only grunted in response. "Niles?" she tried again but he didn't react. "Alright then, you sleep some more." She finally conceded and placed a brief kiss on his forehead.

A little bit lost and completely bored she looked around the room until her eyes fell on the newspaper article that lay discarded on the table. Her attention peaked upon recognising Niles' face in the picture she picked it up and began to read. She was halfway through the article when something finally struck her. _"Niles Brightmore famous for running a catering business..." _Brightmore. Her heart missed a beat before she, quick as a flash, stormed into her mother's bedroom.

"What's going on?" C.C. asked, rubbing her eyes, still groggy from sleep.

"Niles is my dad, isn't he?" Sam asked excitedly, sitting down on the bed by her mother's feet.

Still processing all the information thrown at her C.C.'s stomach lurched dangerously when she finally took in her daughter's words.

"What makes you say that?" she asked shakily and hated how insecure she sounded.

"This article. His name is Brightmore, Niles Brightmore. I'm a Brightmore!"

"Samantha, put that back on the table and stop talking such nonsense." C.C. instructed, unable to handle the situation.

But she was instantly aware that she was employing the wrong tactic, for her daughter's face darkened and the stubborn frown appeared again.

"No, I won't, not until you've answered my question. Is Niles my father or not? I've never asked this before and I've always been curious, I think I deserve an answer!"

"No, Sam, I'm not." A quiet voice said from the doorway.

"But-but, your surname is Brightmore!" Samantha persisted, tears pooling in her eyes.

"Baby, many people have the same surname." C.C. tried again.

"Chastity, she deserves the truth," Niles seriously said and C.C. turned her head away. "I'm not your father, but the reason we share the same surname is because your mother and I are married."

"Don't," C.C. whispered, her nails digging into the sheets.

"That doesn't make any sense. Mum and you knew each other...but...you weren't there when I was born...we only met you two years ago...how can you be married?"

Once again reminded of the truth by her daughter's words C.C.'s hurt rose to the surface. "You wanted her to know the truth, Niles. Why don't you answer her question then? It should be simple enough! If we are married, why did you abandon us?"

The coldness of her tone cut through the silence and the pain in her eyes was enough to physically hurt him. Samantha sat on the bed between them, silently crying.

"I don't understand, why would you leave us?" she whispered.

"Trust me, I didn't want to leave you."

"Now now, Niles, you better stick to the truth." C.C. said cruelly.

"It wasn't an easy decision and you know that." he said firmly, only looking at her now.

"Oh, of course, that changes everything now." she said sarcastically "That explains why you are trying to tell my daughter that you were some kind of martyr."

"Samantha, go to your room." Niles calmly told her and she silently fled the room.

Closing the door behind her, Niles turned to face C.C. once more. "I am so sick of this!" he exclaimed.

"Excuse me? You are complaining to _me?"_ she yelled, her voice rising in pitch.

"Yes, I am. I am so tired of you constantly changing your mind. One moment you are screaming at me and the next you get my hopes up."

"That wasn't my intention," C.C. replied, but not showing any regret either.

"Then why are you wearing your wedding ring? Why were you touching me like this last night?" he demanded to know.

"Stop it! I don't want to hear it!" she yelled, closing her eyes and trying to block out his voice.

"Sam had a right to know the facts," Niles quietly said.

"That might be true, but you had no right to tell her! As a matter of fact, you have no rights whatsoever where my daughter is concerned!"

"But I'm a part of her life now." Niles insisted.

"I want you leave, Niles." C.C. ordered coldly but he didn't budge an inch.

"I won't, not until you've told me once and for all what you're thinking!"

C.C. clenched and unclenched her fists, rose to her feet and began to furiously pace up and down the room. He was making her so angry that she had difficulty to control her urge to punch him.

"I said I wanted you to leave!" she repeated and let out a frustrated groan when he merely laughed.

"I'm sick and tired of you bottling things up, C.C. Now tell me what it is you wanted to tell me ever since we've met again."

"You want to know?" she asked, her voice dangerously low.

"Yes." he said, not intimidated.

"I hate you, Niles Brightmore!" she screamed loudly.

The silence that followed was so intense that even the soft changing of weight from one foot to the other seemed thunderous. When she finally looked up and noticed the expression on his face, she realised that she would be unable to ever forget it. She had hit him hard, almost to complete destruction and yet she felt no pride.

"I hate you for doing this to me. You've fought so hard to win me in the first place, so why would you leave when things got harder?" she questioned.

The laugh that left his lips was devoid of emotion and simply drenched with bitterness. "When things got harder? Now that's an understatement. I've told you before, but you don't seem to believe me. When I found out that Samantha wasn't my daughter I was certain I'd lose you, that you'd never stay with me. C.C., you are a remarkable woman, beautiful, successful, rich...You could have every man you wanted, you only had to open your eyes. That you loved me, that you married me seemed impossible..."

"It's true that I'm wealthy and successful," she softly voiced "but I'm also stubborn and complicated and blunt. I won't be dominated by anyone, especially not by a man, so my chances were limited. But you knew that, you knew me from the beginning and yet you loved me..."

Her voice broke at that point and the tears that had been collecting in her eyes finally spilled over.

"Of course I do." he gently said "But maybe I shouldn't have pushed you that night...when I told you to examine your future."

"I'm glad you did, Niles. No other man would've had the courage to say these things. I had not realised what you meant to me until that night when I found you on the couch and I felt dizzy with relief, grateful to be able to see you one last time. That's when I knew."

Despite of the previous harsh words and the quiet rumble of the storm that hadn't completely disappeared, her eyes were soft and warm.

"But I cannot forgive you for leaving us," she finally said in barely more than a whisper "and I don't think that I ever will."

Niles felt quite certain that his heart was ready to break at that moment, yet he forced himself to say: "And I have to accept that. I will go now, I'll just say goodbye to Sam. You can give her the explanation she deserves."

His resigned tone and slumped shoulders brought tears to her eyes once again, but she hurriedly wiped them away. Closing her eyes she took deep, calming breaths, attempting to feel less faint.

"C.C.?" his panic-stricken voice made all her efforts useless "Sam isn't in her room. She's gone!"

"No!" she yelped, running into her daughter's room to confirm with her own eyes what Niles had told her. "We shouldn't have fought, she must have gotten scared," she then muttered, frantically searching the room.

"C.C., she isn't here." Niles firmly stated, striding over to her and placing his hands on her shoulder "Now think, where could she have run to?"

His presence and the fact that he was now appeared relatively composed served to calm her.

"Central Park," she finally breathed "her favourite spot. Maybe I'll find her there."

"Ok, good," Niles praised, squeezing her shoulders "you go there and I'll stay here should she return. But be careful C.C., I'm sure we'll find her."

She nodded and ran out to grab her keys before exiting the apartment completely. After she was gone Niles half-wished he hadn't offered to stay behind because doing nothing was driving him insane. The ticking of the clock was beginning to annoy him after a while and he was glad when an idea finally occurred to him. He went over to the kitchen counter and picking up C.C.'s phone, he dialled a number.

"Oh George, good. It's Niles here, listen, could you please go to my apartment and wait there for a while? Sam's run away and C.C. and I don't know where she is. Thank you, thank you so much! And please tell the others to keep an eye out for a young girl. Thanks, I'll owe you! Bye!"

With these two places covered he then resigned himself to waiting again. Another half an hour later C.C. breezed through the door, looking dishevelled and cold.

"She wasn't there," she said, seemingly collected despite her shaky voice.

"I called George and he's helping too. Any other idea?"

"No, maybe we should call the police." C.C. suggested, sitting down on the couch.

"Let's wait another hour, I'll get you a glass of water, you look very pale."

And he quickly strode into the kitchen to get her that drink. As he stood on his tip-toes to reach the cupboard above the counter, his eyes fell on an envelope that had been carelessly ripped open. Forgetting all about the glass for a second, he picked it up and read the letter that was stuffed inside. 4

"Dear Chastity, you will find a cheque attached that will pay for all the school and college fees your daughter might have to face in the future. I have also included some bills so you can buy her a birthday present. You know where to find me should you ever require help. Your mother."

The letter still in hand he returned to the living room.

"When did your mother come to visit?" he asked.

"She hasn't...she's never been here. What makes you say that?"

"I found this letter by all your mail. It was opened, but the bills are missing."

"Sam must've taken them and gone to her." C.C. said, after having scanned the letter.

"But it doesn't say an address! Does she know where your mother lives?"

"No, but it's the only possibility we've got left, Niles."

He nodded in agreement and grabbed their coats. "Let's go then!"

The penthouse her mother owned was as huge and extravagant as the woman who lived in it.

"I swear, if she has anything to do with this." C.C. growled, balling her fists.

"Let's just wait and see," Niles soothingly said, resting his hand on top of hers "B.B. will hardly have kidnapped her."

C.C. smiled at him weakly and suddenly realised how glad she was that he was by her side. After having knocked several times, a butler appeared by the door, looking stuffy and perfect.

"Hello, Miss, how can I help you?"

"I need to see my mother, Bentley." C.C. said impatiently.

"Certainly, I will fetch her." The butler said and closed the door.

A couple of minutes later the door was opened again and B.B. Babcock's blue eyes were fixing them.

"Chastity, what a surprise! And you brought the butler!"

"We know you have Sam," C.C. pressed through gritted teeth.

"Now now, child, don't talk like that. Samantha came to me. I was just enjoying a perfectly normal day when I got a phone call from Le Jeune Verde. Imagine my surprise when I was told that my granddaughter was there wanting to see me. It appears you and the butler have been fighting, so she came to me to seek comfort."

"I want to see my daughter _now._" C.C. demanded but B.B. made no attempt to let her inside.

"You heard her, we're here to pick up Samantha." Niles repeated.

"You're not the father," B.B. coldly said.

Niles merely fixed her with an icy stare and carelessly pushed past her. After a while of searching he found Samantha in a deserted room, lying on a bed, crying.

"You scared us half to death, Samantha." he quietly sad, approaching the bed.

The girl didn't even look up but merely buried her face in the pillows.

"How did you even know where to find your grandma?" he asked.

"Oh, that was simple," Sam finally said "She came to visit on my birthday and gave me the envelope. I wanted to tell mummy but then I heard her talk to grandpa how grandma doesn't care and that she spends all her time at Le Jeune Verde...so today I took the money and found a cab and drove there."

"You're too smart for your own good," Niles commented gently.

"What do you want here? You're not my dad." Sam suddenly said, sitting up in bed, her back turned to Niles.

The remark hurt him, even though he'd seen it coming. "I owe you an explanation, if you still want to hear it?"

Samantha shrugged but Niles was certain that she needed to know.

"I met your mother when she started working for the Sheffields. I was a butler back then and as such we were natural enemies, you see, your mother had been brought up believing that certain gaps in stations were a given and that people of different stations couldn't be friends. Nonetheless I fell in love with her and eventually, she with me. But it was complicated and I wasted too much time because I was a coward. Then, just after we'd been married we found out that C.C. was pregnant, it was the happiest day of my life. We moved to California with Maxwell and Fran and lived in the house you grew up in. A couple of weeks later your mother was experiencing stomach pains and was rushed to the hospital. That's when the doctor told us that she was much further on in her pregnancy. While we were glad that you were ok, this sadly meant that I wasn't the father, because I hadn't been with your mother for such a long time. It shocked us both and was so difficult because no-one was at fault. And then I did something I'll regret for the rest of my life, I left you and C.C."

"Because you didn't love me," Sam said sullenly.

"No, because I was afraid I might not be able to...I didn't want you to get attached and not be able to give you the love you deserved. But I was a fool..."

"Did you ever think about me and mummy?" the girl quietly asked.

"All the time, there wasn't a moment I didn't regret my decision."

"Good." Samantha said firmly and strongly reminded him of C.C. again.

They remained quiet for a long time and Niles wondered whether to leave her to her own thoughts when she suddenly spoke up again.

"Do you love mummy and I?"

"More than you know." he warmly said and smiled when Sam leaned her back against his.

"Hey, sweetie," C.C. whispered and gave both of them a watery smile.

"Mum, I didn't mean to worry you." Samantha apologised as C.C. stepped closer.

Niles quietly rose to his feet and left to give them some privacy. Once the door was closed behind him he allowed himself to cry.

"My granddaughter likes you a lot, servant." B.B. Babcock said, who was observing him from the end of the corridor.

"Good, I love her too." he replied unblinking.

B.B. returned his stare, disdain crinkling her nose.

"You better make sure you don't disappoint her again." she then said.

"I won't," he promised and as she was about to turn around added "and thank you for making sure she was safe. Sam likes you very much."

It was unnoticeable but for a second he could've sworn to see a shadow of a smile flickering over her face before she walked away. A moment later the door behind him opened and Samantha and C.C. appeared.

"I'm tired, Niles, can you carry me to the car?" she asked, batting her eyes.

"It's the least I can do." he muttered and lifted her up into his arms.

Sam happily wrapped her arms around his neck and smiled when she saw that her mother took of his hand, intertwining their fingers.


	20. Chapter 20

**Oh my gosh, this is really happening. This is the last official chapter for "Again and Again", with only the Epilogue left to write. I can't believe that I have nearly finished another of my big projects...I actually don't have an idea for a new project at all at the moment, so I'll just stick to finishing "The Accident" with beMMADfabulous and writing "Catching Teardrops" with Ashton. ;) If any of you have any ideas concerning a Niles/ C.C. story please let me know. I'd like to have a big project again. ;) This chapter is supposedly romantic as indicated by the rather famous Shakespeare sonnet- and let's face it, those 2 deserve it. You will probably want to kill me at the end though... lol and even more coz I gotta tell you that the Epilogue won't be published till next week as I'm visiting my friend in Edinburgh over the weekend ;) But things will be ok and maybe I'll write an "M" finish too...depending, obviously, on whether or not you want me to!;) But now enjoy and read and review, please!:)**

**Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine, only Sam is and I love her!^^  
**

**Chapter 20:**

Let me not to the marriage of true minds  
Admit impediments. Love is not love  
Which alters when it alteration finds,  
Or bends with the remover to remove:

O no! it is an ever-fixed mark  
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;  
It is the star to every wandering bark,  
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks  
Within his bending sickle's compass come:  
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,  
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

If this be error and upon me proved,  
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

William Shakespeare

Niles smiled at his reflection in the mirror as he was nervously adjusting his tie. A couple of weeks ago his decision had seemed a good one, but now he wasn't so sure anymore if a formal occasion was really right for him and C.C. The only advantage was, of course, that he did look quite sharp in a tux. Making sure that his hair was combed neatly and just the way he wanted it (he had never spent as much time on his appearance before) he checked that he had the tickets and the flowers and was out of the door. Originally he had intended to rent a limo but it wasn't her anymore and it certainly wasn't him and so he took the subway as he would've done on any other ordinary day. A little bit later as his train rumbled into motion he tried not to think about how this one evening could possibly change his life forever and so instead he dwelt in the past.

"_Niles!"she called him, just as he was reaching the door. _

_"Yes?" he asked, turning around to face her. _

_He hadn't meant to sneak out like that, but with Sam back at home where she belonged and yet again so many new things unsaid between him and C.C., he hadn't known what else to do. _

_"I will say this only once," she continued, sounding rather serious "because you told me you were sick of me bottling things up." _

_"C.C., it was said in the heat of the argument," he began but she held up her hand and stopped him. _

_"Right now I don't want you to go. Because Sam and I are both afraid that if you walk out of that door you won't return again." _

_He opened his mouth to say something but she stopped him once more. _

_"And if you were really intending to do that, and that would make you an idiot, I would get over it because with Samantha in my life I have a task to do, something that will always keep me going. But I'd miss you, you grumpy old maid! Because today I realised...when Sam ran away...how glad I was not to be on my own. Of course I would've managed it somehow, I would've found her...but your presence alone was so comforting." _

"Mummy, stop messing about with your hair! It's short, there's nothing you can do and Niles likes it. He'll be here in a minute and you aren't ready!" Samantha scolded, standing in the doorway, hands on her hips.

"I'm nearly done, he'll just have to wait." C.C. replied and, making sure her daughter was out of sight, pressed a hand to her racing heart.

Of course she wasn't as collected as she let on. It didn't help either that she kept getting lost in memories but she was powerless...the past few weeks had simply been overwhelming.

_She smiled when he took one careful step towards her as if he was about to hug her. But just before he touched her he seemed to change his mind and nervously ran a hand through his hair. _

_"I wasn't going to disappear," he promised her "but there is something I have been meaning to ask you and while now might not be the most convenient time...I mean, it certainly wasn't planned..." _

_"You're rambling, Butler Boy." C.C. gently said and was faced with his rare, disarmingly shy smile. _

_"They are performing "Swan Lake" at the MET in two weeks time and I was wondering if you might like to accompany me?" _

_Her heart was a cheerful little traitor as it pounded heavily in her chest. And so, or maybe because of that, she let the silence last a little longer. _

_"Couldn't find anyone else to go with you?" she finally teased, smiling at him brilliantly. _

_"Oh please, Babs, I could always find someone else." he shot back and grinned as well. _

_This was their natural territory, this was safe and yet both of them knew that what they were really discussing wasn't safe at all. This would be a date, the moment where they'd have to openly acknowledge the feelings they still had for each other._

Niles would always remember the silence as being longer, for the one who waits has drawn the hardest fate. And in return C.C. would always remember his demeanour as being more shy and nervous. But even though their perception was slightly different from the truth this moment would always remain perfect in its own right.

The doorbell rang just as C.C. had clipped on her earrings. Taking a deep breath she rose to her feet and joined Sam in the living room and found that she was already letting Niles in.

"You look very beautiful tonight," he complimented quietly, quickly brushing his lips against her cheek.

"You don't look too bad yourself." C.C. replied stiffly.

"Mummy!" Samantha said angrily "I think he looks very handsome."

"Maybe I should take_ you_ to the ballet then." Niles said, grinning cheekily at C.C.

"Let's just go," C.C. said, feigning annoyance.

"At least she's got taste", Niles continued, enjoying the feeling that they could still tease each other.

"Enjoy yourselves!" Samantha called, waving at them "And remember what I told you, mum!"

"What did she tell you?" Niles inquired, raising an eyebrow and smiling at her curiously as they walked to the elevator.

"Still nosy as ever I see," C.C. said without answering his question.

Both of them smiled as they left the building behind and walked through Central Park to reach the MET. Niles found it hard to believe that two years ago he had been at this very spot to meet a date and had instead found C.C. again.

"Two years, huh?" she voiced what he was thinking, as they stopped at the fountain.

"Yes," his tone was gentle.

"I hated you so much that first night when you suddenly appeared. You seemed to carefree and Sam just loved you."

"Trust me, I was anything but," he replied honestly "I don't think I have ever been so nervous in my life. Though tonight certainly rivals those feelings."

"You're nervous?" she asked.

"Yes, of course I am."

He half expected her to hug him, or to utter anything that was close to comfort but instead she just broke into laughter.

"Good, then I am definitely going to enjoy myself tonight." And she headed off towards the opera house cackling evilly.

"Witch," he murmured under his breath so that he didn't have to admit what her throaty laugh still did to him.

Their seats were in the first row of the second tier and they both enjoyed a glass of champagne, waiting for the lights to dim. And just as it had happened two years ago, he once again found himself distracted. He tried to focus on the stage but more than anything he caught himself looking at her. After having removed the black scarf that she had wrapped around her shoulders to keep the cold at bay, she had exposed her silky skin to him. His eyes moved from her face, down her neck and to her collarbone and it was only because he was watching her that he noticed she was shivering.

"Are you cold?" he whispered and smiled as she trembled again, this time knowing what had caused it.

"No, it's just the music." she replied.

With great effort he tore himself away from her and listened to the waltz that was being performed. It was just reaching its climax and he knew that she was afraid of the overwhelming tumbling down that was to follow. Suddenly confident again he reached for her hand and intertwined their fingers. It was as if they took the plunge together and as the music hurtled towards its grand finale he felt a dizzying sensation in his stomach and , glancing over at C.C., he noticed that she had her eyes closed.

"I love that piece," she said after a while, her blue eyes bright with excitement.

He nodded, indescribably happy that she was still holding his hand.

When the ballet was over C.C. and Niles were among the first couples to exit the building. They came to a sudden stop, however, when they noticed the heavy downpour.

"We could just wait a while?" C.C. suggested but Niles nervously checked his watch.

"I'm afraid we can't, there's something else I have planned. Come with me." And he led her back into the opera house.

Pushing against the crowd of people their progress was slow, but eventually they were back in the auditorium.

"Put that under your dress," Niles instructed, handing her one of the red cushions.

"Are you crazy?" she hissed "What if someone notices?"

"Just pretend you're pregnant. Or are you too chicken?" he challenged.

Unable to help himself he chuckled when she glared at him and stuffed the cushion under her dress.

"Come along, Butler Boy." she then ordered in a tone that could only be described as "proper Babcock".

When they had finally left the opera house behind and ran through the rain, C.C. holding the cushion above her head, they were crying with laughter.

"This is the craziest thing I have ever done!" C.C. managed, fighting the urge to clutch her sides.

"Well, you are with me." Niles replied, giving her his crooked grin.

It was at that exact moment as they were standing in the rain facing each other that C.C. realised she loved him. It was unbearable and almost painful yet she wanted nothing more than to tell him.

"We're nearly there," he finally said and took hold of her hand again.

She carefully used her other to balance the cushion as they raced across a pretty deserted street until they came to a standstill in front of a darkened building.

"Sonia's ice cream parlour?" C.C. questioned confusedly.

"Yes, I've been talking to Sam about her love for travelling. And after a while we talked about your favourite holiday locations when she mentioned Italy. She said you always complained that you couldn't find decent, originally Italian ice-cream in New York, so here we are."

"But the place is closed," C.C. commented, noting the obvious.

"Come on," Niles simply said and moved towards the door.

"Niles, this is breaking and entering." C.C. hissed, wondering if he had gone completely mad.

"Not when I have the keys." he replied smoothly and winked at her.

He unlocked the door and chuckled when he turned around to still find her eyeing the building suspiciously.

"You know Sonia?" she finally asked.

"I know all sorts of people in the gastronomy." he answered and stepped inside the ice-cream parlour "Sonia is away on holiday and gave me the keys to check on her store."

"So she doesn't know what we're doing?" C.C. exclaimed and Niles laughed again.

"No, she doesn't. But come on, Babs, are you really such a coward?"

"You know I'm not." she contradicted firmly, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

Niles gave her a satisfied smile and pulled up a chair for her, before disappearing behind the counter.

"What flavour would the lady like?" he asked, indicating a mock-bow.

"Straciatella and yoghurt, please."

"A very good choice." he said, scooping the ice-cream into a small cup.

A moment later he then returned to their table.

"Mmh, this is really yummy!" C.C. praised, licking her lips.

"Aren't you glad we've bent the rules a little?" he retorted and she rolled her eyes.

They ate in silence, when C.C. asked: "What flavours have you got?"

"Mango and cappuccino." he replied, lifting the spoon towards his mouth.

But before it had reached its destination C.C. had leaned forward and stolen it from him.

"You infuriating woman!" he growled and moaned inwardly when C.C. licked her lips again and then smiled at him triumphantly.

"Would you like to try some of mine?" she offered after a while.

He nodded enthusiastically and leaned forward expectantly, but every time his mouth got anywhere near the spoon, she pulled away.

"I wish you would stop playing games," he complained, pouting slightly.

"You know you love it." she purred and as his mouth dropped open in surprise she used the opportunity to shove the spoon into it.

"Good God, you nearly knocked my teeth out!" he cried.

"Don't be such a baby!" she retorted, wiping some ice-cream from the corner of his mouth.

After they had finished eating Niles walked behind the counter once more to clean the cutlery and grinned when C.C. left some change on the table.

"Aren't we humble nowadays." he joked and regretted it immediately when C.C.'s elbow collided with his ribs.

"Her ice-cream was amazing," she continued talking as if nothing had happened "real Italian ice-cream... I've only tasted something like this once, when daddy took me to Italy. I'd love to go again, feel the sun, relax..."

Niles finished locking the door and smiled listening to her rambling on. She seemed so lost in that particular memory that she didn't notice the rain that was still falling.

"C.C.," he seriously said and she stopped, her blue eyes wide at the sudden interruption.

"Yes?" she probed when he didn't make an attempt to say anything else.

"C.C.," he repeated, stepping closer until their bodies were nearly touching "I love you."

The rain continued to fall, trickling down her face, dropping from her chin where it drew a delicate line down the hollow of her neck and over her collarbone. He watched as it disappeared in the valley between her breasts and saw how she drew her scarf tighter, shivering again.

"Niles," she whispered, her eyes downcast.

Slowly he stepped even closer, cornering her against the building.

"I don't want to push you," he quietly explained, his face inches away from hers "so please tell me, tell me that you don't want this. Tell me that this is wrong."

Their noses were nearly touching now and C.C.'s breathing was ragged and loud.

"Tell me, C.C.," he begged, scared that her visible trembling was because of fear.

Finally she looked up to meet his eyes and that's when she got lost, just like the night they had become a couple. Unable to wait any longer she gave in to her desire and threw her arms around his neck, guiding him closer until their lips met. His kisses were extraordinarily gentle and probing, mirroring his fear to go too far, while hers were full of passion. His hands that had been cupping her face, moved downwards, exploring her shoulders, her waist and setting her entire body aflame. It was as if nothing had changed between them...nothing had changed. No, that wasn't true. Everything had changed. And as sudden as the realisation C.C. broke away from him.

"What am I doing?" she asked and pushing him aside, she fled.


	21. Chapter 21

**My trip to Edinburgh got cancelled yesterday, so the good news (I hope) for you guys is that I am now posting the Epilogue. :) Before I go into all the corny and mushy details, I just wanna say that I'm dedicating this to Ashton for her birthday!;) Ok, first of all: You wanted a happy ending? You're getting it!;) Nothing is perfect, but then life never will be. This story, from the beginning, was about being human and the mistakes we make. But also showing that some things can be fixed, if given enough time. It's hard and it's difficult but maybe if you're persistent, it will work out in the end. Even though I am not as attached to this story as I was to "20 years" I'm still sad now that this is the end. I always feel a bit bare and naked when I have no big new project to tackle. lol For this particular project I have to thank NilesLover101 who gave me the inspiration, without you I never would've written this so THANK YOU. I also have to thank SamandDianefan10 for your wonderful, amazing, remarkable reviews. They made me smile and quite often made my day. The same goes for nrfan who writes these huge paragraphs -thanks for taking the time!:) You 3 have been reviewing since the very first story I've posted on here 7 months ago, so your support means A LOT. Great thanks also to negs and triple L, as always. :) And any of you who have been reading/ reviewing this. It wouldn't be half as much fun without you guys! (ok, I gotta shut up now coz I didn't win an Oscar or something lol... I just feel that I never thank people enough) Now the question is: Who would like to have an "M" ending for this? If I'll write one, it'll be in the "M" category, so separately! ;) So let me know, I've already got a couple of ideas. I hope you enjoy the Epilogue!:)**

**Disclaimer: Sam is mine and I'm proud of that, Niles and C.C. sadly aren't mine, but I love em still.  
**

**Epilogue:**

Again and again, however we know the landscape of love  
and the little churchyard there, with its sorrowing names,  
and the frighteningly silent abyss into which the others  
fall: again and again the two of us walk out together  
under the ancient trees, lie down again and again  
among the flowers, face to face with the sky.

Rainer Maria Rilke

Niles continued to stare after her, completely disorientated and confused. The rain was still falling hard and was soaking him to the skin. He hadn't noticed its intensity before, so wrapped up had he been in C.C.'s embrace. But with her sudden departure the cold had come... For a moment he considered to simply leave it at that, walk away because her decision was clearly made. But then he remembered her eyes and the longing within them and her hands that were guiding him closer. Whatever it was that had caused her to flee he was certain he could fix it, he somehow had to because he couldn't stand to lose her again. And so Niles began to run, run like a man willing to do anything to win his love back, as he had so often seen it in the movies. The wind was howling in his ears and the rain mercilessly lashed his face but still he ran.

* * *

C.C. was surprised to find that the light in her apartment was switched on and even more surprised to see her daughter.

"Wasn't Noel supposed to pick you up half an hour ago?" she asked.

"He was late...and I just forgot my football so I came back up here... but what are you doing back?" The girl asked, staring at her mother who looked completely drenched.

"It started to rain..." C.C. quietly said, as if that was answer enough.

"Where's Niles?" Sam probed suspiciously.

When her mother failed to answer she finally noticed her smudged lipstick and traces of mascara on her cheek that made it look as if she had been crying.

"You blew it, didn't you?" she then yelled angrily.

"You don't understand, it's not that simple." C.C. tried, pressing a hand to her heart as if that would stop it from aching.

"Ok, maybe I'm too young to get this...but here's what I see. He loves you and he loves me, he told me so himself and I love him...he might not be my real dad but he's been playing that role bloody well for the past couple of years."

Despite the situation they were in C.C. had to chuckle at her daughter's choice of words, clearly showing that she had spent an awful lot of time around Niles.

"But maybe I don't..."

"That's a lie and you know it. You're just scared that he's gonna leave us again. But you love him, so give him a chance, because he will be a part of my life, like it or not!"

C.C. had never been so proud of her daughter as she was then, although saddened at the same time. Her bravery and ability to speak her mind amazed her, yet she also knew that no six-year-old should have to fight so hard to have a family.

"Uncle Noel's waiting, I'll see you tomorrow." Sam softly said and walked to the door.

"Hey," C.C. called and waved her daughter to her "of course he can be a part of your life. I love you."

And she pulled her into a hug, kissing the crown of her head. Samantha pulled a face and cringed at the touch of her mother's wet clothes but returned the hug nonetheless, before leaving the apartment. C.C. loved Niles, of course she did, she had acknowledged that herself several times in the last couple of hours. That didn't stop her from wondering, however, if that love was enough. She slowly walked into her bedroom and began to strip off her soaked clothes, before slipping into some warm sweatpants and a bulky T-shirt. Then she sat down on her bed, staring at the wedding ring which she was still wearing. She couldn't take Niles away from Samantha, because it wouldn't only cause a rift between them, it would also deprive her of an important male figure she needed. Sure, her daughter had Noel and Stuart Babcock to look up to but the fact remained that she had chosen Niles. Unable to ban him from her life completely she would be forced to find some other way to draw a line...and the only way she saw was filing for divorce. And she couldn't. She simply couldn't. The mere thought of being separated from him, if only on paper, caused the tears to sting in her eyes. It would erase everything: their life with the Sheffields, the long way they had had to go before finally finding each other, their love-making, the agony of losing him, the unbearable joy of finding him again... it would all vanish, destroyed by the pain and harshness of divorce proceedings. And it would tear Sam apart. She had always thought that the "What have I done?" moment in books was corny and unrealistic, but that was until she experienced one herself. All they had done was kiss, kiss and feel their love for each other, there had been no talk about moving in with each other or any other life-changing discussions. Her feelings hadn't altered since the kiss, she had still been in love with him before that, so her fear of losing him again was understandable yet irrational. For it didn't matter either way, if he would've left her before the kiss or after, she would have gotten hurt because she was involved, her feelings were involved. Following an instinct she jumped to her feet, although completely uncertain of what to do. She didn't know where to find him or what to tell him, unsure if he would even accept her apology. But he had to come back to her, that's all that mattered. Minutes ticked past silently as she stood by the window, phone in hand, willing him to pick up. But nobody answered and the despair was causing tears to well up in her eyes. The sudden ringing of her doorbell startled her and she shakily ran a hand through her hair on her way to answer it.

"C.C.," was all he said.

He sounded scared, out of breath and determined at the same time and she pressed the button to allow him in. Her stomach was in knots and her heart was racing as she opened the door, waiting for him to step out of the elevator. Then finally, when it opened the first tear fell, running down her cheek. Niles looked worn out and was breathing heavily his hair wet, his tie loosened and his dress shirt sticking to his chest. No word was said between them and he slowly came closer. C.C. was crying, her eyes begging him for forgiveness for leaving him like that. And then slowly his lips curved upwards until the smile reached his eyes. The warmth melted her last doubts away and she lifted her hands to cup his face, examining if his injuries were severe. Through all of this he continued to smile, as if nothing had ever caused him more joy in his life and then he pulled her into an embrace, holding her, caressing her in the knowledge that he'd be doing so again and again, until she would learn to trust him.


End file.
